“The thing is you’re not a maybe, you’re not a second choice. You’re not an option, you’re not a when it’s convenient and you’re definitely not a wait and see. You’re an absolute yes. Don’t ever be ok with being treated as anything less than that. We all need this little reminder to know who we are. Don’t ever doubt your greatness,” Unknown. I wish everyone in the world knows what this quote is talking about and, more importantly, I hope they all feel it. It’s one thing to understand something intellectually and it’s another to feel it and know it. The latter is something I’ve struggled with because I only let myself get so far before backing up. When it comes to conceptualizing an idea, the thought itself is easy enough to wrap our heads around. But knowing it, feeling it, and allowing the experience of it is different. In order for us to move forward on our goals, we need to know our value and that means feeling it.
Prioritizing our needs doesn’t mean we are selfish, it means we are selecting how we expend our energy. It doesn’t pay to stretch ourselves so thin that we have nothing left to give. As we’ve spoken about numerous times, the idea of filling our cups so they can fill others is the goal. That requires setting boundaries and knowing where we can serve as well as what serves us. Having that level of self-awareness is important in keeping our energy where it needs to be. It also prevents us from needing to seek energy or validation from outside. While we are communal creatures, we often forget that this life is an inside job. It’s our responsibility to manage our feelings and actions and emotions—and even our reactions. If someone or something is triggering, it’s up to us to choose where we go from there. If someone or something attempts to or succeeds at making us feel less than, it’s up to us to walk away.
None of this is easy and I know that it can often feel like a fine line, balancing our needs with what we do for others. It can be tricky at times to even recognize our needs, especially if we are taught our needs/wants come second. That doesn’t mean it isn’t what we are supposed to do. Creating a foundation is tough work but doing that lift early on creates a strong platform for the rest of our lives. Knowing who we are, knowing our worth, knowing our purpose puts us in a position to do our best work, to help others. It isn’t about being selfish or self-centered, it is ALWAYS about doing our best so we can offer our best to the world, so we can help others without draining our supply or losing who we are. So the key is to NEVER forget who we are. NEVER allow someone to make us feel less than. ALWAYS know our worth and keep doing the work until we understand and remember exactly what we are capable of and meant to do. Don’t let anyone dim the light we carry.
This moment feels like a rebirth to me. I’ve been searching for myself for ages, trying to go back and change things, to find the feelings I had when I last felt good, to find ways to stay afloat, living in fear of not “making it” in the respect of keeping my life moving forward. I’ve been trying to be everything to everyone but myself. My energies have been scrambled, trying to find the essence of who I am running between three significant projects at once, feeling like a failure. I’ve also been blaming the external for my situation. We all have struggle in certain situations where we become the victim and I am no exception but I allowed myself to stay the victim and that victimhood not only became the mentality, it became the reality. I wanted people to see what they did to me as wrong. I wanted them to know what they did not only hurt, but that they needed to make amends for it. I was the martyr who constantly sacrificed my needs hoping they would see how they wronged me. But how could they see that when I allowed it?
I bult this story of “no way out” and that I needed to do the right thing by my family. In the process I became angry, unfocused, lost, and more afraid than I was when I started. The truth is, I was unaware of the opportunities available to me because I wasn’t taught until much later to create the opportunities I wanted or even how to look for the opportunities that I wanted. I didn’t know how to define what I wanted as far as the feeling. I knew I didn’t want to continue down the path in front of me, but I didn’t know how to get off of it. Yes, I could articulate it to others and share the journey of my personal moments of enlightenment, but it wasn’t enough. I needed to experience it. I needed to dive into the feeling of it myself.
I guess everyone gets to a point where they are sincerely sick of what they are doing. They are sick of their patterns and the things that they’ve allowed into their lives. There is also a point for some of us where we simply want more—not necessarily in the material aspect, but in the sense that we want more from life. For me, I realized I was tired of the same arguments, the same day, the same feelings, the same stories over and over again. I didn’t want to live my life on repeat and call it living. I had a breakthrough amidst a breakdown and that was this: if I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired, it’s time to be healthy and bring vitality back. It’s time to get aware of how to make the feelings I want happen, how to make the life I want happen. It’s time to stop worrying about the security of the nest and start learning to fly.
The reason this moment is a rebirth is because I’m celebrating my life, I’m no longer mourning it. No, things aren’t perfect, things aren’t how I thought they would be, but this is different than looking for that path. This is pausing and sitting until I’m aware enough to know which way to go. It’s deciding that I don’t need to be a victim or a martyr to make my point for others. It isn’t about being a doormat or a stepping stone for others, it’s about being a doorway. It’s also about being the doorway for myself. Choosing what feels right, choosing what makes sense to me, choosing the next steps based on my values and how I want to live. Most importantly finally believing that I can do that as well. I’ve said it before, my neurosis about my worth and ability to follow through doesn’t negate anything I’ve shared previously—I believe in everything I’ve learned and shared. But now that I can be an active participant, we might get a little further together. I thank you for sharing in this moment with me.
Today I am grateful for friendship. I’ve always been the type of person who was just fine rolling on my own whether it was work or play. I enjoyed figuring it out and I enjoyed knowing I could do it on my own. I’ve had two or three really close friendships my entire life (well since I was 5) and I still have those friendships to this day. But over the last few years, since we moved into this house, I’ve learned the value of friendship. I’ve formed relationships with our neighbors who are certainly our friends now, and they have been there at the drop of a hat. Having a support system isn’t a hindrance, it’s a blessing. Perhaps it was also serendipitous I met these people at this stage in my life, when things were starting to become more of a challenge to do on my own. Regardless, I am grateful to have people to reach out to and have fun with and confide in.
Today I am grateful for chances. I took a chance to get out of my comfort zone related to finances. I’m looking at expanding into a different industry in order to satisfy some personal needs at home. There comes a time when you know what you’re doing no longer works and, while it may be a tough decision or even scary, it’s time to do something else. There are leaps we take without a safety net and they often end up showing us our wings. We know when things have served their purpose. Sometimes we hope it goes a different way but we can either no longer wait or the holding on hurts more than the letting go. Everything that’s meant to be turns out exactly as it should. So when those chances don’t turn out, take it as protection and move on. When they do, be grateful and know it was meant for you.
Today I am grateful for love. A journey to truly loving ourselves is honesty harder than I thought. I confused love with putting our needs first all the time or some Cinderella story where we would be cared for in the end after doing all the work. Love is so much more than that. It’s taking into consideration the deepest parts of ourselves and honoring them, shining the light on them, giving them the chance to breathe. I’ve been blessed to feel love in my life (even if I’ve questioned it at times) and I’ve been doubly blessed to give love. I cherish the thought of love and I am grateful to be able to turn that conceptually toward myself. It isn’t about indulgence or anything else—it’s simply about honoring the deepest parts of who we are. That is enough! It’s hard work because some of those things we were taught to hide, but lovingly embracing them makes all the difference. It isn’t settling or accepting bad behaviors, it’s loving ourselves enough to take care of those facets as they need. I’m working on loving me more.
Today I am grateful for sticking with my promises to myself. Earlier this year we decided that this was going to be a year of experiences, meaning we were going to focus our time on doing things we wanted to do instead of waiting or spending money on more things. So far we’ve done something new nearly every weekend. We’ve taken the time to hang out and connect with people, to spend time with each other, to play games (new games specifically), and to just enjoy each other’s company. It hasn’t been easy because we know that following the path of least resistance often means repeating patterns. But staying cognizant and alert to the desire to go back to what I knew curbs the desire to say “no” to things. In fact, I’m looking for more things to say “yes” to. Life comes in when you create space for the yes. I love the yes in life.
Today I am grateful for what trying new things means. To piggy back off of above, trying new things also meant literally trying new things in terms of body care, mental care, and priorities. It wasn’t only experiences, it was the entire picture of trying out new pieces of what I want my life to look like. I tried a new self-care routine including a cleanse and I feel amazing. While I know now I could have eaten better during that time, I am proud for committing to the program and seeing what it does for my body. I followed through and I learned that even though there were some nights I’d almost forget to take my stuff, I’d be upstairs ready for bed, I’d remember and I’d go back downstairs and take what I needed to. It’s a small thing but sticking with those convictions matters. I’m grateful to learn what trying new things opens up.
Today I am grateful to celebrate. Life changes and we change and time moves on and we never know what’s coming—we will talk about that more later this week—but that doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy our time while we have it and be grateful and joyous and celebrate what we have. We are meant to spread joy and to feel joy and share joy. So while time is fleeting, be grateful for what you have. Forget the next step and the next outcome for just a minute and appreciate where you are. There are only so many moments we get and having awareness of those moments makes them all the more special. We often think there needs to be a moment to celebrate, or a “when this happens, then…” type of scenario. But that isn’t true. As cliché as it sounds, remember that life is the occasion. The reason to celebrate is that we exist. I am grateful to exist and I choose to honor that through what feels good, through feeling joy. Find what brings you joy this week and celebrate it.
“Stop running off of unconscious conditioning. Wake up and be conscious of what you feel,” Kaylor Betts. It’s only when we are awake and aware of what we are feeling that we can make a different decision. We need to know when to break patterns and when we wake up to the things we did without thinking, the things we do because they are familiar, that is when we can make real strides toward better decisions. Decisions more in line with who we are. Yesterday we spoke of the difference between vulnerability and vulnerable and part of what makes us vulnerable to external forces is being unaware. If we don’t know who we are, we don’t know what decisions are ours because we are doing what we are told and often operating under subconscious programming. Our current system enjoys having robots, people who don’t question, so the needs of the system are met. When we know what our needs our, we question such things.
I love that Betts speaks of being conscious of how we feel because feeling is often the first way we understand our needs. There is no implication that emotion is weakness or that doing the work to know who we are is vulnerable or demeaning or a waste of time. The suggestion is that we need to know what we feel in order to know who we are and what we need. The feeling is the primary driver here, but it is not necessarily solely in respect to emotion. I like to extrapolate that into how we feel in our lives. If we do something not in line with our values, we feel it. If we do something that doesn’t feel right on the most basic level, we feel annoyed or out of place. It’s important to stop disregarding the signs our body gives us because our emotions do have a physical expression. Becoming conscious is key to stepping toward the life we love, the life we desire.
When we awaken to our needs, we are no longer asleep to who we are. We are no longer vulnerable to outside influence because our actions are based off of our values rather than what others tell us we are supposed to do. People who wake up to their lives, their needs, are dangerous to a system that wants us to function to meet its needs. For those who struggle with the emotional concept and think it’s selfish or not the answer, I want to express that being awake is more than just how we feel. The feeling is how it starts, but being awake is about seeing other opportunities, other solutions to how we live, other ways of operating that don’t deplete the individual or resources. When we are in touch with how we feel (or how we want to feel) and what we value, we see more than the impact on ourselves, we see the impact on the world and it makes the ideas spin a bit faster and in a different direction. Being awake doesn’t solely focus on the individual even if it starts that way. Being awake is being aware of our purpose and the place we want to have as well as the impact we have on the world. Being awake isn’t some new concept—it has become vital to how we live. Wake up and feel the truth of who we are and spread our light.
There is a significant difference between expressing vulnerability and being vulnerable. Sharing the truth, digging deep, knowing we have weak points isn’t the same as saying we ARE vulnerable or weak. In the animal kingdom, being vulnerable puts creatures in a prey position and we avoid that at any cost. The human animal is engrained with the drive to not show weakness. The definition of weakness has changed over time and we’ve equated emotion to weakness. When we examine closer, weak people are the first ones to show their strength, to bark, to create noise and chaos. It’s all a distraction, a sideshow to prevent people from seeing anything underneath. Strong people know there are points that could use some work, and they do the work. Self-awareness is key and the more we know about ourselves the more we become a formidable force for the universe. When we know who we are and what we stand for, we can more easily identify our soft spots and improve. Pretending those points don’t exist creates a wound that doesn’t heal.
We are communal creatures, meant to help each other and complement each other with our respective strengths. We aren’t meant to carry the burden of life all alone. This is why we have community and the innate desire to find those who share our beliefs. Sharing the burden requires immense strength and trust because we rely on others and that isn’t always easy. However, sharing can mean something as simple as sharing the emotional weight, the thought process we may be stuck on. We don’t need people to do things FOR us, rather we need to take the best parts of each and make something better. Vulnerability isn’t about singling out one weak point, it’s about identifying what needs strengthening. We don’t need to twist it into something weaponized against people.
There is a misconception that sharing emotion makes us weak, that knowing what we feel and where our response is coming from somehow inhibits us from meaningful action. We often fear that exposing the truth behind actions or feelings makes us a target—and I won’t deny that can happen—but we miss major connection with ourselves, others, and the universe when we live in a state of shields up. No, I’m not advocating for the other extreme where we are paralyzed by what we feel and everything that happens is an affront to us personally—it doesn’t work, and nowadays, ANYTHING can be seen as an attack if we let it (and some people do). I lived that way for a long time and it did nothing other than keep me exactly where I was, telling other people what they should be doing so I didn’t have to develop my own resilience. I told myself a story of how people saw me and believed that I was held back by the viewpoint I told myself they had of me. I never knew what they really thought, it was what I told myself. How often do we live like that, believing we know the truth when we haven’t heard it from the source?
That isn’t to say people won’t judge us, but we need to remember: Those who do judge us aren’t our people. We need to find our people, those who support us as we are, who help us highlight our strong points, and help us develop our soft-spots and those who allow us to do the same for them. It’s also a sign of strength to know we can help people do the same, that we are meant to help people evolve by highlighting our strengths and sharing our light. And that is the other side of vulnerability: sharing our strengths is equally as vulnerable as sharing our weakness. We shine a light in the dark corners and suddenly there isn’t anything left to hide. We show our power by working on ourselves and loving ourselves. It takes great courage to express vulnerability. It takes even greater courage to acknowledge the strength in sharing those pain points and to show the common ground we all have. Never mistake sharing vulnerability for being vulnerable. Knowing who we are is strength and standing on that foundation no matter what comes our is the strongest we can be. Vulnerability isn’t weakness, it’s a superpower.
“We need to feel to heal, yes. But too much feeling too soon, too fast, just re-triggers trauma. Feeling is healing only when it feels safe to do so,” Cory Muscara. Navigating the mind is difficult work. Some of the most challenging work we face. In my personal experience, I believe this quote sums up some of how my cycles repeat and I’m willing to bet it’s the truth for most of you as well. We think we have healed, that we have gotten to a point where we can “handle” old situations again only to find ourselves balled up in a corner repeating the same patterns. Real healing means knowing what works for us, what triggers us, and what we need to avoid versus what we can safely engage with. That includes our feelings. I know there are many times my mind isn’t a kind or safe place to be. The floodgates of every negative thing unleash themselves in my brain and it’s abundantly clear there is work to be done. I consider myself a high-functioning person (even if trauma exists still) and I know I fall back into patterns constantly.
While we aren’t responsible for what happened to us, we do bear the burden of fixing it. We are responsible for where our lives go from the point we decide to move forward. It’s naïve to think we will never experience a trigger for something personal to us—the world isn’t meant to sugar coat life because life simply happens. It isn’t personal even if it is personal to us if that makes sense. Getting to a point where we aren’t triggered by the world is key to navigate through it. That is where boundaries are important. Unhealed wounds, hurt people, and unresolved issues create an entirely new slew of issues if we don’t deal with them properly. While the world won’t shield us, we need to shield ourselves. It’s ok to say that we are working on these things. We’ve been trying to live in a world that doesn’t work, pretending it’s the norm, all the while knowing inside something isn’t right. It’s up to us to manage our expectations as well as our progress on that path.
Healing isn’t linear and it takes a lot of courage and fortitude to stand up and say we are no longer going to deal with what broke us. it’s a great responsibility to take on our lives—but that responsibility is one of the greatest things we will ever pick up. The decision to heal and move forward is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves because we are learning to live in our own story and to take back the power of what is ours. It isn’t noble to push beyond where we are at if we are genuinely unhealed because that backfires. We also don’t want to get to the point where we feel nothing. It’s a fine line to deal with what we know works for us and knowing when it’s time to push and, more importantly, when not to. Keep going, no matter what. Even if it means saying no. Keep going until we can say yes and know we mean it. Keep going until it makes sense. Don’t hurt ourselves in the process, but do not stop. Remember, every step is momentum, and any progress is progress. Take the win.
I’ve held onto things for ages, the thing and the memory stay with me for a long time. While my short-term memory suffers a bit these days (age and stress), my long-term memory is like a steel trap. The subconscious mind doesn’t know the difference between a real and imagined experience so the memory of an event, recent or far, pleasant or traumatizing, is just as real as the initial experience. Every time we think of an event or re-hash it or think of what we could have done differently, we are re-living the event. When we choose to hold onto things it’s the same as experiencing the memory of that moment again. What things are we holding onto that we can let go of?
The same can be said about the emotional weight. If we don’t have a clear relationship with our thoughts and actively choose our thoughts, it’s easy for those thoughts to sweep us away. We can be present at work and suddenly find ourselves regretting a fight from 15 years ago. We know the physical accumulation of things creates clutter, but what about the mental? If we are dealing with things long past, that creates clutter in the mind just as much as physical clutter around us. The more we start and don’t finish, the more weight we have to carry. That includes projects, deep dives into who we are, resolving any issues we’ve had. It isn’t just about decluttering, it’s about releasing the attachment that comes with it. We have a tendency to spread ourselves so thin with attachments to things and people over the years that there isn’t enough left of us to determine who we are.
I’m not saying do away with sentiment, I’m saying choose sentiment carefully. Choose commitments carefully. Choose thoughts carefully. All of those things become part of who we are whether we like it or not. Don’t allow the clutter to accumulate to the point we can no longer carry it. More importantly, remember to choose what we want to carry in the first place. It isn’t entirely about comfort or aesthetic—it’s about function. It’s easier to function on a clear path and to see the next steps than it is on a crowded, dark path. Simply, it also feels better to navigate a clear path. Take the time to clear the way. The work may not be fun, but it is worth it.
What I love about self-improvement and increasing self-awareness and self-worth is that most of the work is simple and straight-forward. It’s work that solidifies and backs common sense and teaches us that the foundation is key. There are some who believe it’s self-centered work and selfish and that people lacking confidence or belief or direction simply need to get out of their heads and focus on others. There comes a point with self-improvement where action for others is necessary but I want to dispel this myth that self-improvement is selfish. What those tough love folks don’t realize is that most people lacking in confidence were taught that their opinions, beliefs, thoughts, feelings, voice, body, needs, anything about them came second to everyone else in the world. They were taught they were obligated to their caregivers rather than a caregiver being someone with whom they could form a foundation of trust, security, and bonding with.
The truth is, developing confidence does involve getting out of our own heads, getting out of our own way but we can’t do that until we see the ways we block ourselves, where we formed false beliefs and fears. Again, this is a simple, straight-forward thing. That doesn’t mean it’s easy. So let that be another myth we dispel here: simple does not equate to easy. Simple can be some of the hardest work we do until we learn to navigate the inner labyrinth of our minds, hearts, and souls. It involves putting aside what we know and venturing into both the light and dark sides of us, being willing to see all of who we are, and to embrace the parts that aren’t so great, as well as the parts that need love the most. For some, that journey is never necessary. They are secure in the foundation early on. For others it takes work.
This is also an ode to encourage those who need to take this journey to not set expectations as we’ve done before. There is no finish line, no “due by” date when we will be “fixed.” It’s a task to settle the mind and change habits we’ve been brought up with. Changing mind set isn’t easy for those with a decent foundation, so anyone with some shaky ground to navigate has a bit more work to do. Don’t give up because we think simple means it will come naturally. It doesn’t matter if we’re talking about using a spoon, if we haven’t been taught or given the tools, it will seem alien on our first attempt. We aren’t meant to know things without context, experience, or foundation—that doesn’t make us failures. If we are struggling to figure it out, give some grace. Have some patience and have some faith that we are meant to develop over time. We all have our time so move at a pace that works and feels right. After all, in order to help others we need to know HOW we can help others and that is completely reliant on confidence and self-worth. Do not mistake simple for easy. Simple is often some of the hardest work we do.
“Once you officially decide to leave old situations behind, your mind will settle down your heart will automatically feel at ease and your soul will forever be grateful for the relief you provided,” Esther T. The knowledge of what you want to do and the next steps you need to take is like a flashlight in the dark. It’s like a welcome ray of sunshine that lights up the day. There is immense power in deciding. We’ve spoken of assurance and affirmations and action over the last few days and I want to highlight that there is a chain of events set in motion when you decide. That decision creates the clarity you need to move forward and suddenly the life you want can take shape. I want to reiterate from yesterday’s post that the decision should be in actual alignment with who you are rather than what you think you’re supposed to be, but that decision nonetheless can change the course.
I ended yesterday’s piece speaking of the chaos of fear. Fear is designed to keep us aware at its core, but what happens is the confusion creates a space of confusion in our minds as well. We can’t see which way to go and suddenly everything around us becomes dangerous. It is a choice to leave things behind that no longer serve and we need the wherewithal to understand what no longer serves. In that regard we need to be stronger than our fears and we need to see fear for what it is. We can appreciate the goal to keep us safe, but we can also acknowledge when that fear is simply dialed in too high. We don’t want to live in chaos, we can’t function in chaos, things can’t settle in chaos. So we need to learn to find the center of our own storm and make the choice on how we want to proceed. Deciding immediately eliminates other options, and while that is scary, sometimes the less distraction around us, the easier we can see what options apply to us.
I don’t claim the answers will suddenly appear—although that is a comforting thought to me and I do believe it CAN happen—but I do attest and back the assumption that creating clarity with a decision eliminates the self-induced anxiety that comes from trying to be all things to everyone at once. I also fully believe that keeping your center in the storm and knowing who you are provides a security that you wouldn’t find outside of yourself. Let go of the old patterns as soon as you recognize they aren’t working. Understand we aren’t meant to be all things to all people—we are simply meant to bring out the best in ourselves to shine that light further on the world. Sitting in something we are familiar with but miserable in doesn’t serve any better than going after a goal that isn’t for us. We aren’t meant to be miserable. We are meant to live in joy and love and we need to acknowledge our worth of that joy and love. It feels so much better living there than it is to stay in chaos.
Let go of the chaos and the addiction to chaos. It feels much better being light and carrying ourselves than it does being afraid and feeling like we have to carry the world. Just because we are familiar with something doesn’t mean that it’s the right thing. We need to be who we are, not what we think we need to be. The world is simple, we make it complicated and we can choose to uncomplicate it with the decision to stand firmly in who we are and become who we are meant to be. Allow yourself to recognize who you are and stand on that foundation instead of hoping things will settle around you. Intention is key and focus settles the fear. There is no need to rush, but there is no need to sit in the fear of indecision. You know chaos doesn’t serve even if it feels familiar. The uncomfortable whisper of the unknown has more reason than the din of chaos you’ve allowed yourself to be used to. Make a choice and let the storm settle.
Today I am grateful for love. We had to put down one of our cats Tuesday of this past week. She was our oldest girl, the first baby we had together so to speak. Anyone who has ever loved and lost an animal knows it’s an emotionally draining experience. I stayed home on her last day to be with her, emotions all over the place, trying to find a way to still keep her with us. In the end, I know it was for the best even though it was one of the worst things to go through. But that pain means there was immense love because you can only hurt for something that matters. I am grateful for our remaining animals, for my family, for the support we are forming for each other. I am grateful for the love I still have for my girl, the fact that a love like that exists. We are so blessed to share our lives with people and creatures who bring that much meaning to us. I miss her terribly and it hasn’t even been a week, but I know that love will remain even though she isn’t physically here. I have reminders of her around me and I cherish the time I had with her. How lucky to feel that love?
Today I am grateful for fun. I often allow myself to forget this on a daily basis. I take myself too seriously and the to-do list never seems to end so things get overwhelming. I fear that if I let go and have fun the things I really want, the things I’m working toward won’t happen. As much as I talk about faith, I know that shows a complete lack of faith in what I do. Also, after so many years of suppressing the fun to “get things done,” I’m honestly not very good at it. It takes a lot for me to not approach it as a task. But over the last week I’ve begun learning two different games, both things completely out of my comfort zone—pool and Tripoley. In learning these games, I’ve actually found some confidence. I’ve seen how sheltered I was, how limited my experiences were with people outside of my expected interactions. It isn’t just about the game, it’s about the camaraderie and the interaction. Fun keeps the brain going. Source knows I need every ounce of help I can get with that. I am grateful to learn what fun looks like—and what it feels like.
Today I am grateful for settling. Not settling for something, but settling into who I am. I’m not where I need to be, far from it, but there are facets I’ve struggled with for a long time that seem to be slowly clicking into place. It’s nice to not live in fight or flight constantly. My friend (and neighbor) said something along the lines of not buying things your neighbors have in reference to our relationship and our ability to help each other. I’m the kind of person who always makes sure to take my things back because I’ve had them stolen before and I’ve never felt I would be in one place long enough to let someone have something long term. Now I’m setting up this life and it involves shedding old skins and learning to find stability and trust that I am home—literally and figuratively. This is our home. This is what it means to set up a life. It doesn’t mean life is going to be like this every day, but this is where we have laid our foundation. Settling means more than accepting, it means putting roots in yourself as much as you would a physical location. I am settling into my skin. It feels good.
Today I am grateful to regroup. This is an action I’ve spoken about but have admittedly taken for granted. I’m a thinker, an overthinker, a multiple-trains running on the same track at the same time type mind. Whatever you want to call it, my mind goes fast and is super active, not always with helpful things. You have to learn to interrupt those thoughts as often as necessary and I don’t always do that. I have a tendency to allow them to run their course even if it isn’t healthy and it happens so quickly I don’t always recognize it coming or the signs to step in and stop. There are always things I can improve on, and interrupting that negative train of thought is one of them. Today I took time to put my fears into focus and put the reality front and center.
Today I am grateful for coincidences. I’ve been allowing the thoughts to rage (see above reference to overthinking) and I’ve found the fear pattern of missing out again. Today the universe showed me with abundant clarity that there is a way to feel better, a way to solve the issues I’ve been having. One of my side gigs has kind of gone to the wayside lately because of other obligations. I decided that I’m going to need to re-dedicate some time and attention to it in order to help things along—and in order to help myself. I took a step on one of our products today and about 12 hours later, I received a text from my business partner and she mentioned a presentation this evening that was on a similar topic (gut health). My jaw hit the floor. I’ve been sitting on this product for weeks because I wanted to have a consistent amount of time at home to work with it and that started today. I had no idea this presentation was going on because I’ve been out of the loop. I’m grateful that in spite of my fears, angst, tantrums, and legitimate concerns, the universe is still game to give me signs. Now it’s up to me to follow and respect them, especially when they are in line with what I’ve put out.
Today I am grateful for time. I have an incredibly busy week ahead of me, but I’ve taken some time off from my 9-5 to focus on some work that needs to be done outside of my normal routine. I didn’t get off to the greatest or most consistent start the last two days, but I know where my focus is going. I know what needs to be done. I have seven days to get some of these ideas off the ground and to make some headway with my personal choices. At first I was overwhelmed but then I felt better. It’s time to take care of me, my family, my dreams. A week isn’t a lot, but it is better than nothing and I’m taking this opportunity for all it’s worth. It’s a great chance to simply feel better and take some shots. We all need that every once in a while—just the chance to shoot a shot. I’m taking mine.
The Intentional Dreamer 