I had a moment watching Inside Out (the first one, I’d never seen it) where I was getting really angry with sadness.  Like I found myself yelling at the TV, “Don’t fucking touch the memories!!! How many times do you have to be told?!?!”  When I heard myself say that my first reaction was justification because people don’t listen—they always want to be right even if we know the consequences—more accurately, even if they know the consequences they still do it.  And then I realized that getting angry at an emotion (let’s not even analyze the fact this is a cartoon) says more about my inner demons than anything.  Perhaps I was really yelling at myself for all of the things I’ve done that I’ve known I shouldn’t do that led to my own misery.  How human is that?  We all do that, thinking we have it under control or that we will somehow be able to manage the situation.  The truth is I couldn’t finish watching the movie, not just because I got annoyed, but also because I really started feeling pain about this.  Like the pain we cause is caused by ourselves, we don’t have to put ourselves through that.

It made me question the nature of our brains and how we think things will actually take place.  Is the mind an accurate retainer for all that happens?  On some levels we already know the answer is no.  We are subject to our own biases and experiences—and those biases are often created by our experiences and environment.  I grew up relatively restrained—if I was told no, 9/10 I listened.  My parents didn’t want to bring me somewhere (like an after school activity or a friend’s house), I didn’t push it.  I think I didn’t even question it when I was younger because I understood (and still understand) that they were dealing with a lot and they were tired, and the things I wanted to do could often wait.  So I learned self-restraint and managing my wants early on.  It is a real struggle for me to see scenarios played out like in the movie—like there are real consequences to someone not being able to control themselves. 

What I’ve had to learn over time is that not all consequences are as bad as we think they are—or as bad as we are told they can be.  While some consequences mean that things will not turn out how we think they will, 8/10 it is not something catastrophic.  Not everyone has the same desire, drive, or motivation for things so their priorities and what is important to them isn’t the same as it is for us.  And we have no control over what other people do, so if something doesn’t go as planned as a result of someone else’s actions, we have to learn to mitigate and manage that layer of emotion.  We can be hurt by it but we can never expect people to do what we want them to do.  I was so angered by this character because all she had to do was listen—and the truth is much of life is like that—all we have to do is listen to understand what someone really needs, and often that is very little effort on our part.  We can save other people a lot of pain by simply hearing what they have to say and respecting their boundaries.  So there are two sides to this: we aren’t responsible for other people’s feelings  or particular outcomes in their lives, but we have the power to help by actually hearing people out and paying attention.  And it starts with listening to ourselves: we know what we need to do and what not to do—so just do the right thing. We all put ourselves through hell at times—the joy comes when we wake up and realize that we can stop at any time.  New choices are made, and we get new results.