Today I am grateful for perspective.  Sometimes we really have to get out of our own heads and listen to what someone else has to say on it.  We get too close to the situation and we don’t think right.  Just because we are close to it doesn’t mean we know everything about it.  I brought in a third party for an opinion on a matter and explained the situation as objectively as I could and this person told me the truth.  They told me where I needed to shore up and be stronger and not take things personally and they also let me know where the other side could have improved.  I like to be right but not at the sake of relationships so I don’t mind being told when I need to get in check.  As much as I hate to admit it, I also don’t mind being validated every now and then.  There’s enough craziness in this world that sometimes it’s nice to hear that we’re right or that we weren’t imagining things—it’s not wrong to want some back up every now and then.  Regardless, it helps to get that outside view every now and then to confirm the difference.   

Today I am grateful for a clean slate.  After getting burned by some tumultuous relationships, I was incredibly hesitant to form friendships again.  Adult friendships are some of the most difficult to form and I’d put in a lot of effort that fizzled out in the end—actually it bit me in the ass repeatedly.  Regardless, as I mentioned a few days ago, I found out that some people in this group are rehashing the incident (kind of like I’m doing here, sorry) to people who weren’t involved, in essence trying to make us look bad to people we didn’t/don’t know yet.  The person who informed me of this told me she understood everything going on and she only replied with, “I can’t imagine how hurt you must feel.”  The weight of the constant pressure to hold my own and to be ready for a fight melted away.  I’m not perfect and I certainly was never trying to give that impression to anyone, but I also didn’t want someone running a smear campaign on me.  So it was nice to hear that someone was willing to see things from both sides and, more importantly, they were willing to get that information from both sides before making a decision on ANYTHING.    

Today I am grateful for family and communication.  There’s a lot going on in the world and we get really freaking tired and exhausted and overwhelmed….or at least it seems the women in my life do.  We take on loads and loads of things and we grin and bear it until we break.  That’s not uncommon, I know. But this weekend I was so grateful to have several different conversations, all with my sisters (by family and by chosen family).  Each one came at the perfect time and we were mutually able to help each other.  Community is a powerful thing and having productive conversations that ranged from emotional resolution to proactive planning and care for others and ourselves felt amazing.  It felt wildly relieving even if the topics we broached were heavy at times.  Dealing with life in itself can be heavy, especially in times of transition but those conversations this weekend demonstrated how simply that, just a call, a chat, a virtual meeting can change things.  It felt wonderful.  Forming that kind of community and reestablishing that connection is so needed and we need to stop taking on so much ourselves—or we need to stop pushing ourselves to the point of breaking before we seek help.  That reminder was needed.

Today I am grateful for emotional truth.  There were a few moments this weekend dealing with emotions being revealed and emotions being manipulated and in both circumstances there were different types of truth revealed.  With the latter situation of emotional manipulation, we saw first hand where our emotional stifling comes from and how we shift what we express based on who we are with (I will talk about that more later this week).  In that moment, within seconds, we saw someone go from tearful and unsure of themselves to confident and empowered as soon as they were in different people’s presence.  I don’t know if we can fully call it manipulation to be fair, but it was certainly masking and shifting based on the people present.  The other moment was a long time coming and I’m so grateful to have seen it.  Anyone who has followed this blog for a while knows I’ve been with my husband going on 25 years now and, like any couple, we’ve naturally had our ups and downs—some more severe than others.  He’s always been afraid of showing his true colors because he has always had that subconscious fear of getting hurt.  This past weekend he had a moment where he completely broke through that barrier and he was completely emotionally vulnerable and honest.  I can say that I wish it had happened sooner in life but I am so incredibly grateful it happened now.      

Today I am grateful for witnessing effort.  I’m not talking about the kind of effort that drives people to exhaustion or the effort that causes pain of any kind.  I’m talking about the kind of effort that shows that someone is on board and really with you.  The knowledge that someone has your back is the most comforting thing we could do for each other.  Actually following through and helping each other lifts the weight of whatever that person is carrying right off their shoulders and, this weekend, knowing that I have people in my corner feels amazing.  It feels like there’s a chance to change things, a chance to focus on what really matters.  And if we can do that, if we can shift our focus together and do what we need to do, then that future we’ve envisioned together just might come to fruition after all.  How amazing is that?  Just with a little effort, seeing the “team” come together, makes it all make sense and makes the work to this point seem completely worth it.  It wasn’t the exact path we chose to take to get here—but here we are.  The goal is on the horizon. 

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.