“Don’t blame a clown for acting like a clown.  Ask yourself why you keep going to the circus,” Daniel Chidiac.  If we have no control over other people’s actions, then why do we continue to show up and interact with them expecting them to change? When we’re younger, going to the circus seems like a fun thing, but as an adult, we tire of the façade, the sleight of hand, and he needless filler that wastes our time. If we take the time to express concerns about our relationship to the other party and they continue to engage in the specific behavior that caused the issue in the first place, that has become a choice.  That is crossing a boundary and outright disrespect.  Sure we can continue to bring up the issue to the person but if they aren’t going to take the time or put in the effort to change a behavior that causes distress, then that is a relationship that needs to be put to rest.  Why do we keep coming back?  We’ve been open and honest and they aren’t reciprocating and they certainly aren’t showing respect or regard for our feelings.  Expecting someone like that to change is futile.  So why do we engage?

I believe in giving people chances and I have probably given more than was reasonable in some situations.  I should have gotten the hint way sooner than I did and walked away from the scenario because it was clear where I stood with the person.  They say when someone shows you who they are, believe them—and there were people who clearly showed me who they were and I continually hoped they would treat me right or realize what they did and we could make amends and move on.  Some of those people did and some didn’t.  I equated my value to the ones who didn’t seem to want to treat me how any decent person should have been treated and I allowed my boundaries to be crossed repeatedly no matter how vehemently I said I would stick with them.  I needed the validation and I often never got it even after making allowances and going against my values.  That was one reason for going back to the circus.

The other reason comes down to self-esteem.  If we feel we can only have or are worth a certain type of relationship then we continually lower the bar until we can are stepped on.  If we have a healthy sense of self-worth and a firm sense of who we are, boundaries and values, we don’t tolerate the clowns in our lives and we certainly don’t keep buying tickets to go to the same show over and over again.  We know how it ends every time and we find better ways to use our time.  We find better people to direct our energy towards.  We find the worth within.  Some people simply won’t help who they are—I refuse to say can’t because anyone can change their behavior.  They feel they are who they are and that they can treat people like crap.  They can be disrespectful to others and themselves and not think twice about it and just because certain people may allow it, we don’t have to.  Who we surround ourselves with is a conscious choice and we all deserve respect and appreciation.  Anyone who isn’t holding up their end of the deal needs to go.  Stop entertaining them.  Life gets a whole lot better, more clear, more manageable when we get rid of the people running a riot act on our lives.  Eliminate the chaos and watch what happens.