“Perhaps this next stage has more to do with who and what you’re choosing to grow with rather than who and what you’re letting go of,” via WildWomanRising.  When we focus on what we are losing, all we see is the absence of what was there.  This is what it means when it’s said we have to choose our thoughts, our focus carefully because we attract what we think of.  While the pain may be real, if all we can see is what ISN’T there, then we don’t see what IS there.  There is no room for something else to enter when we are holding the absence at attention.  The weight of looking at what’s coming when you can’t see it definitely challenges the psyche.  When we lose something, we are keenly aware of something that existed and is no longer there.  It’s harder to imagine something that never existed.  I’m learning that it isn’t necessarily about seeing something specific entering in place of a loss, it’s about creating the space for something new and letting the universe fill it in how it intended. 

Growth doesn’t always happen with a specific intention—sometimes all growing means is exposing more to the light and allowing whatever IS, to be.  While we have no control over the outcome, we can set the stage, the conditions, and focus on what we want to grow.  We can put that energy toward what we want rather than what we don’t want or what we don’t have.  It changes the direction we go.  It’s the difference between heading toward the light and fixating on the dark.  This is the realm of navigating by feeling, learning about honoring who we are, and following intuition.  Keeping hope, especially in the middle of loss, is a great challenge because we are naturally emotionally attached to what it is we are losing.  We do have the power to choose to feel appreciation for the fact that we had whatever it was we lost, and we can acknowledge that we aren’t able to change that it’s gone.  From there we can choose what we want to bring in/attract in its place.

None of this means that we didn’t have love and appreciation for what was there.  It doesn’t mean that we didn’t learn lessons from it.  It doesn’t mean that we aren’t sad that it’s gone.  It just means that we have to learn to do things differently without it.  The pain is real, but it’s an opportunity to see what really matters and start to simplify all of the other nonsense in our lives.  Let go of what isn’t important, realize what we need, focus on that.  Even the things we love can be a distraction if we covet it.  We are meant to operate freely.  Siddhartha talks about the raft—and I know I’ve shared this in my work before. Even if we spend time building it, even if it helped us along the way, we have to let it go when it has served it’s purpose, otherwise we are carrying a burden that holds us back rather than something that helps us move forward.  Show gratitude and lovingly allow ourselves to move on.  I’d be lying if I said it got easier—the hurt is the same whether it’s the first or the hundredth time experiencing that loss.  But it gets easier to understand.  Love, and allow the light to enter the space created in the absence of what once was.  Light fosters new growth, and soon, while there is no replacement, new life forms.  We find home in our hearts as we carry that love with us, we appreciate the life we had, and we see it’s all in us no matter if it’s here physically or not.  It can never really leave us.