I need to advocate for sharing of stories for a moment here.  It’s in sharing stories of truth and experience that we learn and find connection but there is so much we discover about ourselves in the process as well.  Truth finds us in stories.  So I want to share a truth of my own.  There are some details that I need to curb because they are not mine to tell but I will share this for the sake of encouraging everyone to continue sharing.

I’ve had the same best friend going on 36 years now and we have been through EVERYTHING together.  When she moved out of state to pursue her career I was admittedly devastated.  I’ve never been good at keeping up with anyone—it’s nothing personal, it truly is an attention thing.  I get wrapped up and distracted SO easily that I way too often forget to reach out to people, even those I love with all my heart.  The other part of me is way too independent for my own good and I often don’t share what’s happening.  Over the last several months, we’ve decided to make a concentrated effort on talking with each other and it has changed so much.  We knew it was beneficial for both of us but we are both in that same boat of either hyper-independence or total squirrel…and there are times we’re both flat out tired.  However, we know we aren’t getting any younger and making this a priority has softened us both and brought us back to when we were younger, it helps us feel not so alone. That’s where this conversation comes into play. 

Specific events happened this past summer that I alluded to but didn’t want to discuss for so many reasons.  I was protecting someone close to me as well as myself and it was such a multi-layered situation that explaining sounded awful no matter how we looked at it—and at the end of the day, we got through it.  However, I’m not going to pretend that there weren’t mental ramifications for it.  But I STILL kept that story to myself—I didn’t even share it with my best friend of 36 years who already knows everything about me anyway.  I’m not sure if it was the emotion of the season and the things happening with my family, but those events from this summer started to play back in my mind recently, and it got heavy.  During one of our conversations, there was something in her voice that made me tell her what happened.  I shook while telling her what happened because I didn’t fully know how she was going to take it but getting it out felt good.  She empathized with what I said and then slowly alluded to having the exact same thing happen—and I could tell she had the same fears I did about being judged or judging the other party involved.  I had NO idea she went through it.  I want to be clear that not sharing earlier had nothing to do with trust, it mainly had to do with the other person involved and we both felt that way.  But in sharing those stories, the weight immediately dropped from both of us.

This is a testament to several things: 1. The mind is so powerful it can convince us that even those closest to us can’t handle what/who we are or what happened 2. Connection and communication is key to maintaining our own sanity 3. People understand far more than we give them credit for and it may surprise us how well they understand 4. I don’t advocate for sharing openly with everyone because trauma bonding isn’t a real bond, however, I fully advocate for taking the leap and sharing whatever is needed with those we trust the most.  Had we shared these things earlier, we would have been saved of carrying this weight and loneliness (from dealing with it alone) for YEARS.  This is coming from someone who has advocated for sharing all along—and I still couldn’t bring myself to do it so I needed this reminder.  I needed to remember that sense of security from trusting.  Those we love and who truly love us don’t run from the things we choose to hide.  They bring the flashlight for us as we face the dark and show us that it isn’t as bad as we think or that they share a piece of those fears as well.  Together we can take down whatever we need to and we can build each other up.  And how much easier those battles may be when we see what unites us—and what unites us can be surprising.