Today I am grateful for following what feels right.  I’ve trained myself to ignore what feels right for me for so long.  Call it fear of missing out or fear of rejection or people pleasing—maybe some form of all of it—but I never believed what I felt.  I knew when I was hurting or upset about something and I would dive into that.  But I never took the time to dive as deeply into joy.  I see now that we need to spend as much time exploring joy as we do any other emotion.  We can’t let that emotion run wild or make our decisions, but we need to spend time with all emotion so we know how to navigate them.  When the body gives us signals, we are meant to listen to it.  I’ve learned to step away more frequently, to back away when I feel those thoughts of people pleasing and FOMO, and just sit with what I really feel.  I’ve also learned that if a particular feeling sits with me for a while, something I can’t shake, then I need to explore that in more detail because there is likely something else buried underneath that.  It isn’t just a passing feeling that I’m trying to suppress, that is something that’s trying to tell me something and to guide me.  We need to know the difference between guidance and a passing whim and how to trust what we are being told.

Today I am grateful for honest conversation. I was at a friends house the other night and her teenage son and his friend joined us at the table while we sat and talked and ate.  These young men truly impressed me-I feel like my grandparents when I say that…but it’s true.  They expressed themselves beautifully—clear, concise, non-emotional.  They accepted facts they didn’t like without any emotion either—they accept the reality of their circumstances without trying to change it.  And most importantly, they actually expressed how they felt about their relationships—all of their relationships including friendships and that type of bond. I’ve never seen kids so balanced in all they need to do, making time for advanced classes, sports, jobs, and each other.  I understand that level of stress, and I’ve never seen someone at that age so mature about it.  I’ve seen a lot of kids doing really stupid stuff (we all did stupid stuff when we were younger) and I’ve been afraid of some of the simultaneous swing between apathy for what’s important and the intense dive into life type of attitudes these kids have.  They have a certain degree of maturity and self-awareness that allows for very thoughtful conversation, sometimes making decisions I wouldn’t have been able to make as a kid—I’ve seen very logical choices made in circumstances I would have had an intense swing one way or the other.  I’ve also seen a degree of non-attachment to things that is impressive.  I understand they have the same pressures we did as kids as far as popularity and how they look—but the standards are different now.  There is a degree of inclusion I’ve seen with the kids in this neighborhood that gives me hope.  It makes me worry a bit less about the things that were important to me.   

Today I am grateful for the ability to worry less and reprioritization.  Expanding on the last point above with worrying less…I didn’t realize how much I focused on the future and how little I did the productive work toward the future I wanted.  That’s where the reprioritization comes in.  Throughout the conversation with my friend’s kids, I saw their ability to peel away the things that weren’t important to them and simply focus on what they enjoyed.  Time was of no concern to them and neither was trying to do all things at once.  It was a reminder to make the changes I need in my life rather than continue trying to balance all of the things at once.  It’s ok to put down what isn’t working.  To get where I’m going, I need to spend more time doing the work that will bring me there.  That sail needs to be dusted off and allow me to switch directions.  The more I talk with people involved in their passions, I see no shame in them whatsoever.  That is where I see progress. Knowing themselves and focusing on what brings them joy.  I have to be willing to cut out the things I don’t want to be focusing on and simply do what makes sense for me.  Do what feels right for me. That conversation made me realize that things are going to turn out just fine, just how they are meant to be—and no matter what they are fine because I can’t control the outcome anyway.  Just live.    

Today I am grateful for being on the same page.  There is nothing greater than being in alignment.  Whether with family, friends, work (any relationship), or personal goals, there is nothing like the feeling of everything coming together.  We’ve been navigating some challenges with a group of people and this is something I used to feel great opposition on.  I was seeing behavior that others weren’t seeing or they weren’t experiencing first hand.  And when I’d talk about it, it was often dismissed.  But recent events have shown that we needed to look at things another way.  As we did, certain things became clear.  We needed to make different decisions and it was time to reprioritize our focus to our family.  Things I had been long suspicious of weren’t just in my head as a few people close to us saw it as well.  These were things that changed the way we operated.  In some regards, was I being paranoid and overly sensitive?  Of course.  My instincts weren’t 100%–but they were right.  And all that had to be done was to look at it from a different perspective for both of us.  We found a different priority as we started to focus on US rather than THEM.  We had long discussions about what was actually happening with all of these people and we beautifully came to the conclusion that we made the right choice to invest in our lives together rather than spend our time making things better for everyone else.  Not to sound selfish, but we weren’t getting the same return, and in some regards we were outright taken advantage of, and too many boundaries were crossed.  It’s a beautiful thing to be able to move forward with a shared focus.      

Today I am grateful for encouraging myself.  I’ve felt like I’ve dropped the ball over the last couple of weeks.  While motivation isn’t entirely gone, I have had a hard time keeping to everything I said I would be doing.  It’s not like I don’t want to be doing those things, it’s just hard to keep on that path for whatever reason—distraction, doubt, etc.  It also comes down to a matter of confidence: belief that I can sustain the changes I want to make, that I can be that person, that I continue to surround myself with people on the same page and that I keep my boundaries up.  To be honest about who I am and to trust those instincts.  I made it so far in so many regards, a few weeks of slipping isn’t going to derail the whole thing—but I can’t let myself fall any further.  I am allowing what needs to happen to happen.  I’m going to remember my power and own it and stop allowing the insignificant derail me.  Focus on what’s important and what I CAN do rather than punishing myself for what I wasn’t able to do, for being human.  Keep going and enjoy the results of  hard work and dedication. 

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead