“If you feel like there’s something out there that you’re supposed to be doing, if you have a passion for it, then stop wishing and just do it,” Wanda Sykes.  It all comes down to action and I have a strong feeling this next week in particular is going to be filled with decisive action.  I vow that I will never spend another moment feeling as rattled by other people’s actions as I did this past week.  There were so many moments where things felt surreal, like what I was hearing couldn’t be real, that people didn’t actually behave this way, that it hit me like a flash that I won’t deal with this any longer.  We know the corporate world isn’t always the safest place, especially as you begin to climb.  The longer I’ve been part of this world, the more clarity I have that I don’t belong in this situation.  The corporate world operates under it’s own rules—it’s its own living entity and we protect it.  The second we don’t play by the rules we are told we are putting the organization at risk as if that’s more important than the people involved.  There is no flexibility there for humanity.  As more time went on, it became apparent that flexibility for the humanity of leadership was even less and that leadership was even more controlled and drowned out than those not in leadership.  That hasn’t sat well with me for a long time—so I convinced myself to treat this as an interim, a means to an end until I could be placed where I really wanted to be in an environment that interested, fulfilled, and supported me.

I’ve known for some time that I was heading in a different direction, particularly different from some of my leadership.  I’ve been aware of the potential consequences of that and I’ve moved forward anyway and had great results both confidence wise, and with my work.  As things in my personal life became more uncertain this year, I fell back into some old habits—because that is what humans do.  And then reality became more and more skewed with what we allowed people to get away with.  The most recent incident is something I didn’t have words for and the guidance and leadership I needed to navigate through it wasn’t present.  In fact, the leadership I received was how poorly I’ve handled this up until now and how this has been my fault.  I know it’s not entirely true, I’ve had to tread carefully for a while with a particularly sneaky individual but, yes, could I have been more direct and even escalated a few incidents, yes.  Did I? No—part of me was trying to be nice, part of me trying to avoid conflict, part of me just didn’t have the energy, and part of me didn’t want to stir unnecessary shit.  That in itself led me to the conclusion a long time ago that I didn’t want to deal with this crap any longer—couple that with other interests and sparks of creativity and I knew this wasn’t the side for me regardless.  I was already tired of dealing with the fires created by people who imagined clearance to be a different thing, and the interest in the work was long gone.  Then throw in insanity and it’s over.

The lesson is this: when we feel a pull toward something, don’t ignore it.  That pull, that draw, is the energy of what is meant to be for us calling to us, the vibration of what we love bringing us closer to our purpose.  But if we put that action on the sidelines and ignore the call of what we are meant to do, then we will perpetuate the cycle until the cycle is done with us rather than being in control and connection with our feelings and guiding our ship to where it’s meant to be.  So when something creates passion in us and we discover we have joy for certain things, don’t hesitate to follow it.  When we take the means to an end rather than following our own creative path, we are simply trying to get to the end.  What’s the point of that?  While life is short, there is a lot of life to live in those moments as long as we are following what is meant for us.  The part that’s short is the fact that we can’t waste time screwing around doing something that doesn’t bring us joy or serve a purpose—or that helps us serve our purpose.  Life won’t change if we don’t change and that requires action, focus, and honesty.  All we can do is be true to ourselves and listen and feel what truly makes sense to us, and the best thing we can do, is then follow that drive and work in alignment with that particular energy.  Don’t allow ourselves to be swayed by fear—step into reality and look at all sides of the situation: if it doesn’t fit, make arrangements to take the next steps to find something that does.  We get one shot this go around, don’t waste passion and energy doing anything less than what brings us absolute joy.