“When we don’t pay attention to our responsibility we are responsible for their immaturity,” Zebthe3rd.  This was an interesting one for me because I’ve looked at responsibility in different ways over the years, and frankly, this can be a circular argument in many ways.  I’ve often said that we are not responsible for people but we are responsible to people.  I can not make someone behave a certain way or do anything that I demand.  At the same time they can’t make me do or say anything.  Yet we are still responsible to each other, always on some level, because what we do impacts each other.  My decisions, the smallest choices make a difference on other people.  I discussed the butterfly effect with a friend the other day where we talked about how our interactions can change the course of someone’s day, and how it can change ours as well.  How we respond to people determines how they respond to us in turn.  Now, the context of this quote came from a therapy session Zeb had with some clients where they lost their respect and appreciation for each other and she ended up cheating.  I would never blame another person for “causing” cheating but there was an interesting point: when we neglect the purpose/need of the relationship there are consequences.  I wouldn’t say the other person is our responsibility but maintaining the relationship certainly is.  When we neglect our responsibility to anything, the consequences become our responsibility.

There was another portion to this quote talking about how parents were responsible for their 13 year old stealing a car (he cited a real example).  There is a difference: we are responsible for the actions of our children because we are their teachers and we need to be an example of what to do and what not to do.  They have less means to discern right and wrong and act more on impulse.  When we are adults and still act on impulse with no thought for consequence, we become responsible for an entirely different set of circumstances.  But here is the thing: I am not responsible for anyone.  I’m in a leadership position at my 9-5 and I struggle at times with a team who has been established for some time who consistently forgets what their role is and how to prioritize their work—sometimes even how to do their work.  As a leader, I am responsible for the results of the team and for managing their workflow/workload.  But I am not responsible for maintaining their ability to do work that they have done for over a decade—nothing has changed in that regard.  Some may argue a leader is responsible for motivation and I agree that’s true, but a leader should not have to micromanage to achieve what the standard expectation is. 

We make choices every day and those choices have consequences/results.  I am not responsible for the choices you make nor are you responsible for the choices I make, but we are responsible for the impact they have on each other.  If we don’t manage our responsibilities (the actual things we are responsible for) then they will take over and we become overwhelmed and direction is unclear.  Our role is to set clear and distinct boundaries about what we are supposed to do and what goals we are working toward.  We are responsible for knowing our role in a specific outcome and how to adapt to achieve the goal or how to modify the goal as appropriate.  But I am not responsible FOR your choices.  Do my actions contribute to what choices are available? Perhaps. Do my actions contribute to what choices you may make? Perhaps.  But am I actively the one making you choose and act on something that may not be the best decision?  No.  We are responsible for our own discernment and the consequences of what we choose.  I don’t pretend that my choices are done in isolation and don’t radiate out to the world, but I am confident that I am only responsible for what I choose.