Do not be disturbed because in vulnerability we find strength. I’m not sure where I found this quote, I think I heard it in a reel.  It’s been playing in my head a lot lately as I’ve found myself in increasingly uncertain and vulnerable situations.  Like I’m in front of a precipice drawing ever nearer to the edge.  The truth is I’m not afraid—anxious and uncertain, yes—but not afraid.  It’s become increasingly clear that the world is on its head and that we are all seeking some sort of ground to stand on but we have no real clarity on where we are going.  We know the old isn’t working but we don’t have a plan in place to replace it yet.  So we can take this opportunity to be grateful.  To spend our time looking at what we have and expressing gratitude for it, for the presence in this life.  Look, I still have moments of doubt—doubt in faith, in myself, in what this reality is, whether or not I’m doing the right thing for myself and my family, doubt about who I am and my purpose and whether or not I can fulfill it, doubt as to whether or not I’m really supported and able to see what that purpose is.  I never understood why we would be set up with every opportunity to create success only to have that last step ripped away (it’s a pattern).  What I will admit is that there is strength in moving forward. 

Every time I/we hit the bottom of something there is always a moment of disbelief/despair.  The moment where we’re not even sure if we are going to stand again let alone attempt that climb again.  There are certain circumstances, though, where no matter how painful that fall may have been, no matter how devastated we are to find ourselves at the bottom again, we can’t help but find ourselves drawn to attempt the climb again.  We learn, we pivot, we try a new angle.  We may not be able to see the top anymore.  In spite of the hurt we are still drawn to it.  It’s those moments that make us understand the call of something greater from the universe, that there is something in us to answer that calling and complete the task.  There truly is strength in those most vulnerable moments when we aren’t quite sure if we can even open our eyes let alone see the path—and if we can see the path, do we see where it really goes?  The world has consistently shown one thing for all of eternity in spite of the most heinous atrocities or the most thrilling of victories: it keeps moving.

For all of the pressure and fear and stipulation and direction and expectation we put on each other, for all the illusion of power and strength and knowing we try to portray the universe has shown one thing: it gives zero fucks about any of that.  If we are on the right energy and aligned with the greater plan, it will happen.  There have even been some NOT so great things that managed to find their way through because there was enough power in the person’s belief that they swayed things in their favor.  But that is fleeting. We are all still human and there is a clock on what we do.  The universe will respond and sometimes it isn’t that we didn’t have enough faith or that we mis-stepped (although that sometimes happens too) but it is just that we need the strength to find a different way, strength we won’t get if we don’t experience the fall and learn to find our way back up.  When we are at our most vulnerable it’s easy to give up if we allow ourselves to wither with the thought of failure.  But if we manage to look at what we can gain from trying again, suddenly that precipice we fell into seems like an opportunity—or perhaps even something we need to outright jump into.  Experiencing those vulnerable moments was never about winning or losing, it was about learning where our strengths were and how to use them.