Today I am grateful for perspective.  I spent most of my life catastrophizing everything.  I’ve never had any issue thinking of the worst case scenario.  I used to think it made me prepared and aware of the world around me but I’ve seen that it made me cynical and often afraid of my own shadow. Missing out on things that could have been wonderful experiences but I didn’t allow myself to see the value in the “risk.”  I spent as much time trying to find people to take care of me as I spent taking care of others rather than learn to take care of myself and build my own foundation.  And now that I’ve spent more time pouring the concrete of who I am, I see that things aren’t as serious as we seem.  Of course we need an awareness of potential issues—but we don’t need to operate under the assumption that the worst is happening.  I always thought we needed to respect title and authority and we needed permission from other people depending on our pursuits.  Really all that did was waste time I could have spent creating the foundation I’ve set now.  Life happens and if we ignore it or try to control it, we end up trying to drink out of a fire hose.  No one else has to deal with the consequences of our decisions but us—and those consequences can be enough—so we don’t need to add the layer of thinking we know their every move/thought etc.  The perspective is we all do our best, always, and that is enough.

Today I am grateful for grit.  I’ve learned over the last several months that people you thought you knew, people you thought had your back, will not be there the same way. They will not always understand us, and may not have the same intentions we do.  This is not news by any means but it can still be painful to experience it.  They say people come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime and it may be cliché, but people truly will make us share, grow, or learn depending on their path and purpose—perhaps depending on our path and purpose also.  I’ve made some incorrect judgements in my life about people’s characters—those I thought would always be there for me turned out to be self-serving or poisonous and those I thought were trouble have ended up being some of the greatest people I’ve known.  It takes a lot of grit and stamina to withstand the changes in relationships.  Sometimes those relationships don’t last.  Sometimes they were merely there to get us to the next level in our lives or through a particular lesson.  As a child I witnessed people come and go in my life, some far quicker than I would have liked, but I understood early on that you only let some people so close.  The ones I chose to let close didn’t aways stay there, and it always hurt to lose them.  It’s different as an adult, however.  When we know something isn’t right or it isn’t working, we let them go.  Perhaps it’s more about letting ourselves go in the process.  We release the burden of something that isn’t right and we move on. 

Today I am grateful for self-awareness.  I’m proud of the work I have done around this holiday/transition of seasons.  It’s been significant professionally, socially, and personally.  Professionally I’ve spoken up more than I have before.  I’d always share feedback and work with people, but now I’ve taken to directly speaking what is wrong with the whole and demanding ways to solve it rather than be forced to clean up someone else’s mess. I’ve also focused more on my own work outside of my 9-5 so I can move forward on my own two feet.  Socially, I’ve set boundaries and the dynamic of some of my friendships have changed.  Personally, I’ve never felt better about myself as it pertains to my health and my goals.  While I’m still working on both, I have made significant strides—I’m down 37 pounds and truly enjoy working out and eating well, and I’ve prioritized my writing and my business.  I’ve also prioritized my spirituality to better understand my relationship with this universe. I still have moments of frustration when people aren’t cooperating with what I think we should be doing, when they aren’t taking responsibility for themselves, but I know now that I can’t take that on for myself.  Doing their work isn’t my responsibility and if that, too, becomes a reason/season, then I can more forward knowing it served its purpose whether I am sad or lonely in its wake.  Some things just aren’t for us so we be grateful and move on.

Today I am grateful for compassion and understanding. I used to express excessive gratitude for people understanding me and I see now it was a trauma response.  I had spent so much time (still do to this day) misunderstood that whenever someone “got” where I was coming from and what I meant, I would feel automatically bonded and indebted to them.  I am still incredibly appreciative of that understanding, but I want to express gratitude for my ability to understand and have compassion.  Perhaps it can be boiled down to empathy, but I have always had a talent for immediately understanding the crux of an issue between people when it came to opposing sides.  I have also had a talent for being able to see the middle ground for resolution.  Doesn’t mean people followed that recommendation, but the solutions were always clear.  So I am grateful for my ability to have compassion and understanding.  There are times it feels heavy but I’ve understood that was only because I felt the responsibility to take on the next step and do the work for people.  Seeing all sides is a gift and it may take time to hone the explanation of it, but being understood and understanding others is one of the highest forms of connection.  There’s a reason they say, “I see you,” in Avatar (I know, dated reference).  The true seeing of the soul means we operate on a different level of energy and connection—and we all have that potential.  I’m grateful mine is so tuned in.    

Today I am grateful for family.  Family is 100% what we make it, both the family we are born into and the family we create.  I was fortunate to be born into the family I was.  I’m not saying it was easy, but it was a great example of family being the lesson we need and making us who we are.  It was also a testament to our personal nature in that we still become our own people regardless of what our example is.  We are inherently who we are and it is shaped by those around us.  We need that foundation, always, both the foundation of those we come from as well as the foundation of who we are on a fundamental level.  Life is a balancing act of dynamics internally and externally with multiple foci personally, professionally, spiritually, emotionally, financially, physically, socially, and both on the micro and macrocosmic scales.  There are billions of things to navigate every second, and we make it through based on where we come from and the decisions those around us have made and taught us to make ourselves.  It isn’t always perfect—it nearly never is—but it usually turns out to be perfect for us.  This is an appreciation of those who have been with me since day one, those I adopted into my life, those who adopted me, those who have taught me, those who have loved me.  Family is part of the soul group, and I am grateful to have mine.    

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.