“I realized that I hadn’t found my PCP but I had found my primary care server.  Sometimes the best caregivers aren’t the people with the fancy titles, they’re just the people who care. Who even on the worst day can make you feel seen and heard.  Sometimes a cold drink and a less tippy glass are just what the doctor ordered,” Zach Anner.  Help doesn’t always come from who we expect it to.  Help doesn’t always look like we think it will.  Anner shared the story of going to his physician asking for a particular thing he needed and the physician not only dismissed his need but degraded him.  Anner was discouraged but took it in stride, in humor.  He then shared how going to his favorite restaurant gave him the realization that help comes in unexpected forms from unexpected people.  One thing we can all connect on is that we’ve all felt alone at some point.  We’ve all felt discouraged and misunderstood and isolated.  And for all of our sake’s, I’m hoping we’ve had the alternate experience where we found someone who made us feel heard in the most unexpected way.

These days it seems ever more evident that we aren’t able to rely on the systems we used to, or the people.  The effort we put in doesn’t yield the same results anymore so everyone is questioning what to do and what everything means.  They are asking what’s worth it. But what they are also realizing is that our worth isn’t determined by our effort, it’s determined by our existence and our character, and it’s our responsibility to reshape these broken systems, those filled with people who are supposed to help us and no longer do, the systems meant to support us that now drain us.  It’s up to us to become the primary care for each other and work together to make things right again.  We’ve operated under the premise that a system will save us and function the same for all, that a prescribed method of living in order to be successful/fulfilled will function the same for all of us.  Sometimes all that’s required is to listen to one another.  We each carry wisdom that benefits all of us, and we only discover it when we open up to each other—not necessarily when we seek it out. Sometimes the very thing we avoid gives us what we need.   

It’s been a theme of my life over the last two weeks that we don’t always get what we want but we certainly get what we need.  I’ve been waiting all this year for resolution on certain foundational items in my life: will my relationship sink or swim, will I get the job that could elevate my family without much strain, will this illness around me abate and will they all survive, will I figure out how to follow through on what I need to?  With all of those things up in the air, I felt much like Anner described where straightforward questions/needs were posed and I had to fight to get even the most basic of answers.  And I faced loss repeatedly.  The job didn’t pan out, I lost my cat, I nearly lost my father, I lost my Aunt entirely unexpectedly.  But I’ve gained the opportunity to do something I really enjoy, I’ve gained a creative opportunity, we took in two other animals that needed help, my father understands the importance of relationships differently, and my husband is pulling himself together.  So, I never needed the system or the idea of the perfect life I had in mind.  I just needed to let life flow.  There are bumps no matter what we do and we can only go with it.  No matter what we keep going—and if we pay attention, we will see that exactly what we need has fallen right into our laps.