I don’t have a direct quote on this one, but I saw a discussion Jon Bernthal had where he references the death of ego and how life matters more when you put aside ego.  He mentioned something along the lines that ego isn’t important but we have to matter to someone and we have to know we matter.  So being the best and biggest in something ultimately matters very little if we don’t have someone to share it with.  As humans it’s natural to want to leave a mark—the preoccupation with those we remember from history and the stories we have been told for millennia stick with us.  Who wouldn’t be fascinated with the idea of being remembered forever?  The problem is the difference between famous and infamous is a fine line and we have to remember that it isn’t always important that WE are remembered, rather it’s what we DO.  There are plenty of people in history remembered for some pretty terrible things so simply being known isn’t always a good thing.  The human creature needs to be known by those who matter, by those who see the soul within and help guide, shape, and walk with that person.  The connections we form are meant to shape each other, not just mar each other.  When we get over how things look or worrying about how we look to other people, we can focus on doing the work we need to.    

There is a shift that happens in life, a shift that can happen any time, that shows us very clearly what matters.  Some people face it in mid-life but that isn’t always the case.  The feeling is always the same: the discomfort where what we do no longer feels right and we suddenly understand with absolute certainty that there is more to life than what we’ve been trained to do, more to life than what we were told matters.  We simultaneously want less and more out of life.  It coincides with the realization that we truly do have limited time on Earth, limited time with the people we love, limited time to do the things we love.  You’d think since this is a phenomenon shared by nearly every human to ever have existed that we would stop repeating the patterns that lead us to these moments in the first place.  We’d learn to do what matters sooner and we teach our kids what matters sooner.  I struggle with breaking some of the things my parents emphasized like good grades and kids should do what they’re told.  I am not a harsh parent and I do like to help my child explore his interests—but I see so many parents focus on how kids feel rather than doing what they love.  Like, a lot of his friend’s parents talk about how others make them feel and expressing their feelings back (which serves a purpose) but I focus on figuring out how what we DO makes us feel, how we feel doing what we love, and how we feel with those around us.  Those are important distinctions.

We let the ego run the show when we care more about how someone made us feel than we care about the work we do or how we can combine complementary goals to make something better.  We have to stop valuing someone’s feelings higher than someone else’s, and we have to stop letting ourselves be victimized by our interpretation of events.  That’s letting ego call the shots.  It’s easier to see the big picture and what we have to do when we take ourselves out of the picture.  It isn’t about finding ways to be the hero—it’s about finding ways to help the situation.  I know firsthand the frustration at not being heard and having my efforts ignored.  I know the frustration at doing work that we may never see the benefit of.  It comes down to how we feel while doing the work.  If the only joy we get is when the project is finished, then did the reason behind it even matter? Not really because it was just an item off the list.  Make sure to start asking ourselves if what we do benefits our hearts as well as those around us and that will serve as a reminder to keep focused on what matters: what we can bring to the table rather than what we take off it.