Today I am grateful for compliments.  I do not take compliments well.  They make me uncomfortable and I feel awkward—like, are we supposed to say we know how good we are?  Or that we look good because we put in some effort?  Are we supposed to brag about what we know?  IDK, compliments feel like a setup sometimes.  Regardless, I voiced some concerns to a friend/colleague the other day and their response was they didn’t understand how people don’t hear me.  They said I have a presence—like when I enter a room I have a noticeable energy.  It made me feel validated as a person because there are days when it feels like I could be choking and no one would even notice, especially when I try to get my ideas out there.  This person told me that sometimes people think we already perceive ourselves the way they see us so they don’t think they are hurting us—they think we already get the validation we need so they don’t need to add anymore.  That may be true to a degree, the fact that humans perceive and interpret how people feel and perhaps confidence is assumed to be felt internally any time it is shared externally.  There’s a little secret: for those of us who fake it til we make it, it doesn’t feel real until we know it is real.  But I learned that there are some people who understand the energy we present and it is real to them—and we look different to everyone.  So I can appreciate that to some I am amazing and to others I am the worst. What matters though, is the information I let in—so I can take the compliment and believe it and THAT will make it real.    

Today I am grateful for learning to dissociate others feelings from my worth.  Just because someone behaves a certain way or treats us a certain way, that doesn’t mean it is truth and it doesn’t mean that is who we are.  Their truth doesn’t mean it’s your truth—or the truth.  When someone has an off day it isn’t a reflection of us.  There are certain people who will be sad or angry just because they are sad and angry and no matter what we do—they feel that way because they feel that way.  It isn’t about us and there is literally nothing we can do to change it.  I have several people around me who make me feel like no matter what I do that I am doing something wrong, like I am an inconvenience.  And some of these are people really close to me.  If someone makes you feel like you are an imposition or a waste of time or if they make you feel like a bother, then remove yourself as an option.  I am working on taking my own advice in this case.  When we know things aren’t working, when we know they aren’t right, we aren’t able to make excuses for their behavior any longer.  It’s always devastating when we get information differing from what we thought we knew or when we see a new side to people.  But people show who they are over and over again-believe what they show, not what they tell you.  So I am happy to have the opportunity to remember who I am and that I deserve better because their view isn’t my reality and it doesn’t have to be.  I can and do choose to move forward on my own.     

Today I am grateful for being reminded of my strength.  Strength comes in so many forms and when we spend our time feeling unworthy and finding worth in making other people happy, we often lose sight of where our worth is.  We can never make people do certain things or treat us a certain way, or feel a certain way for us.  It doesn’t matter how long we’ve been friends with people or in any type of relationship with people.  Just because we are close to someone it doesn’t mean we give up who we are.  We don’t need to give up who we are so we can get what we want or so someone gives us the validation that we are right for them. Sometimes these relationships exist so we learn who we are and become a new version.  No one is meant to be perfect so we don’t need to worry about being perfect for someone else–sometimes we have to just do what works for us., especially if those we thought we could rely on have demonstrated they will not be there.  Believe what people show.  Believe that we can do it on our own if needed.  I don’t need to fix the problems of those around me (especially those who create the problem in the first place), I don’t need to be available to those who aren’t available to me, and I don’t need to dim my light for those who choose to live in the dark.      

Today I am grateful for people who are there when we need them—even if we aren’t always able to be there for them.  When we fall on tough times we often find who is really there for us and we learn how to be there for ourselves.  There are different kinds of love, and sometimes we need a reminder that we are loved, especially when we don’t know how to love ourselves.  When people show up, that is the ultimate demonstration of love and care.  I want to throw in that I am grateful to demonstrate that kind of love as well, to be there for people, to help. The soul feels heard and seen when we are present and sometimes presence is the ultimate ministry.  Falling in love is beautiful, but staying in love is work, and love is varied but always kind. A little presence goes a long way.  In dealing with a highly sensitive situation this weekend (exactly the one that helped me find my strength and remember my worth), I understood the selfishness of one person around me and that it was no longer my responsibility to make them happy, to accept that I have done all I can and we are at the point where the next steps in the game are fully on them.  And in that moment I had to walk away.  It felt like the world swayed right then because it wasn’t something I expected.  I was not prepared and I acted on instinct and I am grateful for friends who are available when we need them. 

Today I am grateful for understanding that forgiveness and moving on doesn’t mean continuing to lose our identity through accepting shitty behavior from others.  We need to focus on who we are and accept the life we have without destroying our foundation or allowing anyone else to destroy it.  We don’t need to lie to each other to get what we want.  Lying is where the issues arise—one mistake or one error doesn’t mean we deserve to be written off and we live in a society that condemns mistakes readily and willingly and sometimes hungrily.  We are trained to find fault before praise.  We all know that each of us have a list that we are on that we aren’t proud of, we have all done something we wish we hadn’t (or we wish we had at least done it differently).  Understanding and forgiveness come when we are super honest about who we are and know what we need to know.  We also need to be really clear on what counts as a mistake and what was a willful/wanton choice to destroy us/the relationship. Sometimes forgiveness is about forgiving who we are—and knowing the difference between an accident and that choice in our own lives because there comes a point for all of us where we can’t play the victim if we continue to choose what brought us down in the first place.  We need trust in our relationships and when we deceive people because we don’t want them to react a certain way, we are taking away their autonomy to decide what they do or set boundaries that work for them.  Deception lets us believe we are controlling the narrative or the situation, but it doesn’t fix anything and that is a deception to ourselves as well.  In order to forgive others we must learn to forgive ourselves and accept forgiveness for ourselves.  The human state is complicated but it understands energy easily. If we can manage our energy and how we feel about ourselves, it makes navigating relationships with others that much simpler because it is clear what we are willing to accept.   

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.