Today I am grateful for every step toward clarity.  This is establishing my freedom because it’s allowing for a definitive direction.  I recently realized that the things I thought were working for me really weren’t.  Shocker.  But what I mean by this is little things like the way my office was set up.  The things I was saving in random piles under the pretense of eventually doing something with them or simply the fact that I couldn’t part with them.  The feeling of trying to hold on to so many things.  I started with what I thought were small changes like rearranging the office and cleaning stuff out and suddenly things felt better.  Space opened up differently.  It didn’t feel so cluttered and crowded and once I started I couldn’t stop.  As the space cleared and I organized and tackled things I was too afraid to address, I noticed I could think.  It wasn’t easy but I started to let go of even more things that I had been holding onto—and I admitted how much stuff we still have.  I started to see possibilities again.  Instead of finding ways to make things fit, I started finding ways to let go.  We can’t move forward if we are holding onto everything else.  It’s too heavy.  Moving through the process of letting go of the last round of 20 years of stuff allows the next 20 years to flow in because I can see what I want versus what I thought I had to hold onto. 

Today I am grateful for intuition.  I can’t talk about clarity, the ability to think, and purpose without intuition.  Throughout this entire week I’ve been getting multiple signs telling me that my intuition is sharpening and that I need to follow my intuition.  It’s 100% true.  As I worked through the steps above and started to feel heightened clarity I noticed that I felt more like me.  It wasn’t just about seeing possibilities and options, I was now feeling like I had power in my life again.  When we know what we want and set the wheels in motion there is no stopping us from getting there—we just need to start.  The heart, mind, and soul know what we need.  We just need to feel our way through it to get to it.  I held onto so much stuff from the past as a crutch all the while I was telling myself that I needed it for in case, for if I ever had to prove anything, so I could always remember.  I’m a record keeper.  But having all of that information blocked the way to what was really important: who I actually am.  We can handle so much more than we think if we stop picking up what isn’t ours or what we really don’t want in the first place.    

Today I am grateful for creativity.  We are looking at alternative ways of living our lives and feeling that connection toward intuition and power, I started to feel something new for the first time in a long time: the feeling that I could do it and knew what I wanted.  I felt the drive to work my ass off for a specific thing.  It felt like pieces of the puzzle were snapping into place—the picture I’ve been trying to build was totally in focus.  I’ve pursued many ventures in my life, spent a lot of time/energy/money trying to get things in place, things I genuinely thought I wanted.  There are moments I wonder if I’d had more support how those things would have turned out—but in the process of connecting with self, I’m seeing that isn’t anything to lament or be upset about.  I needed to go through those things to discover that there are ways to put things together that no everyone sees.  We have a vision that works off of our intuition and if we are connected to it enough, that intuition will tell us how to put that vision to work.  There are so many possibilities in this world.  All we need to do is learn how to work with them and how to understand what is for us.  Creativity is meant to do that: create alternatives, create ideas, make the intangible tangible.  We aren’t meant to just use that creativity to day dream.  We are meant to put that to action.  If we think it, it’s for a reason.  If we feel it, it’s meant to be no matter what other people think is possible.  Create with that power, fuel it.  Say yes and watch it all nfold. 

Today I am grateful for seeing patterns.  Clearly I’m on a theme here, but as I was cleaning this go around, I came across some decades old writings and my heart sank.  I’ve been very candid about sharing my repetitive thoughts and feelings and fears here, but this was something different.  Around 18 months ago I went through a large purge in the house and I was so proud of myself.  Earlier this year I took some of the remnants from that purge and got rid of more and then organized the rest.  Each time I went through layers of crap I felt more and more power, more and more clear.  I had the sense of “This is it! I finally see the way!”  And then I found this writing.  It said EXACTLY the same thing I’ve been talking about for years.  I found the SAME goals I have written in the recent years.  And it nearly broke my heart.  I realized that I’ve, yet again, been running circles.  I had this moment of intense sadness that 1. I haven’t accomplished what I set out to yet and 2. All of the effort and progress I thought I made were still keeping me rooted right here.  This is where it’s different this time (because this is not the first time I’ve had this “revelation”: I stopped myself from getting attached to the emotion of it.  I accepted that it happened and that it’s time to cut it out.  The surge of energy and power I felt from connecting with creativity, intuition, and clarity pushed me past getting stuck in feeling bad about the patterns. I no longer have to stay that way.

Today I am grateful for next steps.  I’ve read/heard/written that people often overestimate what they can do in a day but underestimate what they can do in a week—feel free to substitute any length of time you want in there.  The neurodivergent mind operates differently in several ways the least of which is we see all things, all options, at once and we will try our damndest to do all the things at once.  When it doesn’t work out we tend to get frustrated and/or bored so we walk away and won’t touch it again because we’re moving onto the next thing—until we realized we didn’t finish it and we hyper-focus on it again.  So much of what I’ve missed out on, what I haven’t completed, what I lost touch with was because I got bored or angry that things didn’t work out right away.  My brain saw how it “should” work and when it didn’t it couldn’t cope, the world ended because it was never meant to be, and I went onto something else until that wasn’t meant to be either.  I’m older now and I have a son who deals with the same type of brain function so it’s crystal clear to me that I didn’t give certain things enough time, I didn’t give enough focus to it, I didn’t try enough ways.  And if I’m totally honest I hadn’t been close enough to my intuition to determine if I really wanted it so it was more about proving I could do it rather than wanting it.  Breaking the pattern means giving myself the time to connect and evaluate what I need/want.  I know I can take the next steps and it will be aligned because I’ve taken the time to get out of my own way.  The next steps are steps toward success.    

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.