I no longer expect that people understand what I need.  I opened my heart and soul to people dozens of times, hundreds of times, to be left standing wanting.  I’m also not going to pretend I understand what people need because I’ve been bold/annoying enough that I thought I knew what others needed, that I could read them, that I understood how the mind “really” worked only to be proven completely wrong.  My husband’s needs are different than mine, my friend’s needs are different than mine or each other’s.  Even if we think we need the same thing (in some cases we do) we may need them done differently.  I don’t need to spend $50.00 on a lunch for myself when I can easily accomplish what I want with something far cheaper.  I don’t need to spend $100’s on a single outfit when I can get an entire wardrobe for the same amount.  So not only are the needs different, the way we meet them is also different.    

We all have different priorities and for me, sanity is top.  Happiness is up there but that often only comes with sanity.  I know happiness can be fleeting depending on what we are doing, but it is often a goal.  I think we mistake the idea is that achieving the goal is what makes us happy when we really need to see that it’s how we approach things that make us happy.  We can approach anything with the goal of being happy and regardless of the outcome, we will still be happy.  If we are focused and clear on our driving factors, it’s much easier to keep perspective on the things that feel good/what makes us happy.  People aren’t designed to make others happy, rather we are designed to work together to make things happier for all.  It is human nature to approach things in different ways even if we have the same goal in mind.  My happiness isn’t contingent on doing it my way, rather on achieving the goal.  And even if we don’t achieve the goal, I’m happy if we formed a positive relationship and worked together well, if we learned something. Experience is valuable because it shows us what we need.  It shows us what feels right and it shows us what will and won’t work on our path.  There is nothing wrong with needing different things or even wanting different things.  My life in this moment is testament to the need for change.  I knew I needed to change and it took a while to get here, but once it was here, let me tell you, it’s nearly a complete overhaul.  New job, new hair, new clothes, redoing the house, helping my husband find what works for him, new attitude about money, new attitude about faith, taking chances, and learning confidence.  I knew I needed to make those changes and I knew that they were all the steps I had to take to get to the overall change in my life I was looking for: putting me back in the driver’s seat and working toward the goals I’ve put on pause for too long.  Action is the thing that drives people forward.  Even if it seems counterintuitive, even if it feels like moving backwards at times—my soul knew what I needed to match the reality a long time ago.  I don’t need to imitate what others want to be happy—I just need to listen to my heart and take action on it and that will get me where I need to go.  Sane.  Centered. Focused.  And most importantly, aware of who I am and what I need to do. That isn’t for anyone else to tell me—I already know.  And so do you.