“Sometimes what you’re trying to hold onto is exactly what you need to let go of,” Ironwill Project.  There are things in life we love, sometimes more than ourselves.  We think nothing is wrong with that, because how can love be wrong?  Those things/people infiltrate us and become a part of who we are—and this is where it gets tricky.  Sometimes we forget that those things we have integrated into who we are, are not ours and that the things that we are trying to make others integrate aren’t theirs either.  Trying to force each other to hold on to things that don’t belong is like trying to hold smoke together.  It’s futile and as helpless as watching sand flow through our hands.  We can’t build a foundation on what will not stay together, on what can’t support the weight of the structure we are building.  In order to find what is strong enough, we have to let go of the ideas, beliefs, thoughts, things that we think we need.  The thing we are trying to protect may not belong with us in the next phase.

As humans we like the idea of permanence and solidity—we like to know what comes next.  This, too, is another primal instinct because we need to know if danger lurks around the corner.  I think we are kind of funny as a species because as we have evolved and found more and more ways to be safe, we seek ways to make ourselves afraid—thrill rides, jumping from planes (or anything else), watching scary movies, doing things that can harm our bodies (smoking and other bad habits, etc.).  So for a species that needs continuity and security, we do a lot to find ways to NOT feel safe.  We allow ourselves to interpret things in a way so our emotions are front and center.  There was a time when there was literally no time for emotion because we had to survive.  I will admit that when I’ve been in crisis, I have appreciated the clarity that comes with it.  All the other bullshit I’ve held onto, the drama, the fear, the anxiety all seems to slip away and the immediate scenario and what steps to take become crystal clear.  That isn’t to say I want to live in crisis—not by a long shot—but I don’t need to seek things that hurt me in order to appreciate my security.  All of this is to say that we hold onto things that don’t necessarily serve us and we need to alter our perspective—we need to understand that life isn’t permanent, the choices we make are meant to evolve, yes, even the good ones.

When we allow ourselves to be stuck in the pattern of keeping things as they are, it’s like trying to pause time—and we all know that doesn’t work.  We all have our reasons for holding onto things whether it’s security in knowing the familiar or even fear of what happens when we let go.  But we are all meant to come to the conclusion that holding onto things isn’t necessarily effective or what we should seek to do.  I prided myself on maintaining tradition for a long time—I liked that it made my parents feel good, that they were nostalgic for how it was and they found comfort in it.  I’d feel stuck in the middle because I know my siblings didn’t always enjoy that, but the truth is, I also found comfort in keeping things how they used to be.  I did that with my job, with my family, with my husband—and suddenly realized that when we hold onto how things were we aren’t allowing for things to grow.  It doesn’t take long for what gave us comfort to become the thing that stifles us.  Release becomes easier the more we know ourselves because we understand where we are at now, where we move forward rather than trying to hold onto how things were.  It doesn’t matter if it’s a thing, a habit, a place, or even a person, we understand that it doesn’t fit with where we are any longer.  We know we need to let go—and we can do that with gratitude for what it was, and gratitude that we get to move forward with something new that will support us on our next step and be an even better fit.  We let go of the smoke, and we relax into who we are in this moment.