“If you miss me, just remember I’m as far as you pushed me.  You didn’t lose me in one moment, you lost me daily,” Jay Douglas. We can only do so much to maintain relationships.  We need to recognize when the effort is simply not worth it when it isn’t reciprocated.  Relationships aren’t always 50/50—some days we need it to be 70/30 or even 90/10—but for the people who never respond or are all too comfortable taking 100, or they’re only around when they need something, that puts us at the point where we need to walk away.  It isn’t selfish, it’s self-preservation.  It isn’t our responsibility to mend relationships with people who have no interest in being a partner to us.  It’s ok to set the boundary without guilt and it’s ok to acknowledge that some people aren’t our people. What we allow is what enters our lives, no one will protect or respect that boundary unless we create and enforce it.  I’m not saying we need to build a fortress, we just need to know our limits.  Also remember that what we resist persists—like, pushing people to be who we think they are will never work. If we constantly try to make that person be who we want them to be, the further they will push away from us.  We have to accept people are who they show us they are.

I’ve heard from a few people lately that they miss me while my door has been open the entire time.  I’ve seen them walk past, pretending they couldn’t see it or that they couldn’t hear me responding to them.  I’ve reached out to these same people asking for connection to hear nothing in return.  Yet when we are in situations where we have no choice but to be with each other, suddenly they miss me.  It’s funny that the entire time the way was open and I’d gone more than half way and you weren’t there.  Seems like missing someone would warrant making a little effort.  Relationships don’t break down overnight and they don’t disintegrate because of one person, either.  No relationship is effortless, but they also don’t require one person to exhaust themselves or lose themselves in accommodating the other.  Our lives aren’t meant to be spent pleasing others and folding ourselves into little boxes to make people accept us.  So when it comes to missing people, if that relationship is worth it, then we make the effort to miss them less by reaching out, extending the hand to make sure they know we are there.  I had to get over feeling like I was intruding on those I loved when I wanted to speak with them.  If I wanted contact, I needed to pick up the phone—so I know it works and that’s why I was always cognizant of keeping myself open for communication. 

We are not obligated to blur our boundaries or become something else to keep a relationship.  I found my best friend when I was 6 years old and to this day I am still reminded nearly every time we talk WHY we are best friends. There is no comparison to that person who just GETS it—and I am forever grateful to her because she helped me remember what it means to value those we care for and that it isn’t our job to be liked by everyone.  That person who has the same wild fear of flying over water because they might get eaten by some sea creature….I mean, not having to explain that is priceless.  There are just those people who require 0 explanation for anything that goes through your mind because they are already on the same frequency, they match your energy.  The body knows this and it knows when there are those who DON’T match our vibe.  They don’t even match what they say.  The people who claim they miss us yet do nothing to rectify it when there is every opportunity to do so don’t match that vibration.  We can say whatever we want to, it’s what we do and feel that shows what we really mean.  So if there is a fracture in a relationship and we’ve done our part to repair it, it’s safe to say the other party might need to put in some effort. We are only as far as we keep people and vice versa.  Don’t go chasing people, trying to force them to walk through an open door.  If they keep walking, let them.