Sometimes in the middle of your mess, it’s easy to forget that you are blessed.  The mess can be ugly and blind us to the reality of what’s around us and keep us from seeing the silver lining.  It can overwhelm us, putting our senses on overload and we don’t even know how we got there.  This past week I’ve had a lot of sensory overload in the form of anger, fear, confusion, regret, and frustration.  It got too heavy and I broke.  I did something I haven’t done in a long time and I said and did things I swore I would never do again.  I felt selfish after because I instantly knew how wrong I was.  I instantly knew that I forgot something about my life.  All I could see was the dark and I had let it win.  I let myself be blinded to all the good around me because of an idea I had stuck in my mind, a story I was telling myself about my worth.  I was also letting people tell a story about me, and worse, I was believing it.  When we let the voices outside get that loud and we are already confused with the mess of whatever is happening, there is no logic there.  The truth does not exist in a way.

There is always a point where we snap out of it and we pick ourselves up by the bootstraps and we remember what we have around us.  We can’t wallow in the fact that we went to a dark place for a bit.  But we can certainly shine the light on the blessings we have and remember gratitude in everything we do. I needed to practice some forgiveness for blinding myself, for forgetting the good, for letting the bad overwhelm me to the point of a low I never thought I would see again.  I needed to forgive some people who had done some crappy things and honestly, I had to be ok with not forgiving some.  It was ok to set the boundary with them—the lesson of I want you to eat, just not at my table. It’s ok to let go of those who cause the mess because they WANT you to forget you’re blessed.  We just have to keep going.  No matter what, it’s important to keep going. You never know what can be right around the corner, the light so bright you will never forget your blessings again.