Today I am grateful for reminders of balance of the human ego.  It’s been a tough week in the family as we’ve been navigating multiple health issues.  We’re trying to deal with these things miles apart and with varied degrees of strain in our relationships with specific members of our family, each of us learning to assume a role.  It hit me that ego can be the death of us in so many ways.  For the sake of proving she’s “worth it,” one would rather literally bankrupt another for the sake of proving their value—or reminding this person of their value.  So to get the attention you’ve been wanting, you’re willing to destroy your own future?  Seeing that put it in perspective how ridiculous the human ego can be for the sake of validating ourselves and proving we’re right.  I realized that’s not a battle I care to fight personally and I certainly can’t fight that for someone else.  I’m grateful for the reminder because I’ve felt myself get to that edge many times, looking for someone to tell me how worthy I am and how willing they are to sacrifice for me.  I wanted to see their actions match what I’d done for them…and it was a total waste of time.  I’m glad it’s been a long time since I’ve felt the need to do that, but I know where that urge comes from.  I’m grateful for the reminders to keep that in check.     

Today I am grateful for reminders about boundaries.  I’m increasingly aware of my inability to do it all.  I had a habit of taking the reins without letting anyone know because it was easier to do it and it made me feel like if I could carry the burden for others, perhaps they’d appreciate it.  In some cases they did, in others they felt like I was just trying to be controlling. But I realized in all the running around, in prioritizing my family (because I have a younger child), that I can’t nor do I want to continue to do it all on my own.  I can play my part and we can divide the work in a way that won’t drive us crazy.  We still need to do a better job of communicating what needs to be done but the act of dividing the work made it all the more tolerable to deal with.  It made me appreciate my own limits and the realization of what I did and didn’t want to (or was able) deal with.  It’s ok to have limits, even when it comes to helping.  Perhaps it’s most important when it comes to helping. 

Today I am grateful for sorting out and clarifying priorities.  These last few months have flown by (most of this year has flown by if I’m honest) and it put me in a position of total overwhelm.  Things started to come faster and faster and I wasn’t sure how to keep up.  I wasn’t sure how I found myself at this time of year already.  In all the chaos of transition this year, even with being sick, I still managed to get the house ready for the holidays.  Now with circumstances being what they are, we’re not able to host the holidays here.  My ego, heart, and soul went through some stages of grief with that, however, it has shown me something: time doesn’t have control over us if we don’t let it.  This year wound up like a freight train gathering speed and pulling me along with it because of all the things I wanted to do—and forced myself to do.  I have this cycle where there are years I feel like I’m totally on it, a powerhouse that can’t be stopped, and then there are times like this where I can barely remember to put the dishes away.  I’m tired of allowing outside circumstances dictate and distract and even derail the overall goals I’ve had.  So, I’ve realized that my energy needs to be more carefully and purposefully managed.  If I don’t want time to get away from me, I need to pay attention to what I’m doing and stick with what I have laid out as the goal.  And don’t misunderstand, I love the holidays and I would have decorated regardless, however, feeling like I did this year, I likely would have toned it down a bit and expected others to be ok with that.  It made me realize that certain messages I have aren’t received the way I intend them so it’s best to focus on what I need to do and let people do what they need to.  With that shift in focus and priority, I feel like I will stay on track in the game.

Today I am grateful for moving forward.  This was such an interesting year for me—and I will review that more as I get to the end of year stuff.  I truly have so much to be grateful for and I’m working diligently to keep that at the center of my focus.  There was a lot to celebrate.  I’ve also realized that I don’t always deal with transition very well and I have some things to work on there.  With all of that being said, this year was a MAJOR shift for me in so many ways—professionally with changing careers, personally with different relationships (familial, friendship, romantic), and inner-personally with dealing with mid-life and the reality of who I am, what I’ve done, and what I still want to do.  In order to move forward, we all have to learn to adapt to change.  Even change we ask for.  I had longed for the moment my life would look closer to what it does right now.  It took me longer to acclimate to the reality of it than I thought (especially after playing it out in my head for so long) but with those changes came the reminder that sometimes the things we want impact us in ways we didn’t see coming.  There are challenges even in the good, even in the things we ask for.  As I said above there were moments that felt like they blindsided me and moments I felt on top of my game.  That’s life.  But now I know that in order to move forward we have to be fully committed and fully on that train.  It’s time to purge again.  It’s time to get really honest about a plan forward.  I see the goal, I see the vision of the end goal but it’s time to shed the extra pieces I’ve been carrying under the guise of “What if.”  It’s time to stop preparing for every inevitability in life and start preparing for what’s needed to achieve the goals.  It’s time to focus on what’s wanted and take steps in that direction and leave the rest behind.  THAT is moving forward.

Today I am grateful for courage.  In spite of feeling weak in the past year due to changes in friendships and other relationships, I’ve found strength to move forward in ways I didn’t know I had.  I made choices to change the overall trajectory of what life looks like for me because I wanted something more conducive to the big picture.  It was scary and it created a stir in my routine and habits and it didn’t go exactly as I anticipated but I kept moving forward.  Change, even desired change, takes courage.  With all the stressors, both internal and external over the last few weeks/months, I’ve seen over and over again that change takes courage, clarity, and confidence.  Even desired change can be challenging.  Change means letting go of the familiar in favor of something new even if we don’t see all the nuances of what’s new and what’s to come.  We are fast approaching 2026 and I am determined to not get sidelined or sideswiped or dragged along by anything this year.  This is about eyes on the prize and clarity.  This is about gratitude for how far we’ve come and our willingness (my willingness) to continue to move forward no matter what it looks like. This is about a new degree/level of balance and focus.  I’m not saying it will be easy and I’m well aware that not everything goes to plan.  But moving forward knowing the plan will at least give us a course to stay on.  I’m truly ready to move forward.  I’m ready to leave behind the things the universe is telling me to leave.  I’m ready to let go of the idea of potential or the nostalgia of what was in favor of the effort to be who I’m meant to be.  Picking up the full mantle of who we are is one of the most courageous things we can do.  In these last few weeks of this year, I’m making peace with those pieces of the past that still linger and I’m preparing for the move forward.  That is one of the biggest leaps I can take and I’m grateful for it. 

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.