Today I am grateful for being on the same page.  There is one thing to be said for understanding where someone is coming from but it is entirely another to know the thoughts, feelings, and understanding are synced.  I also love seeing that “click” moment when everything shifts into alignment and you’re no longer trying to prove a point, you both feel the EXACT same thing.  I’ve had moments of shared understanding with my husband before, but we recently had a moment where there was no doubt we knew we understood the shift happening in our group, the feelings we had with each other, and the dynamic change that could no longer be ignored.  It has been years, feeling like near decades, for us to agree on that level where we could talk about it calmly and not try to defend anything that happened, but just accept that things were not what we expected and that we both had certain feelings about how we had been treated.  They say that when people show you who they are, believe them, and we have been shown with 100% clarity where we stand with people.  Now, we’ve tried to look different ways before when something has happened with the group and we now know that it can’t happen that way anymore.  Certain things don’t fit and it’s no longer feasible to make them fit.  Round holes and square pegs don’t mix.  It is a relief to share that feeling without having to defend it.      

Today I am grateful for surrender.  I have always been grateful for my friendships, for being understood, for having people listen, for that actual connection when someone gets it.  I often tried to force that with people so I wouldn’t feel so lonely—one of those over-sharers where we think trauma bonding means we are actually bonded.  So what I’ve surrendered is the understanding that people are 100% on their own, we can’t make them feel/think/do anything (obvious, but stay with me).  The reason I wanted friendship to be so intimate and connected and so clearly between a set group of people is I wanted to be connected period.  I thought the deeper information someone had about me the deeper our connection would be.  I never considered that people behave differently with that level of information.  SO.  Let people be who they are because we shouldn’t have to examine the deepest wounds of ourselves with everyone just to be close to them.  And when you do share more personal or intimate details, people who care should be willing to listen and not judge and they should be gentle with the information, not ignorant to it.  If people show you they can’t be gentle, they can’t listen, they’d rather have a different priority, then let them.  We can’t force a relationship and we can’t alter someone else’s desire to have a relationship with someone else or to feel a certain way about us.  Let them be and the right people, people who care and actually connect will find their way into our lives.  We can’t force people to have or not have certain relationships—so let their true colors show and make choices from that.

Today I am grateful for family.  I came from a decent sized family but a very large extended family.  I was fortunate to know my Great-Grandmother, my Great Uncles, my Great Aunts, my Great-Great Aunt, and multiple layers of cousins.  The family was so big we used to have to rent out a hall just to get together for the holidays or birthday celebrations.  There’s a big age difference between the whole group, so by the time I came along the frequency of those events was diminished but I still cherished any time we got together.  The family is significantly smaller now as we are all aging.  There have been some rifts in the group, some health issues that have prevented us from gathering often, and naturally with time we have started losing members of our family.  Seeing the diminishing numbers of our group is sobering and sad but it has made me solidify what I have with the remaining members.  My father has lost two of his siblings and my mom still has all of hers but my mother’s family has been separated by distance for a long time.  My uncle came in for the weekend and I haven’t seen him in nearly 3 decades and it was a fantastic reunion.  It’s something I crave and wish I could do more often.  And it’s a reminder to appreciate those we still have while they are here.  We can’t change the fact that we will eventually lose each other so we need to make sure that we are spending our time with those we love accordingly.  Appreciate the time we have and the company we keep.    

Today I am grateful for fun.  I share this one every now and then and I love to share it because I think we take life too seriously as a general rule these days so we need to remember to have fun.  We also need to remember that there are multiple ways to have fun and sometimes we need to think outside the box to find ways to enjoy time together.  We attended a birthday party yesterday at a roller rink.  Neither my husband nor myself have been to a roller rink the entire time we have been together so it’s been well over 20 years since we’ve even attempted to skate.  We had the time of our lives laughing as we tried to find our footing and our groove again, enjoying the feeling of being back on wheels, of teaching our son how to skate.  Full transparency some jealousy as some people are so freakin’ smooth on those wheels, but it was something that showed us a new way to have fun and that we can totally do something physical together as a family and enjoy it—and that we need to get out of our heads every now and then to just enjoy the moment.  Feel alive doing something we normally don’t do and change things up.  There’s a lot we can do together and many ways we can find shared interests—we just have to take the time to do it and be willing to have fun.      

Today I am grateful for the understanding I have developed/gained this past week.  It seems the lessons of the universe are true and they all kind of come in at once.  This past week has been eye-opening on so many levels.  1. We can’t change people or make them feel a certain way about anything or any one of us. 2. When people show you who they are believe them—as painful as it is, accept it and let them be who they are because we can’t make our happiness contingent on how people treat us. 3. When we stop asking permission life gets a lot easier.  It can be scary at first, but it gets a lot easier with practice and we see the results faster.  I wasted too much time asking permission and it pisses me off, but now I know that it’s something I don’t have to do again.  4. Never stop having fun. 5. People who appreciate you genuinely show it, they don’t make the relationship conditional. 6. There is no reason to not be honest about everything.  It makes life so much easier in the end.  I’m not saying be a complete jerk and blunt about everything, but I am saying we need to make sure we aren’t sugar coating the truth either.  7. Being honest includes saying what we want with clarity and confidence and not being ashamed.  Sometimes people are legitimately waiting to hear, the universe needs to hear, what we need.  We get one go-round in this life and it is pointless to waste time doing things that make us miserable hoping it gets us some kind of reward.  Do what we love and become the person who spreads that love by overflowing our cups. 8. Appreciate the time we have with people we love and doing things we love—there is no nobility in wasting time doing what we feel obligated to do and then resenting people or the universe for missed opportunity.  Do what we love, be honest about it, appreciate it. 

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.