For ages I thought I needed money to be able to do what I want when I want.  No accountability to anyone is what I believed constituted freedom.  No one ever telling me how to live my day, operating entirely on my own schedule at my own pace sounded pretty free.  It felt like the opposite of where I was, crushed by deadlines and work that I had no interest in, adhering to a schedule that constantly forced me to push harder and harder to do more while leaving behind and delaying what I wanted to do, needing permission to go to the restroom and take a day off.  I felt with everything in me that wasn’t life and I started to question why we were fighting to live that way.  The more I looked at it the more it felt like a trap.  Like, sure we are free to decide and do what we want to but we can only do it if we can afford it.  IE, we can go to Disney tomorrow if we can pay, or we can eat the healthiest food in the world if we pay or we can take time off work if we have enough hours accumulated for work WE’VE ALREADY DONE.  How are we free if we are only allowed to participate in it if we can afford it?  And is it really freedom if the cost is actually different for people? 

So with those elements defining freedom for me (not answering to anyone and being able to afford to go wherever, whenever) I never looked at where the energy I have may have been leaking. I focused on not answering to people and finding ways to make a lot of money—nothing in depth about my purpose and what meant something to me. I knew I was letting people determine my life both by sticking with the job I had as well as being more concerned with how people viewed me than I was in developing the things I wanted in myself but I didn’t know how to stop. I was bound to what people thought I was and trying to make them see me how I wanted them to—and is that freedom if we’re worried about what people think of us?  I hated how unfair it seemed that we created a world with so many options and experiences that not all of us could participate in.  If someone decided we weren’t “enough’ we couldn’t do it.  It seemed even more cruel to say that it was the person’s choice and sure they could participate only if they were willing to pay the price.  Well, the price varies for the person and the choices they make, and if they have to choose between food and a vacation, well, that isn’t really a choice is it?  That is the cycle I want to break. 

To change anything, we need to change our definitions and viewpoints.  With all the advances and knowledge we have today and the ability to share that information, we are in a position to change that definition yet we still force ourselves to operate in systems founded hundreds of years ago.  I mean, sure there are parts that still make sense but overall those rules applied in a time when there were far less people and information took far longer to get to everyone.  Change was painfully slow.  It doesn’t have to be any longer.  We all have access and we all know what’s broken and what’s working in this world. So the truth is, freedom isn’t just about access, it’s knowing what we want access to. Knowing who we are and living that way is the real meaning of freedom.  Not leaking energy to perform and be a certain way around certain people, no longer adapting and contorting ourselves depending on who we are with and the situation, THAT is real freedom.  Accepting who we are is freedom.  When we accept ourselves, we find our path and we learn what rules apply to us, the parameters we want to live in, and what we will do to get there.  It isn’t just the money to call the shots and go where we want to go whenever and to live with no accountability—freedom is the ability to live HOW we want to, directing our energy where we want it to go.  We don’t need any permission for that—we just need a solid foundation and belief in ourselves.