Have you ever gotten to the point where it feels like your mind can’t take anymore?  Like it isn’t possible to bring in anymore information?  I think of the lifetime of data stored in the mind, how we even figured out how it’s stored, and what we do with it.  How minds operate differently, what catches the eye of one person ignore by another.  Trying to keep up with all of it is pointless.  There is no way to manage it which seems like a cruel joke at times because for a world that has millions of options of things to do, see, experience, learn about, we do our best with a singular focus.  We have to decide what we want.  We have to decide what is relevant, what stays. When we reach that limit and decide something has to change, the mind changes its view on what’s important.  Time and experience and so many other factors help us narrow down what matters most—and what matters most changes at different stages of our lives.  I’m finding that I have to take a bit of a different path to get where I wanted to go.  My mind can’t take in anymore information related to this period of my life.  It’s time to shift focus and let go of what doesn’t work.

Of late, I’ve felt like my mind has tried to absorb too much.  To do too much.  I’ve often talked about trying to live multiple paths at once and the universe has brought me here, where the two paths start to diverge.  I can’t keep a foot in both sides—which I’ve known for a long time.  But the day is here and I have to decide.  I envisioned leadership and the work I do so vastly different than what I’ve been doing.  Deciding to let it go altogether is terrifying to me.  Not just because of the change but because I am losing something.  Granted I’m losing something to gain something, but there is still a feeling of giving up now that the one path didn’t turn out so well.  But I also know that continuing on that path would ultimately force my hand regardless.  So I find this new way, this path to peace, to who I really am and I still feel overwhelmed.  Because there is a moment in transitioning to something peaceful that feels heavy.  Like worrying if we prepared the next person to lift it up enough. 

When we try to align our lives with who we are, we have to let go of something else.  We may always remember, but we have to let it go.  We have to live as we really are.  I know I’m not all good, I’ve made mistakes, I’ve ben selfish.  I still question if I make the right choices.  But I’ve done good too.  I’ve protected people, I’ve given to people.  And now, so I can give more, I transition to a role that affords me what I need.  Time.  I am grateful.  I will take it one day, one moment at a time.  For my son, for my husband, whoever needs me.  And for me.  To breathe.  To find my center.  I am so grateful this dream is coming true, no matter how different this route is, I feel it in my gut that this is the right choice.  So I can find the silence and not be afraid of it anymore like I talked about yesterday.  So I can hear the silence tell me more about who I am and I feel comfortable looking in the mirror.  That the person looking back is a true reflection of me.  So when the mind is overwhelmed, when it feels like we can’t take anymore, perhaps that is just the universe pushing us through the tube to the next phase of our lives.  It’s telling us to focus on what matters. Listen and you will hear it.