Today I am grateful for understanding boundaries in friendship.  There comes a point in all relationships where we have to understand what the relationship means.  People aren’t subtle, they give signs all the time showing how they really feel and what their thoughts are.  Plus intuition is pretty right on so if we get the feeling their actions aren’t matching their energy/words then we need to trust that.  Believe what we feel if we can’t believe what we see.  I’ve had a group of friends for the last several years and if I’m honest I know that the dynamics of the relationship have changed.  I thought it had to do with my awkwardness and struggle with forming these relationships, but I see this is an opportunity for these people to use that awkwardness and gaslight me into believing I did something wrong when they have passed my boundaries and revealed who I am to them.  They have no issue coming in and using my home and my hospitality but they certainly do not take the time to respect my space or my home.  Broken floor, treating valuable items like they are nothing, not disciplining their kids to respect my space, forming relationships that exclude me—and then telling me that I’ve changed or that I’m behaving differently.  I thought that was an issue with me not understanding how relationships work but the truth is I do understand relationships aren’t meant to exclude one person until it’s convenient to bring her back in.  I know where I stand now and I am grateful to not have to pretend and I am grateful to stand my ground. 

Today I am grateful for renewed belief.  I am well aware of the timing of the universe and that we have to trust it—even if it isn’t always easy.  But every now and then there are signs we can’t ignore.  I have recently started speaking with the mother of one of my son’s friends more and this is a powerful woman, meaning she has an incredibly powerful presence.  I had been misinformed about her initially and then I had a brief experience of concern when I saw her interactions with someone who I had a legitimate issue with—but over time the kids started to hang out more and I realized that I needed to be a more active participant.  I also realized how awkward I still am with people.  Being with her has shown me what confidence can do.  Yes, confidence is something I speak about a lot but the truth is this is something that I still need to practice every day.  I need to know how to become the person I want to be without having concern for the perceived opinions of others.  As I mentioned above I’ve had a lesson with maintaining boundaries and part of confidence is the ability to maintain boundaries without fear of repercussion because we understand that if people don’t respect our boundaries or if they leave us, that is their issue.  We are allowed and all deserve respect so this woman is a source/reminder of that for me.  She spoke about her power yesterday and her ability to manifest and she even said she would teach me to let go of fear.  That is a huge step in my journey and I am grateful as this was exactly the right time for me to have that belief restored. 

Today I am grateful for shifting.  I’ve had an influx of sadness and frustration and anger lately because I have been well aware of the energy that is being siphoned off of me and the energy that was being put on me to feel guilty for having my boundaries and calling people out when they weren’t respected.  As I mentioned above, the universe has a divine plan, a timing in place, and just as this frustration and sadness were about to transition to guilt, two people came into my life to remind me of who I am.  I witnessed the previous group of people try to tarnish the relationship or, frankly, try to weasel their way in.  I felt some old tendencies creep up in myself, trying to be the best, trying to be the one who “won” so to speak—but I see the universe is showing me that these difficulties are in place because it is putting me on par to find the path I am meant to be on.  I felt like I was losing myself or losing something from the shift in dynamics but support came in right as I thought I was on my own.  I am learning the pieces of me that DO require being on my own and require me to let go of what anyone else thinks is happening in my life—and I am grateful that the right people showed up in my life to show me how to do it and remind me it was ok, it was time, and I am not crazy.

Today I am grateful to own my power.  I had an amazing experience on Friday where I felt the absolute alignment of the universe and the pressure left my body—I will speak more about that this week.  I am so grateful every time those moments happen because it reminds me how powerfully connected to the universe we are—just like my son’s friend’s mom who is so connected to her power and belief.  I went into that day ready to go and ready to take on the world and there was a new level of clarity and confidence in my actions.  I was ready to take on the weekend and host the party we had set up for Saturday.  It was funny how this moment I had been planning and was looking forward to suddenly didn’t seem so important.  I started seeing different interactions and I realized that there are parts of this that I was trying to do that simply didn’t fit any longer.  And I see now that it’s about releasing fear, and as we wind down this year, making decisions about what we want to do—what I want to do moving forward.  Not just the material aspect, but who I want to be as a person, how I want to show up for my life.  I know the moments that feel good and I am grateful and I am so grateful for the opportunities to settle in my confidence and decisions. 

Today I am grateful for peace.  I am taking a day to do nothing and simply relax.  I’m writing this early and I am going to let all the rest fall into place as it will.  I need rest, my heart, mind, and soul need a break.  I need to listen to what my body is telling me, what my mind is telling me, and I need to follow the universe and trust its timing.  I’m tired of stressing, I’m tired of yelling to be heard—I am ready to enter a room where I don’t need to shout to be heard, where I don’t have to fight to make a point, where people aren’t around just to take what I can give them.  I am ready to let go of what doesn’t serve, and enter an era of ease, peace, gratitude, and yes, power.  I know that means letting go of a lot of what I know now and entering some unfamiliar territory—but it is time. 

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.