“Let me tell you something: a lot of people are not mad that you changed, they are uncomfortable that you didn’t stay where they could recognize you.  When you start growing, when you start healing, when you stop tolerating the same nonsense that you’ve been tolerating forever, they’re going to say that you’ve changed.  They’re going to say you’re different now, that you’ve switched up. They’re going to say you’re not the same anymore—and they are right.  You are not. That is the point.  Growth makes people nervous, especially the ones who benefitted from the old version of you.  The version that over-gave, overexplained, overstayed, over-tolerated.  So instead of admitting that you outgrew the space, they tried to shame you for evolving.  They tried to make growth sound like betrayal, they tried to make healing sound like arrogance, but hear me clearly: people evolve.  People grow, people change direction.  That is not fake. That is life. If staying the same was the goal, you would still be stuck in every season that almost broke you.  If comfort was the assignment, you would never discover your full potential.  You are allowed to upgrade, you are allowed to want more, you are allowed to outgrow people who refuse to grow with you.  And here is the truth they do not want to say: your growth forces them to confront what they are avoiding, so instead of doing the work they criticize the mirror.  Do not shrink yourself to make people feel safe.  Do not apologize for becoming healthier. Do not go backwards just to make someone else comfortable. You are not changing for the worse, you are changing for the better, and anyone who cannot handle that was never meant to walk with the version of you that is coming. Keep evolving, keep growing, keep choosing better because the people who are meant for you will recognize growth as alignment, not abandonment,” Jay Douglas.

As we approach the end of the year, it’s time to start thinking about what life looks like moving forward.  I’m not talking about the resolutions we will hear about obsessively next week and then people will forget by the week after.  I’m talking about reflecting and soul-searching, and looking at the events of the past year with honesty. Being brave enough to evaluate what has happened and our role in it and what that means for the future.  I’m talking about evaluating if we are aligned with who we are and having the courage to shift course if we need to.  Not everyone is a block to the life we want to live but it may be even more true that not everyone is an ally on that journey.  It’s normal for anyone to be afraid of what comes next on any journey, especially if it is a huge shift from what they/we’ve known.  It is NOT normal for those who claim to love and support us to start cutting us down when we take those steps.  It is NOT normal for those who claim to love us to cut us off when we talk about a behavior that hurts us.  It is NOT normal for those same people to work behind our backs to spread their version of the story.  That’s manipulation and control and that is not someone who supports us moving forward.  Plot twist is that person can also be ourselves.  But that isn’t what this is about today—this is about recognizing whether or not our environment encourages growth and that includes the people around us. 

The season is about honoring what has happened, expressing gratitude for the blessings/joys we’ve experienced, and welcoming back the light.  This is also the time to prepare for what’s to come.  Knowing the light is coming and knowing it’s time for something new—the next phase.  I don’t suggest cutting everyone out of our lives by any means, but I recommend using an extremely discerning eye on those around us.  To do that, I recommend turning that eye to ourselves first.  What have we done to bring ourselves closer to our goals?  What have we done to support our growth/evolution into the person we say we want to become?  What have we done that held us back?  What patterns are we repeating?  What behavior are we allowing into our lives that stifles the light we try to bring?  Once we can answer that honestly and authentically, the healing can begin and we no longer feel the need to shrink.  As Douglas says, some people will be uncomfortable with that.  Don’t let their discomfort become a hindrance to our growth and goals.  In the next year we will continue to evolve and we will continue to have opportunities to create or stay the same.  Don’t be afraid to choose better if it means losing something.  In order to do better, we have to lose the things that prevent that change.  It only feels lonely until the new door opens up and we find ourselves where we always wanted to be.  Don’t abandon ourselves on that journey—stay present, stay honest, stay in who we are and let the rest fall always.  We are grateful for all we have, but we are also grateful for all we can unlock within ourselves.  Let’s prepare to move forward.