Today I am grateful for action.  This is something we all need a reminder about every now and then.  With so many things happening in the world, in our minds, in our lives, things we want to happen and things we don’t, it’s easy to feel paralyzed.  Sometimes there is simply so much to do that we do nothing because the very prospect of where to start is too much.  If we start something then we’ve essentially pulled the Ker-Plunk stick and we risk all the marbles falling down before we can catch them.  But there comes a point when the overwhelm if inaction outweighs the anxiety of taking the first step.  The truth is all of life is a cascade, a ripple effect.  What we start will infinitely and inevitably lead to something else and we can’t stop that—we don’t want to stop that.  But we need to shift the perspective to understand that the ripple isn’t a bad thing: we aren’t trying to catch the mountain, we are trying to blaze a trail.  Some things will fall—it happens.  We aren’t meant to be omniscient and carry the weight of the world on our shoulders—this world demonstrates day in and day out how little is in our control.  All we can do is our best.  Create the plan, take the steps, do the work and accept that what comes is perfectly fine.  But taking action is the key.  We aren’t meant to stagnate waiting for the right time.  We are doers, and taking that first step is all we need to do and the rest will fall in line. 

Today I am grateful for conversation.  Over the last few weeks, and the last week in particular, I’ve had the opportunity to change perspective on some things.  So often we focus on talking and the things we need to get out (or what we feel we need to express) that many of us have truly lost the art of conversation.  In a world where we all feel a bit used and abused and ignored, we seek platforms to express our opinion, to demonstrate our control of thought, to showcase who we are.  Much of that behavior has transferred to in person interaction as well.  I made some judgements about people around me based on limited facts I had and some very strong feelings I had—and some legitimate cause for mistrust.  But what has happened is the breakdown of some barriers and boundaries that opened the doorways to hearing more of the other side and the truth is there is so much more in common there than I ever could have thought.  Hearing another person’s perspective and taking the time to understand someone else rather than wasting energy defending ourselves and worrying about our side creates not only a doorway, but a bridge.  I hold a lot of defense mechanisms to keep people at arms length because I don’t want to get hurt—shocker, no one wants to be hurt.  But as soon as I removed those barriers and let the other side in, it felt like something else opened up in me.  The truth is we never experience the same version of a person that others might so until we have the opportunity to form a decision on our own, we just need to take things at face value.  Without conversation and opening up, I would have missed an opportunity to form a connection with someone similar to me or to see facets of myself in this person.  Right now the world needs more bridges than anything and I am grateful to have thrown the first rope.

Today I am grateful for focus.  One of the side effects of that conversation mentioned above was the concept of focus.  Now, this is something I will repeat until I am blue in the face: we all need to remember that without focus we can’t make progress.  We will move, but it won’t be progressive.  During the course of the conversation, it truly helped to have someone understand exactly what I was talking about when it came to the desperation to make a move but that it was so desperate that I moved in multiple ways at once.  I created my own confusion out of that desperation, because when we are desperate there is no real path forward, it is only about movement.  The discussion I mentioned above brought a validation of sorts in that I wasn’t crazy for the initial feeling to get going but it was also validation of the support I needed and had expected from people I initially thought would be more supportive.  Not that I needed constant cheerleading, but some excitement and belief in what I was doing as is the normal course of friendship isn’t too much to ask.  And the truth is there is something to be said when there is an innate understanding from people and we don’t have to explain anything else.  That connection wouldn’t have happened without conversation.  It’s nice to not feel crazy—no one likes to feel crazy.  And all that takes is a little openness, honesty, and assurance that there are our people out there, we just need to take a chance sometimes.

Today I am grateful to put aside fear.  This is something I have fought for years, something I fight nearly every day.  The need for permission and to not anger people is so deeply engrained that I have made a mess of my life keeping all the balls in the air—many of them aren’t even mine.  I’m a fixer and a people pleaser so it is never too much for me to take on another task and that is something I need to stop especially when it is for the sake of someone else’s approval.  I eventually created such a mess of my life trying to clean up everyone else’s that I couldn’t see my own path.  That eventually became resentment and wasting my time telling other people how to live their lives so I wouldn’t have to clean up after them anymore that I just ran around the mountain instead of leaving things behind and walking up that mountain on my own.  Fear at its core is designed to keep us safe—but sometimes safety means inaction and waiting for the right moment and if we wait too long or spend too much time critical and directing others, we keep ourselves where we are.  So we need to put aside the fear of connection, the fear of failing, the fear of anything that keeps us where we are and simply take the first step.            

Today I am grateful to put aside fear and decide to focus—there is an overarching point to this.  I’ve realized that much of my fear about other people’s opinions, the perception of success, the idea of what I am supposed to do has prevented me from focusing at all.  I claim I want to do all of these creative pursuits and make my life look a certain way, and while I take the initial steps to do it, as soon as something from my old life calls, I am right back to it.  For example, at work there is one area that I really don’t enjoy engaging in and I have told myself repeatedly that I want to focus on a different area.  The problem is that the area I don’t enjoy unfortunately has a lot of visibility in the company so when my attention is needed there, even if I’m in the middle of doing something that I really want to for the space I love, I have to stop what I’m doing and work on the other area—and I do it with the intent of making sure people see I didn’t ignore/forget/delay anything for that high visibility area.  Here is a prime example in my personal life as well: I have a bunch of side projects in addition to a deal I’m working on for my writing, and I ended up bringing home work from my 9-5.  I had no real intention of doing anything with it, but I have it in case someone needs me to do something with it.  In the course of the conversation I am referencing, I was told that the only way to move forward is to focus and pick one thing so we are 100% all in.  And when we focus that is when we see movement in the direction we want.

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.