“Stop asking everybody what they think.  When I have a really big decision to make, I don’t tally people.  In fact, the bigger it its, the bigger the consequences, bigger the pain/consequences/trauma, whatever it is, I go in.  Because they’re gonna confuse me.  That’s what you do, you stop asking people.  And if you’re gonna ask somebody, go to someone who has specific knowledge about the decision you’re trying to make.  You’re not gonna go to mom, to dad, to your brother, to people who don’t have that, who that although they love you, their opinions are going to send you like a ping pong ball.  That’s how you become unsteady.  Start small.  Start making decisions without running them by anybody.  What to eat, where to go, where to vacation…allow yourself to be the decision maker, to be in the driver seat.  Get in the driver seat b/c what we do is let people drive our car, get in the passenger seat or get kicked to the back seat then get pissed off asking why are you driving like that? Why are you going that way that’s not where I really want to go. Then drive the car and stop inviting everyone in to drive it for you and get pissed off when they don’t take you in the direction you want to go.  If you’re gonna be pissed off, be pissed at yourself.  Because I chose, I chose wrong, but I chose.  That is how you build confidence.” Evy Pompourous

We all have reasons for asking people their opinion of things.  We all have a little doubt at times—even though we should never listen to the voice that causes doubt like I said earlier this week.  But when we rely on others to constantly make our decisions, we make life infinitely more difficult.  We may have thought it would be easier asking for someone to make the choice for us but when we know it’s wrong and we still go with it, then that choice became more about us giving over our power than it did about that person choosing wrong or taking advantage.  We let them take the wheel and then got pissed they didn’t take us where we wanted to go.  It doesn’t work like that.  As Pompourous says, even if we choose “wrong” we are still the ones choosing.  Sure it may be easier to play victim if we say that someone else took us there—but if we LET them take us there that is less about their fault and more about our decision to step back from the reins of our lives.  And the other side is this: the more we ask people and get more opinions, the more data there is to comb through and it gets overwhelming.  If you ask 50 people what they want for lunch, you’re going to get different answers—and that still doesn’t tell you what YOU want.  The same is said for any other decision we make.

There is a time and place for the opinions of others.  There is a time and place for collaborative decision making that requires a different train of thought.  But when it comes to the choices of what we want to do with our lives, we can’t rely on someone to tell us what we feel, what we are supposed to know about ourselves, or what sounds right to us.  We know the next move and we need to trust that we will make the right move as long as we listen to ourselves.  That isn’t to say rush into anything.  Take our time, figure out the information we need, take stock of our surroundings.  But at the end of the day we need to choose for ourselves and we need to take responsibility for those choices.  Not everything is going to be a life or death situation or even a life altering situation, that is true—so we don’t need to approach everything like it’s def-con one or something.  At the same time we need to remember that every time we let someone else call the shots we are weakening our ability to trust and choose and if we let go of that ability, we will miss the opportunity to choose when it really counts.  So just don’t do it.  Decide, learn, decide again, keep trying until it’s right.  That is what life is all about—learning and doing and creating through the choices we make.  Rely on our own abilities and we will never doubt again.