Today I am grateful for truth.  I understand that speaking truth is a scary thing when we’re younger because we’re worried about fitting in, we’re worried about being accepted, we’re worried about being likeable.  The funny thing is, the more we accept and learn about ourselves, the more we realize that other people’s opinions literally mean jack shit.  If we are just honest from the jump, we will find those who understand us and we understand that it isn’t about being liked by everyone, it’s about being with the right ones.  This weekend has shown me the value in speaking up.  I’ve realized that I only speak out to the people I feel safe with—like when we’re in a store and someone gets too close, instead of me standing my ground, I’ll bitch about it to my husband.  This has lent a somewhat child-like quality to me where people think they can push me around because I’m smaller—but I am 41 years old and I am more than entitled to my space regardless of what you think of me or your initial perception.  I deserve respect and I don’t need to back down.  That isn’t to say I need to be aggressive either, just that I can take my space.  Speaking truth is what creates that space for us and our truth will naturally attract those who understand it-our tribe. 

Today I am grateful for good conversation.  Over the course of the last several weeks, my best friend and I have taken a much more concentrated effort on connecting with each other.  We live in different states now but this is a friend who has understood me from the beginning—like since I was 6 years old.  We’ve both advanced into very busy lives and it was hard with the distance between us to keep up regularly.  Not that it ever caused an issue—we’d ALWAYS pick right back up where we were without a problem.  But as we’ve gotten older, we’ve realized that, while that’s ok and we’ve maintained the relationship, when someone means that much to you, you need to take the time to emphasize and learn what’s going on.  I’ve learned more about her over the last few weeks than I had for a long time.  I mean, believe me, we know each other, we care about each other, but with all the time and space between us, life continues and there are details missed.  Add that we are both hyper-independent and self-sufficient women who don’t like to “burden” people with troubles and we were missing things.  Like I said, when someone means something to you, you make sure to prioritize the relationship and I am so glad that I have.  This past week I’ve met with people on three separate occasions for lunch and someone said that when we see each other outside the office, there is an important window into ourselves.  And it’s true.  Conversation is an art that we are all too quick to dismiss.  Conversation is what brings us back to the moment and shows us what matters, the differences we have become doorways to compromise and learning, and the connection is deeper.  Conversation is the foundation of relationships.  I encourage everyone to open up and see what you can share and what you learn.  It changes everything.

Today I am grateful for reminders of peace and purpose.  Full transparency, as I write this I don’t have an ounce of peace about me.  I’m irritated.  I’m annoyed.  I’m angry.  I’m frustrated.  And there’s not one thing I can do about it.  I’m resentful because I can’t do anything about it and people still somehow expect me to take action.  Somehow still expect me to live on their timeline.  I’m pissed because my boundaries are being crossed by a person who literally doesn’t even have the capacity to understand that they are crossing boundaries.  So all I can do in this moment is remember that this too shall pass and there will be a calm at some point that will make me wish for the chaos again.  I have a purpose and if someone doesn’t understand that, it isn’t my job to make them understand, it’s my job to keep fulfilling my purpose.  So stay the course.  As annoying and aggravating and obnoxious as it is to have people try to push, we have to accept it and accept the fact that all we can do is our best and keep going.

Today I am grateful for life.  Life isn’t all pretty—there’s a lot of ugly right now in so many aspects and facets of the world.  There’s a whole lot of pain and anger and rage and I feel my own degree of that as well.  But it doesn’t have to be like that.  Life is beautiful in its own way no matter what’s happening and we just need to bear witness to it and be present.  It’s hard when we are in the midst of balancing our own battles and we have to navigate the challenges other people face as well.  There’s a lot of life out there and it comes in all shapes and sizes and all we can do is buckle in and enjoy the ride.  Not to suggest we are helpless by any means, in fact, quite the contrary.  When life shows us the ugly side it’s up to us to keep looking for the good.  It’s up to us to keep being an example of the good.  So no matter how rough it gets, I am grateful I have the opportunity to be here and make a mark.

Today I am grateful for completion.  This is another full transparency moment: Not one thing in my life is complete.  There are about 100 half-started projects around the house that need to get done that are driving me crazy and I’m getting pressure to finish things that have no impact on anyone other than to be their source of relief.  But this is an opportunity to focus on the good and there is always good in the struggles.  I am not ignorant to the fact that the issues I’m dealing with pale in comparison to some of what’s happening in the world, but I’ve also learned that we can’t play the comparison game to someone else’s struggle.  We ALWAYS need to keep perspective on our struggles yes, we need to know we aren’t the only ones dealing with issues, but the problems aren’t a competition.  No one has to be at a certain level of “issue” to qualify for help.  If we are overwhelmed, we are overwhelmed—we don’t need someone to validate that’s what we’re feeling.  So for now I want to focus on when all of this is done and try my best to deal with the things in front of me one at a time. I am one person and I am under no obligation to do more than is within my capacity.  It makes me uncomfortable to be hounded and pushed but even in those moments of discomfort, I am under no obligation to be more than what I can be in that moment.  If I’m functioning at 60% and I bring every ounce of that 60% to the game, I’ve given my all for that day.  And that’s ok.  I’m human.  It will all work out in the end. 

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.