I want to follow up on faith for a minute.  I’ve consistently vacillated between being a take charge person and a victim.  The issue I’m seeing with this is an inconsistent faith.  I never trusted enough to allow what I wanted to come to fruition on it’s own.  I couldn’t just take the steps I needed and be patient—I took control and wanted it to happen right away.  I asked for answers and I would ignore them, or I would be so busy moving forward that I didn’t hear them.  The truth is I wanted to have faith, I wanted to be patient, I was just so afraid of missing out on everything, I was afraid that if I wasn’t the best in everything that I would get nothing, that I didn’t know how to find who I was.  I didn’t know how to sit still and listen to hear the next steps.  My own inner monologue was so loud and so engrained in victimhood because of how people treated me (and the beliefs I started to adopt about myself because of how they treated me) that I didn’t know how to shut up and hear a different tale.  The answers were always there, I just didn’t hear them or I told myself I didn’t know how to act on them. 

In my heart, I actually do believe and feel that I will be ok—that all will be ok.  I’ve been so scared to fall in with my faith and just believe that I’ve continually tried to control the outcomes.  At the same time, I legitimately believe in the magic of source and the universe and that it puts all together.  I need to have patience and believe.  Right nowt he steps are taking care of myself and letting go of what isn’t working.  Changing my behaviors and thoughts isn’t like a light switch.  I need to take the small steps every day to make that transition.  With small steps and practice the faith will come more naturally and I will feel guidance—and be able to understand it.  I’ve known for a long time that I have a story to share and that it will help people—I’ve just been wrestling with ego and the potential fall out from what I have to tell people.  I know once I share that work, everything will fall into place.

Tabitha Brown shared the story of her viral Whole Foods video from 6 years ago and I got chills because it demonstrated the true faith that I’m talking about here.  She explained that she had gone back to that Whole Foods to thank the young man who made the sandwich and that he was no where to be found and no one seemed to know who he was.  My immediate thought was this was an angel sent here to put her on the path to sharing the message she had.  How else would he disappear?  I’ve heard faith stories about things like this before and it sounded just like the work of source to send someone to help us on our way when we are doing our work.  I believe that as long as we are patient and aware, we all have an angel that works in our favor like that.  We just need to trust and do what we are being asked to do even if it doesn’t make sense. So, another goal I have this year is to lean into my faith more.  It’s hard for me, but if I am going to be softer and open to what I am asked to do, open to releasing what doesn’t serve, I need to let go of control and embrace trust.  I am not a victim, I am being guided—just as we all are.  Have faith—we are always encouraged to keep going. 

Today I am grateful for intuition.  This week has been remarkable.  It started off with a bang, tons of chaos at work, dealing with bills, dealing with the energy of other people around me.  But in all the chaos and energy, in all of the frustration and anger I felt, I definitely felt most alive and authentic.  The words I said in the heat of frustration were true—while the delivery was emotional, my emotion wasn’t in it, it was the emotion behind truth. Not to be conceited, but the things I said could not be disputed or refuted in any way.  I FELT it.  I felt all of the things I needed to be doing  including what I need to focus on, how I want to feel, where I want to transition, what I need to do next, and what this upcoming year will look like.  Certain parts are still a bit fuzzy (like the how and the when for some of it) but it doesn’t change the feeling—I know it.  I woke up on Thursday immediately thinking about gratitude but didn’t do it immediately because I had JUST done it before bed (like written it down less than 6 hours before) and then as I walked down the stairs I thought about how I need to move my body again.  I drew my cards and two were about appreciation, one was about focusing energy, and the last one was about movement.  Don’t EVER discount intuition.  I know at times it may feel like being pulled in a million directions or the intuition conflicts with something, but learning to read what the mind is saying and feel what we need clarifies all of that.  Intuition is real.

Today I am grateful for people who want to support me.  I’ve been a person who always does it on my own, always shows up when I need to (early, even), who tries to make people want me there, and who wants to reciprocate so I don’t owe anyone anything.  All of that has gotten me where I am today.  But I’ve noticed more and more that I feel awkward accepting help or that I feel indebted.  At the same time, I know the things I’ve been helped with have been immensely relieving.  I also know that the help I’ve received has pushed me forward.  I’ve been seeing that the timing has been right for each of these scenarios.  I’ve also noticed that as soon as I thank the person who has helped me (instead of trying to deny the assistance) I’ve felt much better.  I’ve accepted the help and in some ways that’s like accepting myself.  I may not be able to reciprocate in the exact manner they helped me, but I know that I can return the energy in my own way—and that’s really what matters.  The energy exchange and the intention behind it.  Instead of feeling guilty or obligated when we receive help, be grateful and be on the lookout for how we can assist next time.  It’s that easy.

Today I am grateful for expressing myself.  I’m struggling with a very close partnership (or what is supposed to be a partnership) that is on the verge of failing.  We’ve been in this semi-partnership for years and we tend to work against each other even when we don’t mean to.  We both have repressed thoughts and feelings and needs that we are working to discover, express, and meet for ourselves and each other.  But as I hosted an event over the weekend, this person literally wasn’t in the room.  They watched their vlog, sat upstairs away from the group, and walked away after all was said and done.  I didn’t argue with this individual, after everyone left, I told them that I had really needed them and when I asked what was wrong, they said they just weren’t feeling it.  Instead of yelling, I asked if I had ever left them high and dry like that.  They immediately said no.  It didn’t turn into an argument. They said they understood (but we will see), but this would have been something I got dramatic about and fought about for hours.  We had a 10 minute conversation, I said my piece, and that was it. 

Today I am grateful for finally standing my ground.  I’ve had several conversations over the last couple of weeks where I’ve been repeatedly informed I’m wrong about a lot of things—various things, every day things, inconsequential things—but it’s been a constant nagging about all of the areas that I’ve been incorrect.  Yes, I know this sounds like an ego thing but this became more of a mental issue for me.  I’ve been very candid about my struggles with short term memory—but my long term and my retention of facts has been pretty solid.  When people start questioning those areas, I do get a little extra sensitive.  These are environments where I shouldn’t have to prove myself—areas where I’ve had the experience and I’m familiar.  I am the first to concede when I’m wrong—I’m tired of having to always be wrong.  I finally stood up and maintained what I knew over two incidents this past weekend—and I was right.  This isn’t a tally system, but this was a way for me to tell this individual that I have a strong knowledge base too, let’s focus on something we can do together.  I’m not here to appease or be nice, I’m here to be collaborative and cooperative.  We both have ideas to share.

Today I am grateful for moving forward.  We’ve officially ended our holiday season—I mentioned last week that we were delayed due to illness in the family.  I have to admit that I am so grateful to still host and have the family around that we have.  But I’d be remiss if I said I wasn’t anxious to move forward and put focus and work toward plans for this year.  I’m ready to turn a new leaf and welcome new experiences.  There is progress to make this year and I feel the heightened energy to make it happen.  I can’t see where it will go, but I know it’s something I need to do.  I’m ready to cleanse, clear, and move forward.  Cleansing being the operative word in this moment. 

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.   

Just because you fall, the earth isn’t going to move.  You just have to get up, even if you’re bruised, you get up and keep going.  Falling isn’t failure—it’s only failure if you give up on your goal.  This last month has been beautifully chaotic.  Beautiful because of the experiences I’ve had and the people around me, but chaotic because it has been busier than normal—there were several times I felt like I was going to drown.  Then people started getting sick and things simply weren’t going to pan out how we all wanted them to.  That chaos has distracted me and I’ve allowed myself to nearly get derailed from my goals because the vision wasn’t clear.  I thought I had failed in so many areas and I realized that not only were my goals not very specific, but the goals I did have weren’t a primary focus.  Bishoi Khella talks about how we feel inspired and then lose that inspiration when we don’t keep the goal at the forefront of our minds.  Look, life happens to us all and it’s not uncommon to have plans derailed or plans changed in the middle of a journey.  We just have to keep going.

We all fall sometimes—and we are taught when we are babies that when we fall we must get back up.  That’s a lesson we need to continue throughout our lives. As babies learning to walk we celebrate the attempts and encourage each other to keep going no matter how many times we fall.  As adults we need to remember to shift our perspective and encourage the attempts we’ve made so that we can continue to get up and move forward.  It isn’t the end of the world, it’s simply a moment.  Keep our priorities and goals at the forefront of our minds so that way little stumbles don’t even matter.  Focus on where we are going and the steps in front of us-life happens for us, not to us, so if we want to get where we want to be, we can’t let those hiccups stop us.  As we approach the end of the year there will be a lot of talk about setting goals and what we want the next year to look like.  Instead of being general or doing what we’ve always done, take the time to get really specific, get really honest, and get really focused.  Pick some small steps that can work toward the broader vision of the goal instead of trying to eat the whole whale and make sure that sail is pointed to catch the wind in the right direction. 

As painful as a fall may be, the truth is we can take it.  We can’t let a bruised ego derail a big dream.  We can’t let the noise or the demands of other people deter us from where we are going.  And we can’t let a little bump in the road stop us.  We are designed to move forward, we are designed to do the work.  We just need to put aside the fear of what others think of us.  We need to be willing to change what we know doesn’t work for us and we have to be willing to do things a different way if we see it isn’t working.  We have to be willing to endure the pain of an honest evaluation of ourselves and look at how we align what we say we want with what we do to get it.  We have to be our own loudest cheerleader and support.  We need to be willing to walk away from habits, patterns, thoughts, behaviors, and the egoic traits that keep us where we were.  We need to be willing to give up what we knew for the dream and hope of something bigger.  As long as we can do that, there is no failure.  Accept our blessings with gratitude and clarity and move forward.  Keep going.

Perfect for a follow up from yesterday.  I struggled with the word toughness as it came to mental health.  The more I wrote yesterday, the more I realized that being tough is what caused me massive anxiety and ADD and that’s really why the word toughness bothered me.  I think the message I was trying to convey outside of strength and resilience was discipline.  We absolutely need accountability and firmness in our lives and that boils down to one word: discipline.  It isn’t about being tough in the manner of intimidation or being rude or cut throat to get what we want.  We need to assume responsibility for our lives, our decisions, and our goals in order to get what we want and see our purpose through.  It’s through daily habits and discipline that we get where we need to go. We build the content of our character through who we are and what we do shows who we are.  I’m not saying that it’s easy.  We often have to make choices between the now and the long term.  

One of my goals is to spend more focused time with my kid and to be more present for him.  Like any other person in our society, I have a lot of time conflicts and I often find myself getting short with him because I have things that need to be done so there isn’t much time for playing.  But I’ve realized that I have goals I want to achieve and many of those goals offer the opportunity to have limitless time available with him—but that means giving up some time now.  I won’t give it all up because I love witnessing the moments he is growing up and I need to be present for those.  But I also have to have the discipline and accountability to say no to his wants every now and then, including playing games, if I need to work on something that is going to give us a long term gain.  Discipline means letting go of the perception that I’m hurting others by doing what needs to be done for myself now.  The key is knowing what needs to be done now and the rest falls in line.       

My other issue with the perception of toughness was the idea that we had to carry it all and do it all on our own.  Being tough meant handling it all.  That was a real show of strength.  We never asked for help until we were officially drowning.  Ironically we were also the first people to tell each other and others to reach out if we needed help-but we never did so ourselves.  I know that I can’t cry victim with every little thing if I want to move forward successfully.  I can’t choose to carry the entire load when there are opportunities for help and then complain that I can’t move forward.  Discipline is knowing what needs to be done, knowing when and how to do it (including asking for help), and seeing it through.  The more we practice discipline, the more clarity we have.  It’s not about being tough or being perceived in a certain way—it’s how we perceive ourselves and how we hold ourselves accountable to the things we say we want.  Are our actions aligned with the person we say we are?  Being that person is the greatest gift we can give ourselves and the world.  We don’t need to be tough, we need to be aware, and when we are aware, we are free to be who we are.

I heard one of my team mates talking about mental toughness the other day.  She spoke in terms of resilience but she kept using phrases like we have to push, keep going, make changes, deal with it.  I understand what she was talking about and I know her intentions were good but I found myself thinking about toughness.  The word implies an armor we wear to protect ourselves.  A means of not getting hurt again.  A means of pushing when we don’t think we can get there.  Before I go any further, there is a time for that, we just need to be more aware of it.  Force isn’t always the answer.  Ok, so the conversation was about how to push forward when we don’t want to and how we have to keep picking ourselves up when we fall.  I don’t always want to be tough.  I want to allow myself to be soft enough to accept who I am and strong enough to honor that.  The toughness comes in defending who we are and standing up for ourselves when we think we can’t.  I want strength and resilience and the drive to keep going—but I don’t want to have to carry the weight of that armor with me.

Society tends to value toughness and we make it a priority, something to wear as a badge of honor.  Again, there is a place for being strong.  But we don’t talk about what happens when we take the time to stop and navigate who we are.  When we take the time to honor what the truth is.  We don’t often praise those who say they will not tolerate what is considered the norm and go off on their own.  We need to celebrate the softness and the self-awareness as much as we do the drive to push.  We also have to learn to accept the basic fact that there are times we need to refuel.  There is no shame in taking the time to stop if it’s the time to stop. Sometimes toughness looks like maintaining a boundary.  I don’t want people to go through life thinking they need to maintain a persona that isn’t who they are.  Rather, I want people to understand that dropping the persona and being vulnerable is one of the toughest things we can do.  Toughness and resilience naturally develop when we consistent and aligned—so don’t confuse toughness with aggression.  Be firm and consistent and maintain the boundary of respect for who we are—that is the toughness we need to keep going.  So.  Keep going.  

Who you are should define what you do—not the other way around.  I think the essence of alignment is exactly that: who we say we are matches what we do.  This isn’t how most of us are trained to operate. Many of us spend our time trying to make people feel a certain way about us.  So often the discomfort of our lives is because we are trying to be something we are not.  We seek approval that we don’t need or that doesn’t exist.  We seek to validate our worth with things instead of actions.  We equate value to a dollar amount.  When we bring all we are to the forefront of our lives, the decisions get easier because we know who we are and we know what we need to do, we know what we are willing to do and the actions we need to take.  We know the person we want to be and we behave as such, making decisions comes with ease.  So much of our time is spent doing what other people want us to do or trying to fit in—much like I spoke about yesterday.  When we try to force ourselves to fit in places we don’t belong, we lose sight of who we are and lose direction.

I’m the first to admit that making the decision to approach life with ease and alignment in who we are over constant doing is a huge adjustment.  I’m a constant do-er.  I rarely want to sit still and even if I’m sitting, my mind is highly active with planning, writing, reading, etc.  I’m never not doing something.  I started that habit as a way to prove my worth.  People’s initial reaction to me was that I wasn’t capable of doing something because of how I looked so I would go into hyper-drive and do all the things, pretending I wasn’t exhausted and that I could do more and do it better than anyone.  It worked for a while.  But I still found myself behind the 8 ball—people were moving further ahead of me while I continued to do the grunt work.  Even though I proved myself, they simply piled more on.  Moving into who I am and accepting who I am means new boundaries.  Environments that seek to treat me that way and do not align with honoring who I am are low on my priority and I will get comfortable walking away. 

Our time is too valuable to spend our days worrying about other people’s opinions and waiting for their approval and their judgement of when we are ready and what we deserve in life.  Sometimes we simply have to move forward and take what we know is ours.  When we align our actions with our words, being who we are meant to be is easy.  We know what we need to do.  We get lost in the shuffle if we are constantly trying to make people see us a certain way. We jump from thing to thing rather than knowing what we need to do next.  Life slows down when we are in our element, in our purpose.  Assuredness and confidence grow when we know who we are and don’t allow the noise to sway us in a different direction.  There is certainty in following our purpose.  We just need to believe that we know the answers and that we can trust the answers we have inside of us, know that when we ask an answer will come and we will understand the guidance.  Don’t be afraid to stand in who we are, bring light to everything we are and dive into it fully. 

I have this massive desire to take everything from Christmas down already even though we haven’t celebrated with the family yet (sickness has delayed us getting together).  Yes, I adore the holiday and I love all the things that come with it, but I’m looking forward to the new.  I’m looking forward to taking action on my goals.  I find myself not wanting to sit in the reminder of the holiday right now.  Yes, the holidays have always brought me comfort and joy—and the holiday was absolutely beautiful in spite of not being with family how we normally are—but I find myself needing to purge, clean, and organize.  I find myself looking forward to cleaning up not only my space, but my habits and actions.  I find myself wanting to clean up my soul and understand why I want things and where that desire comes from.  I am ready to begin anew.  The last straw for me aside from all of us ending up sick at the end of the year was seeing how many things I wanted to accomplish and how much further I needed to go.  This isn’t a bad thing—but it was a sobering thing.

I spent so much of the year wandering on a personal level.  We had an amazing time, a busy time, but there wasn’t really focused time.  There wasn’t clear time and there wasn’t actionable goal time.  I thought I had a few times toward October but I still couldn’t quite get things through.  So I’m ready to put away the things I love about the holiday because I find them more of a distraction than anything at this time.  I’m ready to take clear action.  Plus I feel the call of change in general.  I feel the desire and the drive to do something new.  I’m ready to move my body and connect with spirit and soul instead of trying to repeat the same patterns over and over again.  I’m ready to put aside fears about failing and start making moves towards what I want.  I literally feel the old dying and stripping away.  The difference is I’m not afraid of it this time.  I’m ready to let it go.  To be grateful for it and let it go.  I used to be afraid that letting go meant forgetting or not having that feeling ever again (the feeling of safety).  Now I see that it’s burdensome to carry things that are no longer present with us.  We can always be grateful for it, but we don’t need to carry what was with us.  Especially if it has different meaning to those around us.

So I’m ready to admit and acknowledge and work on the things I need to change in my life.  That change will allow who I am meant to be, who I really am, to shine forth and guide me the rest of the way.  I don’t have to do it all on my own.  But I need to be honest about what comes next and stricter with myself on figuring out how to navigate that journey.  Break the habits.  Be the person I am meant to be, and I need accountability to do that.  I’m consistently amazed at the process of evolution and change because these are all things I’ve spoken about for years, things I’ve actively practiced—and still there is room for more.  There is need for more release.  There is need for more trust and acceptance.  There is need for more time and care.  There is need for more boundaries.  It’s constantly flexing, releasing what doesn’t work.  The more we hold onto things, the more stagnant and heavy it becomes.  So this is a good time to clean and release both external and internal clutter.  When we get rid of the old, we see who we are.  Clear the mess, welcome the new. 

I find myself thinking about this New Year in a new way.  I’ve never been one of those new year, new me type of people—well maybe a long time ago.  But this year I’m seeing the patterns I need to break and where I need to be both harder and softer with myself.  While driving home last Friday, I saw that I parked really wonky in the driveway.  There had been a car following close behind me so I pulled in quickly and didn’t correct to pull over more.  That simple action made me realize that I’m always looking behind me, adjusting to those after me, or I’m giving into other people’s opinions and trying to adjust to meet their needs.  I never took the time to accept myself, I took the time to make myself palatable to anyone around me.  I love the space I take up.  I love that I am allowed to take up space and I will continue to do so.  I become myself by honoring myself.  This year I want to work on continuing to embrace me and welcoming those little nuances of who I am. 

There is beauty and simplicity in accepting who we are. There is an ease in accepting who we are. I want to make my plans and work on that without letting other people derail me.  I want to plan and execute and allow the good in, the sexiness, the creativity.  I want to feel it all.  I want to dance my own dance and feel my flow.  I’m done being pushed into things I don’t really want to do or being made to feel wrong even when I’m right.  I’m done trying to fit into places that aren’t me, or having to make myself jagged to fit into the hole cut for me.  I am more than ready and more than capable of making decisions for myself and honoring them, of seeing them through and becoming who I am meant to be.  It’s not so much about becoming, it’s about shedding what I am not.  Seeking comfort is giving into the idea that our safety is more important than being who we are.  That we can’t be safe in who we are so we have to create and wear armor.  Our safety comes from being who we are and trusting everything about ourselves.

For this new year one of my goals is to simply embrace.  I’m done trying to force an outcome, a certain way of being.  I’m tired of rejecting myself because I haven’t lived up to the arbitrary and unspoken expectations of someone else—so not only have I “failed” in their eyes, they never even told me what I wanted.  I’m done playing games and staying in environments where mind-reading is a requirement.  I’m done with equating my value to someone else’s ideas about me instead of who I actually am.  I want joy to take precedence.  I want quality time with the people I love to be priority.  I want my purpose to drive my days.  I want love and acceptance to be my baseline so I feel peace in who I am.  All of that comes with acceptance and love.  So this year is about opening and accepting instead of all the doing.  Don’t get me wrong, 2023 taught me the value of doing, of getting off my butt and starting the damn thing.  But life isn’t about that constant push.  Sometimes it’s about slowing down and asking if this is what we need to be doing in the moment.  Now it’s about aligning and being—the rest falls into place.  I’m ready to simply be.  Whatever comes of it, I welcome that with open arms.  

Today I am grateful for knowing the truth.  2023 has been a beautiful year filled with love, laughter, new connections, clarity.  Toward the end I know I got derailed because my focus wasn’t very clear and I know now the level of clarity required to move forward.  Specific idea followed with specific vision and steps to get where I need to be.  We have to be honest about who we are, what we can handle, what we want, and what we are willing to do to get it.  The truth is simply this: it’s all in our hands.  No matter what happens, no matter the distractions, the result is always up to us. It isn’t a matter of pointing fingers and feeling bad that we didn’t accomplish something or that we got derailed, it’s acknowledging that we are accountable for our lives.  We are responsible for everything that comes into our lives.  We always have the choice of what we focus on. 

I’m grateful to let go of ego and control.  I’ve been so focused on the goal that I had, the vision I had in my mind thinking that I was honoring and fulfilling my purpose but not understanding why it wasn’t happening.  Not understanding that my vision wasn’t exactly what the universe had in mind for me.  I put my feelers out there, I made my intentions known, I found my purpose, that is all true.  But the path there isn’t the same as I thought because it required me to give up everything I knew.  I would make bold statements about not wanting to be a certain way or not following a certain person’s expectations, but then I’d fall right back in line and do it because I’d get scared.  That fear was ego, thinking that they wouldn’t like me or I’d get in trouble and ruin everything. Instead I should have trusted that I would be able to fly when I set those boundaries and walked away.  it isn’t ego to honor the truth of who we are.  It’s ego to give up who we are because we think we will get something better out of it. 

I’m grateful to set authentic goals this year.  I’ve been through a series of setting goals year after year only to have poor execution or to get distracted and not follow through.  My goals this year: a reminder that a hiccup isn’t a failure.  A bump isn’t a failure.  Even if something doesn’t work out how I wanted it to, that’s still not a failure, it’s a chance to pivot.  The point is to keep going and, more importantly than that, to get clear on where we are going.  Setting a vague goal doesn’t provide the benchmark so we know what we’ve achieved.  Setting specific aligned goals lets me know what’s next, the steps to take, and shows me when I’ve gotten where I wanted to be.

Today I am grateful for new goals and a new approach.  Part of why I’ve failed before (or not met goals) was because I tried to do all the things at once.  I tried to eat the entire whale so to speak—without even realizing that I don’t like whale.  It’s ok to do things one at a time as long as they are honest and as long as completing them creates a result aligned with who I am.  My timing doesn’t matter—my timing is another facet of ego.  As long as I’m doing what I’m meant to do, what brings me joy, things I can share with those I love, that’s what matters.  Doing what I love, what we all love is how we know we are successful.  Do what we love and we will never work a day in our lives.     

Today I am grateful to release.  Yes, it may seem cliché to discuss letting go and embracing the new on New Year’s Day, but the truth is this is a symbolic day and it is effective as long as we follow through on it.  I spent a lot if time in nostalgia this year, specifically at the end of the year.  Things didn’t turn out as far as spending time with family because everyone got sick.  But I found myself ready to let go and clean up and put the holiday away this year.  I saw that within the traditions of what I was trying to hold onto, while beautiful, there were things that needed to be healed.  There is so much to be grateful for in the present that we don’t need to spend time rehashing and reliving the past.  We can be grateful and accept it and keep moving forward.  There are new traditions to make, new life to live, new friends to celebrate. New goals to go after.

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead and a fantastic start to the New Year!

I’m reading Arnold Schwarzenegger’s book Be Useful.  He says, “Look in the mirror. It’s uncomfortable to look ourselves in the eye because the person in the mirror is often a stranger who looks nothing like the person we see when we close our eyes and picture the person we want to be.”  That hit hard.  I have this vision of myself doing the things I love and supporting myself and family, healthy, in shape, put together, someone who takes really good care of myself.  What I see around me is chaos.  I put a lot of things together (like I really started getting my shit together) and was going strong and then I let myself get distracted.  I lost clarity.  I realized that I wasn’t clear to begin with.  Arnold also talks about clear vision and he stats that most people either start specific and create the steps or we start broad and then take steps that get clearer and more specific.  My vision was extremely broad and covered a lot of things that would seem unrelated.  I knew they fit together but I was never sure how.  I can say now that as I continue to walk forward, I do see it clearer, but I let myself get distracted.

When I read that line I realized instantly that it was something that applied to me.  In the beginning of my journey, I wanted to simply exert my power/control over myself and prove that I knew what I was doing with my life.  I wanted to prove that I knew best for myself.  I know now that was all part of proving my worth.  I realized that I skipped some steps in the middle like actually learning about myself, what I liked, what I was good at, and basic things like APPLYING the lessons I was so good at absorbing and regurgitating—absorbing and regurgitating but not doing.  Understanding that we are allowed to form our own goals and dreams made a huge difference in my life because I was under the impression that I needed to do what my parents did—it worked for them, it made them happy to see me that way.  When I started to feel like I needed something different there was a split—I couldn’t differentiate my goals from theirs.  I felt the need for something else but felt like I would disappoint them if I didn’t do it their way. But that version didn’t line up with what I felt inside. I eventually went the other way with that and went through a phase where I was pretty narcissistic and made it all about me so that was another kind of guilt.  But it was all a projection—there was no real action. 

Plans without substance or action to back them up are simply words/thoughts/dreams.  We need to make sure we have the foundation beneath us and the action to support it.  Schwarzenegger also talks about how we can paralyze ourselves when the plan is too big—and I realized that was actually part of my problem.  My grand plan had so many facets to it that I couldn’t do enough to make progress in any particular direction.  I felt like it all needed to be done so I ended up doing nothing.  But the cure for that is to slow down and do one thing to completion.  Schwarzenegger talks about the drive and energy he has—and not everyone has that—but we all have the ability to get specific and take action.  We have the ability to match our dreams with our actions and to align who we are with who we want to be.  Even if it is a really small step, that feels better than pretending we are something we aren’t, or saying we are something we aren’t.  It’s aligning—and remember, the best gift you can give the world is to be your authentic self.  Take the time to find who that is and do what it takes to be that version.