I have a toxic trait of seeing the best in people and believing they are already that way.  I don’t understand how they don’t see the need to operate at their best already and I believe they already see their best and want to be that.  I also tend to think they ARE their best already and if they aren’t at full function, they just need to let that out.  What I had to learn is that just because I see that capability, that doesn’t mean they ARE that.  It also doesn’t mean that because I see a specific potential and see them in their highest light that they want to be that.  No one will ever be what you see in them unless they feel that they are that version themselves.  People have infinite potential but they only live up to how they feel and view themselves.  That’s the real reason why energy, frequency, and vibration are so important.  We can never be more than what we feel about ourselves.  We can never accomplish more in our lives than what we believe, see, think, feel, or conceptualize as our reality.  Also, their definition of their best and highest potential may be different than mine.  They may not understand the possibilities I see for them or be aware of possibilities that exist.

Seeing the good in people who rarely display it themselves isn’t necessarily a bad thing because it shows confidence in their abilities, confidence in humanity that there are infinite possibilities for people. It can even give those people who aren’t so sure of themselves the boost they need to go for their best, to raise the bar.  It becomes toxic when that vision becomes expectation on the other person’s part (my part).  People don’t have to live up to our expectations even if they are the best intentioned expectations.  It can also be toxic for the person with expectations because it’s easy to become a martyr when making the choice to stick around with someone who consistently uses the hope of the best to bail out of responsibility for making poor decisions consciously.  It isn’t right to hold someone up to our expectations just as it isn’t right to take advantage of someone’s belief and drag them along. 

For years I thought seeing the best in people and holding them to a higher standard was a good thing.  I thought it meant I was showing them I believed in them, that I trusted we could accomplish whatever goal we set together—and more importantly that I believed they could accomplish any goal they set for themselves.  Truly that was my intent—I wanted to show them I knew they could do anything they wanted to.  Instead it came across as being haughty and judgmental.  And what I’m realizing now is that I can hold myself to those standards, I can have that belief in myself, and for those who don’t want to operate at that level, I can let them go.  For those that don’t have the same goals or outlook on possibility, they will live up to their own goals and values.  Sometimes people don’t need a martyr, they just need someone to see them for who they are and that is enough to unlock their potential.  Others will never live up to what they can be but in either scenario, it isn’t up to me or anyone else what that level is supposed to be.  Sometimes people are only there to fill the potential of the relationship in that moment and we are meant to move on.  We all change and evolve but we can’t make people change how we want them to, no matter how positive it may be.