Like we spoke about yesterday, we seek validation for so many reasons.  Human nature related to the desire to belong or the desire to be heard, the desire to be right.  We want to know our existence matters and there are times we feel we’d do anything to KNOW we matter.  While I was working my 9-5 the other day, listening to music, I was brought into the moment with a line from a song by SpillTab-Velcro.  I’ve heard it a million times and I’ve always loved it but something in that moment caught me and I realized how important and significant it really is.  The line says, “Every other chance I get to go without you, I go out to see if I’ve lost my stride or if I still run; Betting on a plan with no variables I’m easily thrown by every little influence under the sun.”   It speaks to needing to know who we are, to not get so wrapped up in other people, overly attached to what they do, their thoughts and opinions.  We need our own identity no matter what.  We are ourselves first and always will be regardless of who comes into our lives. 

We bring our whole selves to our work and relationships and we create something new—we don’t immerse ourselves so deeply in something that we BECOME that thing or that we lose who we are to that effort.  We express who we are through these pursuits rather than use a pursuit to give us meaning.  It’s because we are connected with our work that we find purpose.  We guide ourselves and we keep our awareness of our direction, mission, vision, goals outside of what we do with other people.  We need to believe in our own strength and identity because at the end of the day, we stand with ourselves and we have to look at our actions and determine if they were right—we only know that if we know our own values.  If we are influenced by everyone else, then our best laid plans will never pan out.  We can have a goal, a singular focus, but if we take other’s input to heart too often, then we will never cross the finish line of our own goals because we will spend more time trying to incorporate and bend to what other people think is right than doing what we KNOW is right for ourselves.

We’ve previously spoken at length about what it means to seek validation outside of ourselves In terms of relationships and work and anything we do hoping to get some sort of approval from others.  We tie our worth to what we receive from the outside, what people think of us, and soon we become the chameleon, adapting and shifting and changing with each situation.  That’s the fastest way to lose ground on our personal identity.  Every now and then, even in the HEALTHIEST of situations, we need to take time to recenter and make sure our actions are aligned with our values and beliefs and that we aren’t doing something simply for the sake of getting a specific reaction out of people.  We always need to remain separate because the truth is we are not halves made whole by any other person—we are whole beings on our own with specific talents that require our mastery and knowledge so we can bring those skills to use in whatever we create.  No one will fill the gaps we may feel related to finding purpose—we must recognize those gaps and create the means to fully express what is needed.  No one can do that for us.  So go out and remember how to run to our own rhythm and don’t allow the outside to throw us off.