Courtesy of The Depression Project

What self-gaslighting looks like: Depression edition

1. Blaming yourself for letting go of healthy habits.  When you should acknowledge the depression fog that makes it difficult to maintain routine and order
2. Shaming yourself for resting more when you should acknowledge that depression can drain you of all of your energy
3. Telling yourself your struggle is invalid because others have it worse when you should acknowledge that depression doesn’t discriminate—you can “have it all” and it will still make you feel like you have nothing
4. Criticizing yourself for ruminating about your past pain when you should acknowledge that depression can make you get “stuck” on certain negative events and have repetitive thought loops around it
5. Shaming yourself for not being able to do the “little things” and concluding you’re worthless when you should acknowledge that depression makes life feel so heavy that you just need to take a break and exist until the storm passes

Any type of mental struggle or chemical imbalance is the worst kind of battle.  It’s a battle within and the contender never shuts up and never stays down.  Even if you think you’ve delivered the knock out blow, somehow it comes back stronger than ever, ready to go another 10 rounds.  It’s the opponent that literally knows each and every single one of your secrets, your inner workings, the things you consider weak points, your fears, and your dreams.  It knows how to turn your triumphs into dust and your biggest fears into reality.  It’s the storm that pops up out of nowhere on a cloudless day—and it brings an F5 with it.  It’s terrifying and exhausting all at once.  All of that comes from within and there are times when it’s happening 24/7.  It feels like it would be easier to jump in that ring.  I am a firm believer that we can manage our mindset and our emotions—I never said it was easy nor is it a one and done type thing.  There is no time limit on these things.  But when we don’t have that control and we cut our own legs out from beneath us, it makes it all the worse.     

I want to take a moment to talk about number 3 on this list.  The truth is there are people who are far worse off than any one of us reading this right now.  There are absolutely levels of “who has it worse.”  That doesn’t mean our struggle isn’t real.  The mind makes it feel very real and it lies over and over again where we can’t discern our voice/reality from that lie.  They become the same.  I will say this: both are true, that there are people who have it worse and it doesn’t discriminate. In the middle lies the truth which is that it’s about perspective.  Chipping a nail falls short of fracturing your leg just as someone who has to worry about finding a place to sleep at night or trying to find a meal supersedes not being able to choose a restaurant. With that being said, we can only deal with what is in front of us or within our own mind.  The problem is still real no matter what type of hierarchy we put on it.  Suffering is suffering, we just need to keep it in perspective.  If you feel pain you’re in pain, you don’t need validation from anyone.  There’s a truth that goes with this as well: the longer we deny what we actually feel, the more depressed we can get because we aren’t behaving in tandem with how we feel, we’re creating a false reality because we’ve minimized our own thoughts and emotions.

As we are still wired for survival, we compare ourselves and we listen and try to adapt to our surroundings no mater how negative they may be—and a lot of negativity can come from some pretty positive looking places.  The point is that there comes a time for all of us when we start to listen to those outside influences more than ourselves.  Those outside influences become the voice we hear as I mentioned above.  Trying to fit in a box isn’t normal, ignoring signs our mind/body gives us isn’t normal, expending energy to make others feel a certain way isn’t normal.  Seeing the façade nearly every person presents on social media has created such a false sense of reality that we really can’t even use that as a gauge anyway—it’s fake.  All the things we’ve told ourselves are normal are the very ingredients that combust into that mental chaos and confusion that we shame ourselves for feeling.  Those feelings are inevitable when we look at what’s stacked there.  We have to be in our own corner and be our own advocate—we can’t be an adversary to ourselves.  So take a look at that list and find a way to be comfortable listening to what is needed.  The less we gaslight ourselves, the easier it is to recognize when others do it to us.  It’s up to us to set those boundaries.