One time someone told me I was intimidating.

My friend looked at them and said, “Is she intimidating or are you intimidated?”

And from that moment on I refuse to take responsibility for how others react to my presence. (via Word P***)

I spent nearly my entire life trying to manage how people received me and how they perceived me.  I carefully curated what I looked like and how I behaved with those around me.  I thought I could show my power in those situations because I was demonstrating I could be whatever they wanted me to be—that I could do whatever needed to be done no matter what it was.  It took me a long time to realize that, not only was it exhausting, it was the furthest thing from claiming my power.  Being a chameleon is a cool trait and it’s cool to be comfortable with adaptation—even if it means tweaking our behavior every now and then.  But to think I’m in control by becoming what others expected me to be was ludicrous.  Reading that back right now makes me cringe.  Becoming what others “needed” me to be was giving those people my power entirely.  There wasn’t a trace of me in there while I did what they needed me to do.  And the moments when those little bits did eek out, I was cut off from those people, the same people who I helped.  So all that energy was used to become something I wasn’t thinking I would be “allowed” to claim my real power sometime. 

I’m not alone in this and I know this is in the same vein as people pleasing and yes, I can even see where some might think what I described above is manipulative.  I don’t deny that in some ways it was manipulative—I wanted a specific result/reaction from people so I behaved a certain way to get it.  That wasn’t for nefarious purposes by any means, it was out of self-preservation and a need for acceptance. Instead of discovering real power, I settled for drops of what could have been available.  I’ve noticed that it’s often people who have adaptive powers who have the power to shift a lot of things around them and people don’t always know how to react to that.  They try to stifle that because they are scared of that power and like to make it our problem.  But reframing the perception of power and accountability changes that dynamic.  It isn’t anyone’s job to make themselves palatable for everyone.  It isn’t anyone’s job to be liked by everyone.  No one is entitled to expect us to manage their feelings about us. 

So the key is simple: be who we are.  Completely and entirely free because we don’t need to traumatize ourselves by being more concerned about how we are perceived than living our own lives.  How someone feels is their business and what they do with those feelings isn’t our responsibility.  Release the weight of being accountable for how people feel about us.   We already have enough crap to deal with.