I want to talk about timing for a moment.  My husband and I have been participating in a group trying to find some connection and guidance on somethings. When we first started, the group just happened to be talking about strengthening marriage.  It was exactly what we needed to work with at that time.  It was an 8 week series on it and there were many profound moments.  I was excited to go to the group today knowing that we were going to start a new series, not knowing what it was.  We’ve been kind of down and out lately, the reality of some of the year hitting us, not knowing the right steps to take and frankly, yes, feeling a bit depressed and stuck.  The series that the group began today was about mental health and depression.  It brought tears to my eyes thinking that we’ve been going through so much, so unsure of which way to go, feeling guilty for even feeling bad because we have so much to be grateful for, yet here was another sign clearly showing that we were in the right place at the right time.  For so long I’ve been afraid I was behind in life and that I wasn’t achieving what I should—or that I couldn’t.  But as we sat together in this discussion, it was clear that, while I wish we had done this sooner, we were still on the right path and we were where we needed to be.

The idea that we are stuck is a challenging one to reconcile at times because there are outside influences that we need to mitigate and manage with our own mindset.  Like, are we stuck because of some force of nature or is it the force of our thoughts.  Either way, if we feel stuck we have to find a way to keep going.  Sure, we may need to rest, but we have to find a way to keep going.  There are always options.  I tried to convince myself for a long time that I didn’t know what was going on around me, that I needed someone to tell me what to do.  At the same time I wanted the freedom to call my own shots all the time but when it came to it, I was paralyzed.  I don’t know if it was some deep-seeded fear of getting things wrong or if it was somehow an avoidance of responsibility, but it was easier to say that I didn’t know what to do and do nothing than it was to make a decision and have to start all over if something went wrong.  I mean, sure people want to make the right choice at the right time but I waited for the answer.  I’ve spoken before about wishing I’d been braver and taken chances when I was younger because that would have shown me and helped me develop trust in myself.  I was stuck in the mud but the mud was my own thought process and fears.  I didn’t trust my decisions.  Yet, with no real confirmation or explanation of where these feelings were coming from, over and over again I’ve found support that I’m exactly where I need to be. 

The truth is wherever we are is exactly where we need to be.  We can’t be anywhere other than where we are right now and we arrived there because of our decisions and actions.  I’ve been the source of my own delays and “misses” because I couldn’t tell if it was for me or I convinced myself that it wasn’t from lack of confidence.  The message I continually share is that we need confidence to believe that we are making the right choices, that we know ourselves.  My husband is on his own journey to find out his own connection to things and I can’t rush that—I find myself excited and pushing when I see him on the right path because it’s always easier to see the success of someone we know from the outside.  And when we are in a relationship, our thoughts and actions impact the other person so it’s natural to want both parties to do well.  When those paths come together, all energies intertwine and influence the other.  The fact that we found this group and we came in with the topics we need is a clear indication that we are where we need to be, together and individually.  The next step is to address those things, take action on the signs we’re given knowing that will push us forward on this journey.  We are never behind—we are always exactly where we need to be. 

Thanksgiving has always been one of my favorite holidays.  Sure, I love the food and the football, but the meaning of the day, perhaps while not on par with its origins, means something.  Gathering people in the same space to reflect on the year, to appreciate the work and effort and take part in the harvest truly is a gift.  It is truly something to be thankful for.  It has been life changing to come out on the other side of massive shifts that have happened this year and I know I’m not alone in this.  So often it feels like being between the plates of the Earth as they shift or at the point where two waves meet—they’re not really fighting but their power comes from all sides and it can take us under.  The sheer force of it feels like we simply can’t take it.  Yet somehow, we are always pulled through because we are all here to live another day. 

Life is tumultuous and we are taught to go it alone as if it’s some marker of our own strength to endure our own personal Hells in solitude.  We feel guilt for things going our way or for wanting them to go a certain way.  We feel guilt when we win or when we lose.  We put this pressure out there to meet expectations set by no one in particular yet we act as if our life depends on it.  And we come out on the other side.  So on this day I want us to truly think about it: change requires pressure.  The formation of a diamond, a mountain, the birth of an idea, truly giving birth, all of these things require pressure to breach that final divide between thought and reality.  Life can change that quickly—we are caught in that undertow unable to see or breathe and suddenly the waves calm and we float.  Suddenly we see what we were looking for.  Suddenly it all makes sense.

On this Thanksgiving, I can’t help but feel grateful, even for that storm.  I can’t say I’m fully out of the murky weather but the truth is, I see that light, I feel the waves calming.  I understand there isn’t much I can do other than go with it.  I may have been brought under but I haven’t drowned and I am reaching safe harbor within myself.  Thanksgiving isn’t about being grateful for our things, it’s about being grateful for life itself.  Being grateful for the pressure that brings about necessary changes, for the reaping of the seeds we planted and tended to.  Having gratitude for those around us because we know not one minute of this life is guaranteed.  There’s a lot of craziness in this world that causes enough chaos as it is so we truly don’t need to add to our own burden of additional pressure and fears.  There are some storms we cannot control. But we can learn to ride them out.

For the last several years I’ve been seeking change that I very deeply wanted.  I was very deeply attached to the idea of it as well.  I started to envision life differently, knowing there was another side to the crap I was choosing to live in every day.  This year I took action toward what I wanted rather than continue to settle in the middle of crap that I could easily walk away from.  I was given an opportunity that I do not take for granted.  I needed to become something else to get where I wanted to be.  It’s uncomfortable, still to this day I feel out of place to a degree, like it’s still not quite me.  Yet here I am.  I’m closer to the vision I saw and I am so thankful for the people who have been with me on this journey, for the fruits I’m seeing after the effort of the last decade in particular.  I’m thankful for understanding that repeating mistakes doesn’t make us failures, it means that there is safety in something we know and we have to learn to find that safety within ourselves. I’m thankful to be alive, for the people in my life, for the connections that I knew I needed but couldn’t close the gap.  I’m thankful to be in a position where I can help, where I can slow down to understand the big picture and my role in it.  I’m grateful to put aside my own ego and start following the guidance that was there all along. 

If you’re reading this, that means you’ve been given the gift of life, the gift of time to find connection and purpose, to get closer to understanding yourselves and those around you.  I know on most days it’s easy to fall into the habits we’ve taught ourselves and we get caught up in the routine and the distraction thinking we are living—I know I don’t spend every day in this type of gratitude.  But I feel like we CAN.  Even if it’s not all day, we should always take a few minutes to take it in, take perspective and realize that most of what we do is filler—we don’t need to put so much weight on it.  This day shouldn’t be the only day we share what we are grateful for and it certainly isn’t the only day to be grateful for.  I think that’s what we’ve lost sight of.  We’ve been trained that it’s only the big moments that matter yet I’ve seen people who got exactly what they thought they wanted yet they still felt lacking because it wasn’t what they thought.  We need to see the little moments as the miracles they are and take pleasure in the joy of experiencing life.  We need to be grateful for the stories we’ve told, the stories we’ve told, the stories we will tell—and be grateful that we can start a new story at any time.  So be grateful.  Be happy for the successes all around, both personal and for others.  Choose to sit in joy rather than the dark.  The fact that we can see the light is truly something to be grateful for.    

The other day I was present for a talk on  complementary goals in terms of partnership.  We find the person we think we’re meant to be with and we need to think in terms beyond attraction.  The purpose of a relationship is beyond physical—it truly is a contract between people on many levels. Agreeing on the type of life they want to create, the experiences they want, what family means, what values they hold, the things they want to achieve, the importance and order of those goals, what the relationship itself looks like in terms of how they treat each other and how they show each other what matters.  So when it comes to creating and establishing partnership, it’s not just a matter of physical connection and attraction—it’s a covenant to bring out the best versions of each other, to help each other become the best that each person can be.  There is no implied ownership that my good is caused by you nor is my downfall, but rather, we have goals and desires and drive in life that brings us together and helps us excel together. 

I’ve felt like I needed to go it alone for a long time—the people I thought I could rely on proved to not be reliable.  The ones I loved and I could count on moved away.  But the part about partnership we don’t talk about enough is our relationship to self.  It’s in knowing ourselves and not allowing ourselves to be swayed that we find who we are and what our goals are.  That’s when our partner is revealed to us.  That’s when we know what to do and we can start working with the magic of the universe to fulfill our goals and obligations—what we were meant to do.  There are certain parts of our journey that we all have to take alone and the biggest part of that is the journey toward self-understanding, awareness, and appreciation.  We need to know these things in order to understand what we need from others.  We need to know ourselves to find our people otherwise it won’t fit quite right.  Relationships take effort but it isn’t necessarily work.  It’s an energy that we decide to focus on a commonality whether a goal or the other person or something we’re trying to launch for ourselves. 

There are many beliefs about this, the sacred partner ranging from the divine, to the one and only, the love at first sight, the twin flame, the soul match.  All of these things refer to the same thing: the one who meets our energy and frequency and who helps amplify it toward the greatest it can be.  No matter what we call it, we have known inherently that we need someone or a group of someone’s to work with us.  We are not solitary creatures. The irony of it is that in order to work well with others, we have to meet ourselves and our own energy—and work with ourselves—first.  That’s the only way it works.  We can only enhance each other if we are with those who truly ignite that level of flame and passion in us as well—and we need to know what fuels us. So many people operate as if there isn’t enough energy to go around and that we are all in competition.  We’ve been trained to operate that way, to believe that there isn’t enough of anything or that someone else’s success means less for us. But the truth is when we work with each other and when we work with those who truly bring out the best in us, that success is amplified to a degree that spills over to everyone.  So in all relationships, find those who complement us and who aren’t threatened by our success.  Know ourselves well enough to know those who bring us to the top of our game and who we can do the same for.    

I tried to be relevant for so long that I lost touch with relevant was—with what I was.  I had to stop worrying about what the world was telling me that day.  I mean, yes, we need to connect with people and it’s important that we are aware of what’s happening—but it’s more important that we are able to speak on what’s relevant to us.  It matters more that we know what we’re talking about well rather than speaking on everything.  We don’t need to speak to everything.  The world doesn’t need our opinion on everything.  It’s a matter of speak when it’s important (timing) as well as an awareness of what is relevant (knowledge).  There’s a time to simply listen as well.  Our voice is a gift and we should use it, but sometimes the ears are the more potent tool.  And if the pen (word) is mightier than the sword, then like that skill, we must learn to place our words well and to use the right words at the right time.  Relevance is relative—we aren’t everyone’s cup of tea and we don’t prioritize the same things, we aren’t meant to.  We are all gifted with specific skills and if we use those skills well, we will always find ourselves in the right place at the right time—nothing forced.

People can tell when someone is doing something for the sake of being seen and they can tell when we are connected/rooted to what we’re talking about.  They can tell when we want to know something for the sake of knowing it or if we are trying to get something out of it.  We FEEL these things, even through social media and other things.  Think about watching a reel or just a post on any platform or even watching the news—we can tell immediately when something is off whether it’s something not truthful or the person just doesn’t know what they’re talking about.  And don’t even get me started on all the AI tools out there now where we can barely tell what’s real anymore.  I’m not certain why we feel the need to immerse ourselves in things that only appear to be real, that’s an entirely different discussion on the psychology of where we are at in the world today.  But there is a reason why we have instincts to tell us when something is off or a potential threat/danger—misspeaking has that potential, and forcing the matter is disingenuous.  In a world where we need truth, we find ourselves immersed in a false reality with people trying to convince us of something every day. 

We must remember our instincts.  I’m a record keeper so I know what it feels like to try and take everything in and to know it all.  I know what it’s like to feel as if we need to speak on everything to keep up and be part of the conversation.  But we are gifted with unique talent and experiences so we attain unique insight that we can share at the right time.  We are given our own history so we can learn from it and each other.  What we need to remember is the importance of knowing our arena and knowing when we have to learn something else, knowing when what we say has weight and when the lesson is what we’re there to learn.  We don’t’ need to have something for everyone, we need to share OUR message, what comes from us, and those who need it will find it.  THAT’S what matters. So here’s a quick note for today: what’s relevant is what’s present.  There’s no need to worry about TRYING to be anything—we can move through the world on the path designed for us, and with the right attention, we will always find ourselves exactly where we need to be, always on time, always with the right message.  That’s always relevant.    

I’ve always wanted to see France. I was inexplicably drawn to it from the time I was young.  The culture, the atmosphere, the country itself, it all just seemed so welcoming to me.  There was something familiar in all the things I researched and discovered, in every movie I saw that took place in France  I studied French for 7 years—I was given the Senior Medallion in French upon graduation and my classmates had often joked that my future self would be living in France starring in the educational videos we watched to learn the language.  I dreamt of visiting the entire country forever. It was somewhere I wanted to go with my husband and son for ages.  My sister has a friend who lives there and I found out she recently decided to go visit her in Paris.  Upon sharing this news, I found out my other sister also recently agreed to a trip to France in 2026.  I’m thrilled for them because it’s an amazing experience and given that opportunity, I would take it in a heartbeat—I wouldn’t begrudge that type of trip to anyone.  I felt my heart twinge a bit because I truly do want to go and I realized that the only reason I haven’t gone is because I haven’t gone.  Sure, there are some arrangements I need to make and some preparation I have to do to be able to go—but there is nothing stopping me from doing it.     

So here is the lesson: To change the fruits, we have to change the roots. The fruits are the results we see (income for example) but it all grows from roots like thoughts and emotions (a timely lesson from MindValley advertising).  I’ve told myself for ages that I can’t go because I couldn’t afford it.  That I wouldn’t know what to do.  That I might be able to afford to go alone but I would never go alone.  That I was afraid of flying over there.  This isn’t just about the fruit of taking a trip to France, this is about the entirety of how I view life.  I allow myself to be distracted and bogged down and overworked, constantly taking on new projects, not raising my hand enough when I feel like I’m drowning.  So I come very near to drowning before I come to my senses and put my foot down.  I built a narrative around the idea that I couldn’t step away from the life I’ve built here—the work I do, my home, my parents and that I couldn’t afford it.  That has bled over into the every day as well.  I get myself so stuck in work and projects that even the local trips I want to take are constantly pushed back. I constantly put my life on hold for one responsibility or another. I admittedly like to see all my ducks in a row, it makes me comfortable but the only guarantee we have is this moment.  We don’t have to have all those ducks in a row—some ducks move slower than others and some are ready to fly off.  Some like to waddle into the wall.  Some like to splash in the pond.  The point is nothing will ever fully align perfectly to make me feel comfortable.  So I need to be comfortable with doing what calls to me.   

So when we want to change something around us, the first thing we must do is look inwardly.  There have been a few instances lately of people doing things I’ve always wanted to do (writing, travel, certain local experiences) and I could definitely mope about it.  But I choose to see this as the energy I’m seeking is close to me.  The opportunities are at hand if these people are in my proximity doing the things I’m wanting to do.  We have to go in to get out and we must find what our roots are currently being fed.  Everything we see is a reflection of some previous thought or idea or belief we had.  We can’t move forward toward growth and change if we hold onto the same things we always did.  I know this message isn’t new but I felt, as we head into the end of the year, that it was an appropriate reminder.  This year has flown by and it feels like I could barely catch my breath in this last quarter.  I know that I wasn’t able to be as attentive and present as I wanted to be so some of my work hasn’t been what I thought it would be.  I know moving forward that I don’t want to get bogged down again, taken under by an endless to-do list and distraction.  I know the world will move on even if I don’t meet that deadline.  And I know that the experience of France is waiting for me at the right time and it will be exactly what I need it to be.  I just need to water those roots a bit more.     

Today I am grateful for a break.  This last week was exhausting on so many levels.  There were several 11-12 hour days at work and, while I’m fortunate enough to work from home, the work isn’t done until it’s done.  There are no “hours.”  I’ve had roles like that before but it was in a different type of leadership where you were on someone else’s time meaning if there was any type of personal crisis, as a leader, I’d be the one expected to handle it and resolve it, find someone to cover and make sure the operation kept moving.  This type of leadership is about running the entire show, coming up with a plan and executing. Pivoting and revamping ideas, learning and adapting on the fly.  This type of work is fascinating but I need to remember it doesn’t operate on a schedule.  So after several weeks of an intense workload, I am grateful that the upcoming week is a break of sorts due to the holiday.  Yes, I will still have to work, but it it’s a different type of work, a different pace.  I am also grateful that I get to spend time with family

Today I am grateful for reminders that we don’t always know the full story.  We may think something is amazing and lovely but we don’t always see behind the curtain.  There are things happening that show us how what we may believe to be perfect is falling apart behind the scenes.  Sometimes people get to partake in what we think is an opportunity of a lifetime.  It seems like it’s all smooth sailing and it all comes together just right for them.  It can lead to feelings of frustration and even misunderstanding.  But it was nice this past week to be reminded that not all is as it seems and there are many humbling moments for the person who made it seem so lovely as well as for us on the receiving end who may have tipped toward jealousy thinking the other person had it easy so to speak.  People fight different battles all the time and just because some parts of their journey may be easy, there are others that only SEEM easy.  We never know the full extent of the story.  We don’t know what they are enduring on the other side.    

Today I am grateful for seeing timing.  My family has been dealing with a difficult and sensitive situation surrounding the care of one of our extended family members.  While some of the issue was caused from people’s choices, the other part came from no one really knowing what to do and then from others not listening to those with more experience.  So it was a volatile situation of self-martyrdom, genuine confusion, self-righteousness, and stubbornness.  But the situation was coming to a head very quickly and there were concerns about what would happen with the upcoming holidays and the longevity of this plan others were working through.  I truly believe that miracles happen in unexpected ways and this past week showed us that.  Last Friday the person involved became ill enough that they were brought to a facility for care.  There was no more choice in the matter, there was no more back and forth or wondering what to do next, no more fear about what would happen over the next few weeks, no more question about who should be involved and who would speak to whom.  The choice was made for us in the kindest way possible and there was nothing else to do.  The situation, while not over, is resolved to the next logical step in the progression of things.  This was an example of divine timing, I can’t believe it was anything less. 

Today I am grateful for putting aside fear.  I am truly an extremely anxious person and, while I have a modicum of control/understanding what is actually anxiety in my life versus something I need to address, there are times I feel I have no control over what I’m afraid of.  The fears are deep-rooted and they come before I can orient myself and manage my own emotions.  This year has felt like a blur on so many levels.  Things happened months ago that feel like it was YEARS ago. I feel like I’ve experienced a lifetime with the amount of shifting that has happened over the last 6 months alone.  That wasn’t a bad thing on many levels, it was adaptation.  But I’d be lying if I said that I was perfectly acclimated at this point or that I didn’t see the effects of mismanaged time and the effect of time in general.  If we aren’t awake and present, it really can become a matter of blink and you may miss it.  The last 6 months have made it feel like I’m behind the 8-ball so to speak in many ways.  Like these last 3 months in particular have flown by in a way that seems unreal.  So I wasn’t prepared for the upcoming holidays, not by a long shot.  I’m still not.  But I’m getting there and I didn’t let the fear of time or the fear of limited resources get to me.  I don’t want to stop living now for fear that I won’t have enough moving forward.  I have plenty, I am gifted, I am fortunate and I have opportunity to share even if it feels limited.  I won’t forget that and I put aside the fear of not having enough or not being able to do enough and I made the choice to become more inclusive to those I love instead of putting restrictions and limitations on the circumstances.  It’s time to celebrate and live and no matter how disorienting this whole time thing has been, it doesn’t change that THIS is where we are at.

Today I am grateful for centering.  We truly do need to stop and look around every now and then and just breathe.  There is so much beauty in this world and we need to take that in, we need to immerse ourselves in it.  We need reminders of how small we are, not to make us feel powerless, but so we learn to be fully present for all we are privileged enough to see and do while we are here.  There are works of art that have been around for hundreds of years.  Structures that existed for near millennia before us. Evidence of life in different forms from millions of years ago.  There is sustenance in the Earth.  There is magic in our veins.  There is evidence of connection everywhere, right down to the blood that flows through our veins.  The fact that we are able to experience and stand witness to the same places and things that people did centuries ago is awe-inspiring in itself.  They were human just as we are and likely faced the same types of insecurities we do.  We feel the same fears and strengths and joys and nerves, and triumphs, and frustrations that they experienced as well.  It’s amazing to me how much changes over time yet how much stays the same.  We can’t repeat history if we want to make real changes, yet something keeps us all on this wheel to a degree.  That used to make me angry and even dizzy but now it makes me see things more clearly.  There is a universal human experience we all share and there is the unique experience for each of us.  We need to spend time in the common ground.  Slow down.  Take our place in the bigger picture.  It’s not that important in the grand scheme of things.  Just breathe.      

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.

Help where it matters.  A reminder that showing up and doing as appropriate is what it means to be helpful.  Showing up, taking over, doing what you THINK is helpful isn’t helpful.  It’s an unnecessary stressor to the one you say you’re helping, and a call for attention on yourself rather than the individual you’re trying to help.  I’m guilty of thinking I know what people need—we all see a situation from our perspective or we’ve experienced something similar so we know how we would handle it and we think that’s the best way to approach someone else with a similar issue.  But here’s the thing: regardless of intentions, if we aren’t helping where the person actually needs it, then we aren’t contributing anything valuable to the situation.  I’ve also been on the receiving end of people who thought they were helping when all they were doing was steam-rolling my emotions and not hearing what the actual issue was—it felt awful.  I would never encourage NOT helping, but we have to be self-aware enough to know when to offer what we know and when to tap into what the person is asking for.

We also have to be cognizant that what we have may not be what the person needs.  Sometimes all they need from us is an ear.  Sometimes they need our help to lift the world but we may not be that person to do it all in every situation.  And that’s ok.  We can’t put our emotions/reactions into a situation because the things that might bother us may not have the same impact on someone else.  They may not need us for the same things we’d need them for.  The key is to listen and actually hear what the person needs, what they are asking for.  Some people may say that “help is help” and we should be grateful for what we get.  Help IS a beautiful thing and so is the intention behind helping others—but if we continue watering a plant that is already hydrated, we will drown it.  So we need to pay attention to what it is we can actually contribute in a situation and know when to back off. Helping isn’t about US, it’s about the action needed in the moment.       

The mind spins and spins, constantly thinking of what I could or should be doing.  I start a project that my mind says I need to focus on in that moment only to work on it for five minutes and realize there’s something else I should be doing.  I start that and then I want to work on the project I started in the first place.  I commit to too many things at the same time thinking I can do it.  And for many years I DID do it.  I worked through the frustration and demands of the time and I made whatever I needed to happen, happen.  But over the last few months I’ve seen that I can’t operate like that anymore.  Dividing my mind like that isn’t as easy as it used to be and focusing on nothing while feeling like I need to do everything isn’t getting anything done.  And that creates frustration and exhaustion with a mile of things that were started and still need to be finished.  The human mind is an amazing thing and there is so much that works itself through our subconscious and unconscious minds.  The heart, mind, body, and soul all know what’s really going on and they all try to give us signs to guide us to the root of the problem.    

When I’ve felt especially stressed in my life, it’s been a common thing for me to dream about it.  Dreaming of multiple tornadoes breaking out, all in a row, watching from an office building, waiting for the sirens but running like a caged rat until I knew what to do.  I told people what was coming, I told them they needed to move.  They did nothing.  The funnels touched down, spinning their path directly toward the building.  They did nothing.  They stared, not even willing to protect themselves.  So I took pictures of the tornadoes, trying to capture them.  And I moved on to a store, still running from the storm, no one listening, no one caring what I told them.  I had to look up the meaning of such a dream and it told me I was overwhelmed.  I am.  I’m overwhelmed with trying to solve problems for people who know the solution and do nothing.  Overwhelmed with doing the work of multiple adults.  Overwhelmed with needing to make a decision for my sanity but not knowing who will be there for me in the end. Each of those tornadoes, an obstacle or truth I don’t want to face, all of them ready to take me away with them…and I don’t know what to do. 

The subconscious mind is an amazing thing.  The interpretation of outside stimulation and internal emotion mixing in a world only we can see in our minds is fascinating.  For me, that dream in particular stopped me in my tracks.  The dream itself woke me up, intense enough that my heart pounded with genuine fear.  It stopped me again when I looked up common meanings of tornadoes in dreams.  I mentioned the overwhelm but it also hit on struggles with relationships and control.  Most people would struggle with this to a degree, I’m aware, but the timing of this is more than coincidental.  If we understand the universe to respond to us and that nothing happens by accident, then this is an accurate representation of something I need to address in the waking world.    

When I feel like I’m speaking a different language, people don’t understand me, Or I’m looking at people like they’re crazy because I don’t understand them, it feels like fight or flight, like I’m out of my skin.  I have to realize, they’re just as scattered as I am on the inside.  I’m sure we’ve all had the experience where we’re talking to someone and we are well aware the message just isn’t hitting home.  That hamster is going for a ride around the wheel and about to fly off.  But the state of the world now lives little room for anything but confusion and distraction and for people to try and keep up with the incessant barrage of change and speed and fear.  It can feel like we’re speaking different languages—and to a degree we are—but it make sense that we would because our minds are protecting us.  We feel like we’re behind or we don’t have the right thing to say but we don’t want to be rude so we say nothing.  Or far simpler, we can’t hear the person and we don’t want to ask them to repeat themselves a fourth time so we nod, missing the point.  We ALL feel this way.  So the point is this: we are trained to preserve and protect ourselves so we will do our best to feign knowledge and awareness but there are times the mind and body can’t keep up. 

I’m convinced this is how many of the most common disagreements start—we can’t keep up and we’re trying to make decisions while we are already depleted.  We don’t hear each other or we just want to respond and move on.  There are studies that show patients with hearing issues are more prone to dementia.  I understand that.  They aren’t able to sense or function with the world in a way so they are disconnected from what’s around them.  Their mind isn’t able to keep up because it isn’t working with the most current information.  So when we aren’t connecting with each other or fully speaking the same language, of course we misunderstand each other.  The human mind seeks to make sense of what it takes in through the senses and we are trained to make choices as quickly as possible so if we don’t have all the information of course we won’t be able to make the right choice—we won’t be speaking the same language because we’re operating with part of the story.  We have to remember that everyone feels like that at some point.  We all feel like we’re behind or that people don’t understand us. 

So instead of feeling like we are victims or misunderstood, take the time to truly understand what’s going on.  If we don’t fully understand something then make the effort to understand.  Ask the questions until we can get on the same page.  I’d rather have someone get angry at me for asking too many questions rather than assume I know something I don’t.  And look, we are human and misunderstandings will happen no matter what we do, that’s just the nature of it.  The key is when we start to feel like we are off or like something isn’t going how it should, it isn’t what we understood, we need to train ourselves that it’s ok to pause and put in a little bit of time to figure out what is going on.  Think about how frustrating it is when we can’t hear each other or when someone isn’t seeing a situation our way.  And you can’t tell me we all didn’t have that one time when we couldn’t see what the hell was on that “Magic Eye” drawing—it was frustrating to not see what other people could.  So we KNOW what that feels like.  So the next time we feel a certain way about something, take a breath and ask ourselves if there is some sort of misunderstanding occurring in that moment and what we can do to get to the root of the issue.  The sooner we speak the same language, the sooner we can arrive at the best conclusion for everyone.               

I watched a show on Netflix about a haunting someone experienced while at college (I still have a paranormal kick, it’s a guilty pleasure).  This person was an athlete on track to go to the Olympics, a steady student, disciplined, and stuck to the straight and narrow in all things so to say he was used to order is a bit of an understatement.  During the interviews, his father made a comment to the effect that the sense of order that comes from self-discipline gives a sense of safety. All of the structure we build in our lives including our routines gives us a sense of accomplishment and safety because we know what’s coming.  We know what to expect and we know how to handle it.  Regardless of this being in reference to a paranormal experience, that quote stood out.  We create routine for a sense of safety.  Routines developed over time for myriad of reasons—a time to plant and harvest the appropriate things, time to find safety, time to find work, a way to accommodate work and education, and even the systems we have in place around finances, education, healthcare, politics, etc.  All those systems exist to establish control and order.  Then we develop our individual systems to give us that sense of control in our own lives and without it, we get a little wonky.

From a mental health perspective, I go back and forth on the relevance of systems because I can see it going either way.  They’re either highly useful or they quickly become destructive.  Systems outside of ourselves tend to benefit the system itself while the systems we create can be highly beneficial.  But in either scenario (internal or external systems) we do it because we feel safe.  When we have a sense of order we feel like we’re in control and that makes us feel safe.  We may not even realize that safety is what we’ve been seeking—some of us like to know the answers because we like to know things without realizing the underlying implication that we are in control of things that happen outside of us.  The thing about unexpected experiences is that they show us what we DO have control over: our emotions and thoughts.  We don’t have to react to everything immediately.  We can take a step back, take a beat and realize how temporary our feelings are and make a decision about what we actually want to do versus what we think we have to do.  And if we really think about it, THAT is actually how we create safety. We demonstrate understanding and thought in the actions we take.  Sure, we are all human and we all have those moments where we legitimately have to act right then and there or where our emotions do get the best of us—but we don’t operate like that on a daily basis.

We establish our routines when we have a goal in mind and we know the steps we need to take to get there.  The level of discipline that follows can be an indicator of how far we would get on that journey toward the goal.  The sense of safety we feel isn’t necessarily from control, it’s from learning that we are capable of handling ourselves in any situation.  So this story in particular was interesting because it took place while in college—a time when we transition to adulthood and learn how to handle ourselves, we learn how to solve our own problems, learn what we like and don’t like, learn what it means to take responsibility for ourselves.  If we can establish discipline over our emotions in those scenarios, then we can do it anywhere.  When unexpected things come up, we learn to adapt the routine or change it as appropriate and sometimes our lives go in directions we didn’t anticipate.  We fall short of the goal.  But in most cases, if we really look back and think about it, we always ended up exactly where we needed to regardless.  So discipline has a time and a place as does routine—but we must remember that the only discipline that really matters is the discipline we have over ourselves and how we answer the call of what we are meant to do, how we handle setbacks, how we pivot, and how we approach the next goals.  Safety comes from knowing how to handle ourselves and following through.  That’s how we can handle anything that comes our way.