“You lack nothing.  You have everything.  You are the reason someone smiles.  You are a role model for people you’ve never met.  You are a masterpiece,” Richard Miller.  Not much else needs to be said about this one.  I think we are going to keep it short and sweet today so here is what I want to hit home: If we understand what we spoke about yesterday in regards to the power we have to shift reality, then we must remember at the most fundamental level that we were born entirely whole.  Nothing to prove.  No one else to be other than who we are.  We are magic and just because someone can’t see that doesn’t change that fact.  We aren’t missing anything—we were lied to.  We were told that we had to be a certain way and do certain things to earn that worth.  That we needed to fill the space we were given even if it was too big, or worse, that we needed to cut parts of ourselves away if it was too small.  We were never taught that was a lie, that there is no space to fill other than the space we occupy.  See we were mistaken in thinking that we were meant to control and manipulate others, that this world was about power over others.  That we demonstrated that by acquiring things and having control over some made-up dominion.  Friends this life is temporary and we will all lose everything including the most precious things we have: our very life. 

During our time here we are meant to do nothing more than live to the fullest capacity of who we are.  Don’t get caught up in the should of what someone else tells us.  Don’t let someone else convince us what our dreams are.  Don’t let someone diminish the magic of who we are because they can’t see it themselves.  Don’t take on the burden that other people want us to carry because they bought into the same lies when they were kids and now they don’t know what to do with themselves.  Our existence is absolutely miraculous—we are a living, breathing, walking, talking, biological computer capable of reasoning, logic, and communication.  Our hearts beat on their own, our lungs take in air without prompting, our brains generate images and create stories and take thoughts and make them real.  What the hell else do we really need to prove that we are meant to be here?  What else do we need to prove that we are enough and capable of whatever we want to do?  We have these desires and thoughts and dreams and inspirations for a reason.  The fact they are there, the fact that we are breathing, the fact that we sustain and create life, and the fact that we can create things just for fun is enough.  We have all we need ready-made in this package we come to this planet in.  Don’t settle for the fears someone else gives us.  Don’t settle for serious in terms of goals.  Get serious about love.  About hope. About joy.  About peace. About creativity.  About cooperation.  About fulfillment.  About purpose.  About drive.  Those are the pieces that make us whole.  We already have everything we need.  How beautiful is that?  Don’t ever let anyone convince us otherwise.   

“Your presence shifts reality just by showing up,” Richard Miller.  Our energy constantly interacts and impacts the physical plane.  We are part of this existence and our being generates a pulse, a charge, a vibration that is tangible and very real to the Earth and the entire universe.  We are all part of the universal rhythm.  So how can we not impact where we are simply by being there?  Our energy emits no matter what we do.  So why not choose to manage the energy we give out?  Our hearts have their own rhythm that runs free of our thoughts.  Our brains generate electro-magnetic waves.  Each of those things are no more than a different vibration and vibration is a physical force that can change when impacted upon by an outside force—in this case we are talking about managing our own thoughts.  If we want to change the course of anything, we must change the course in ourselves first.  Managing our energy is key—and that starts with managing our thoughts and emotions.  It means understanding the power of our being and the very real premise that we have control over what we emit—and by controlling what we give out we have a modicum of control over what we receive.  We are both an emitter and a receiver.  Our job is to tune both correctly. 

Stick with me on this next example: As children we learned to play games and these games taught us the real ways of the world in subtle undertones.  My son is learning about Pokemon and I see the moves, the discussion of energy, the connection with these creatures, the reverence for life and the powers that we have and this is a very real application to life in general.  We forget these basic things as we age because we are taught to stop playing games and get serious.  The problem with serious is that man created it.  Man decided that we need to be a certain way at a certain time and produce certain things/goals.  None of that is to suggest I think we should live aimlessly without goals.  What I’m saying is that we all have our own vibration/frequency and that we aren’t all meant to have the same goals.  We should take play seriously to learn about our goals, to learn collaboration and cooperation and new ways to adapt and achieve goals that benefit others.  We aren’t meant to all operate on the same vibration/frequency.  The world needs harmony.  That’s why we each have our own rhythm: to complement the entire song of the universe.

At this time we are living amongst so much distraction that it can be hard to hear our own thoughts let alone remember how to manage them.  It can be difficult to remember our own power because we are often told how powerless we are.  We are told to give in and sacrifice our goals, our dreams, our plans for the sake of others rather than learn how to refine those things for the benefit of others.  How can it be good for the people, for the universe to give up our talents rather than share them?  Why would we sacrifice what we can do in favor of what people tell us to do?  No man knows the greater good or the overall goal/scheme of this universe.  We are all human.  No one can tell us who we are or what our gifts are: those gifts are meant to be actively received by us and used to the fullest of our abilities.  Why else would we have them?  They weren’t meant to sit in a box and looked at while we struggle to become something else.  So this is a reminder that we are enough as we are.  That we are meant to be who we are at all times and honor the greatest version of ourselves.  We have the power to shift reality—and we are meant to do just that.

“Your true self is going to shock you because it’s far more powerful and beautiful than you ever imagined,” Richard Miller.  I’ve been experiencing a lot of fear reactions lately.  Much of it is because I’ve been in limbo too long.  I’ve made my future contingent on someone else’s decisions—things my husband wants, what my child needs, whether or not I get this role at work.  I’m waiting to show who I am and what I am capable of based on where I am accepted.  I’m determining my life based on someone’s decision if I am worthy of moving forward.  I have a lot of interest in multiple things and they are all good things.  But my attention is divided and I haven’t spent as much time developing myself as I should.  I’ve been focusing a bit here and there on different avenues and things that pique my interest, but I haven’t declared what it is I want.  Just when I think I have, I notice that my energies are still scattered.  As we get closer to a decision, I am aware of the feelings I have around it—I have reasons for wanting this and not wanting this new opportunity—and I am fortunate enough to have other opportunities as well.  But if I’m being fully honest, I know I’m afraid of making a decision because it’s riskier.  I’m afraid that if I make the decisions then they won’t happen anyway so it’s best to allow myself to be rejected rather than fight for something I’m only luke-warm about.

With all of that being said, I am very well aware that taking the time to find my true self, to find my own identity (much as I’ve been describing for years) that another person’s decision won’t matter. I see my former employee and the clarity she has in making choices and following through and I admire that so much.  But I still have that fear in me that if I declare I want something that I won’t get it.  I’ve been treating the universe like it can “grant” every other person’s wish but that my real desires will always be tested and that the opportunities I seek won’t happen.  Admittedly I’m stubborn and there are things I have refused to do that would probably have gotten me closer to my goals faster, but I also think that’s fear of not getting what I really want.  I felt like if I didn’t control every action and that if things didn’t go according to my plan then it wasn’t meant to be and it wouldn’t work out. 

Being our true selves is about ease.  It’s about honor. It’s about connection.  It’s about peace.  It’s about joy.  We will never have to fight to be our “True” selves—we simply are.  Taking the time to slow down and connect and really understand what it is we are feeling and when we need to guide those feelings, mastering our minds and emotions is key.  We will never have to fight to be who we are—that should be one of the most natural things in the entire world.  We have to stop accepting who the world tells us to be and simply be who we are born to be.  The close we are to that version of ourselves, the less we worry about tailoring and controlling anything about how people look at us.  As soon as we honor the fullness of who we are, we see the full spectrum of our color and embrace all of our power—and power isn’t dominance, it is ownership of our actions based on who we are.  So when we know our true selves, we see the world in its entirety and suddenly it’s very clear what we are meant to do.  We see all the good our personal power can bring upon the world.  We see all the space there is for people to step up and lead their lives so they can help others lead their lives as well.  We are powerful beyond measure, we just have to tap into that, we have to accept that, we need to honor that, we need to be that.  Allow the full spectrum of who we are delight us.  Experience the raw power of our beauty.  Live how we are meant to live and be amazed.

“I think people are afraid to witness other people being happily themselves because they don’t know who they (themselves) are,” Richard Miller.  Humans operate in fear a lot so when we see something we don’t know or understand, the brain takes over and tries to make as much sense out of what we see as possible—and we can only make sense of things based on our experiences and context.  So the less we understand something, the more we develop emotions around it as a protective mechanism.  Fear makes us label things we may not understand in a way that, again, is based on our context and not necessarily on the truth.  When we see people succeeding in a way contrary or “other” than what we’ve accepted as what needs to be done, we feel resentment.  Al of this is based on comparison and what we can see in other people’s lives.  We are creatures who need to protect our egos so if we see someone doing better than what we are (or what we perceive as better than what we are doing) then we have a tendency to compare and feel weak and even angry.  It’s hard to see someone with what we want. 

Instead of looking at the situation as “they have what we want,” we need to look at the situation and appreciate that we are in proximity to someone who has what we want which means we are able to attract that as well.  That means we are emitting something along the same wavelength.  It isn’t about competition anymore—that’s reptilian brain operating, fighting for survival of the ego—and we are survival based creatures which means we are prone to comparing ourselves to others so we are aware of any potential threats.  The reptilian brain can’t tell the difference between ego and actual threats so it struggles to let go of the drive to prove and win.  Winning meant survival at one point (you either kill the mammoth or are killed by it) and we’ve carried that competition over into other realms.  Sometimes we compete for things we don’t even want just for the sake of winning.  So if we see people doing well but not “better” than us, it’s ok.  But this behavior is a limiter because we never see the expansive side of being around people who may have achieved more than we have.

There really is the point when we have to shift that focus inward and start asking what will make us feel successful, what makes us feel whole, what makes us feel present?  It even starts with something as simple as, “Why does this person’s success bother me?”.  It takes a lot of effort to honestly understand that these behaviors hold us back and to determine what it is that we really want.  It takes an even longer time to stop looking on the outside, to stop that comparing, to stop the fear that other people being themselves somehow impedes us from doing the same.  There are plenty of opportunities in this world to create the vision we see—we are meant to take our gifts and create those visions.  We don’t all have to have the same vision.  We don’t all have to go for the same dream.  We aren’t all meant to operate the same way.  If we learn to be happy for those who are happy being themselves, we are on the right track to finding that happiness ourselves.  Find who we are, focus on the freedom of our own mind, thoughts, dreams, and ambitions, and that energy will develop into something far greater than being jealous and limiting other people’s actions.  We find the joy in creating peacefully, and creating peace within.  What we witnessed in others we now embody ourselves, and we become an example for others as well.  Focus on our own desires and dreams and the rest of the world’s opinions don’t matter and we can happily be ourselves.          

Today I am grateful for spirituality.  I have been through the wringer over the last several months (some of it self-inflicted, some of it a result of outside circumstances that didn’t go as planned…or even as I was blatantly told it would).  So during this time I have learned to direct myself toward a different type of self-development and growth.  I’ve learned to look at my relationship with trust and I have been working on cultivating a deeper understanding of my resonance with the world, of my responsibility to create what I want and what I feel called to do.  It’s a truly difficult thing to accept that we have created everything around us but it’s true.  The good and the bad are all a result of what we have done and even the definition of good and bad are our own decisions.  It was intimidating for me to take on that kind of burden because I’ve spent years cleaning up after others.  Now I see it was the easiest thing to fix.  All I had to do was breathe and look at how I wanted to see the world and how I defined things around me.  I couldn’t have done that without a connection to the universe, the Earth, my heart, my soul, and the environment around me.  Doing so makes the reality of where we are and how we get where we want to be crystal clear.  I am grateful.

Today I am grateful for stepping up.  There are times in our lives when we realize the roles have changed.  One day we are a child and we run to our parents for everything and we are taken care of or we learn to be a bit more independent. Suddenly we are the ones who have to step in and offer them care.  Suddenly we are the parents and we are between our children and our own parents.  My dad has been dealing with some health issues lately and I was recently at a doctor’s visit with him so I could keep as informed as possible with what’s going on and what to expect.  He had a medical emergency while we were in the office and I didn’t hesitate for a second.  I stepped up and help administer support until the ambulance arrived.  So often we are afraid that we won’t know what to do when the time comes but it is the most natural thing in the moment.  There truly is no fear—just clarity.  There aren’t any questions, it’s just action.  It was flattering to hear the APN talk about how I should have gotten into medicine (I’ve been in the medical field for 20 years, just not clinical) but I know that was never my specific calling.  I’m good at it because I don’t want to see people get hurt.  But what I love doing is help people take care of themselves as well.  I struggle with fear and anxiety every day over the tiniest of things—but I am grateful in a true crisis there is no question of what I need to do.  I am grateful I can trust myself.  If I can do it in those situations, I can learn to apply it to all areas of my life.

Today I am grateful for knowing what to do.  The actions I took in the doctor’s office really got me thinking about knowing what to do in general. In my usual ADD way, I have taken on so many projects because I was still waiting for that lightening moment when I would know what to do next, where everything would become so clear that all the extraneous crap would fall away and I’d be living my dream.  Instead I’ve created a mountain for myself under the guise of not knowing what to do next.  I tell myself that I don’t understand what I have to do to make the things I want to do thrive.  The truth is I DO know what to do.  I just haven’t let myself believe that I know the right thing or that I am capable of doing it.  The truth is I know exactly what I am called to do and how to make it happen.  I’ve started and stopped a million times on a million projects and said something was in my way each time.  It was me.  Now I work on changing my vocabulary and my belief that I am able to succeed in whatever I decide on and that deciding on one thing now doesn’t mean I’ve cut off opportunities for other things in the future.  I do know what to do.  I simply have to do it and commit to it. 

Today I am grateful for releasing fears.  It’s always the way of it that when we are committed to letting go of the things that hold us back, the fears in particular, that the universe likes to expose us to that fear in the realest of ways.  My husband spending money.  My father having the emergency while in the office.  My cat being sick.  Bills coming due.  Markets coming up.  A lot of research to do and a lot of steps to take.  No answer on a job (still).  Having to make a decision to move forward and being uncertain about how (or what) choice to make.  We face all of these things because we tell the universe that we are ready to move to the next level.  But we can’t get past where we are at if we don’t let it go.  We need to let it all go.  The things we believed when we first started.  We are not that person anymore.  Those beliefs belonged to someone else entirely.  And if we are going to be a new version of ourselves, why would we carry the fears that belonged to someone else?  How did they serve us?  So.  While I am dealing with very real fears, I know that my previous reactions haven’t done a damn thing to fix them.  I know that I need to face them so I am able to become this next version of me.  And putting those bags down does feel good.  No matter what choice I am about to make, I know the first thing I have to do is let go of all of this.  Once those are down, I know that the rest will be clear and even if I can’t continue with all the things I am doing right now, I know what I am meant to do will take precedence.  Let go of the fear and let the answers become clear.

Today I am grateful for friendship.  I started a mom’s group several months back and I wanted it to be an all inclusive thing for all of the important women and mothers in my life.  Somewhere we could all connect and understand that we are all fighting the same things and we are all dealing with the same concerns.  We have the same challenges and the same successes and the things that make us unique only help us in the long run.  The group was a moderate success in that people really enjoyed themselves, but I noticed that there were simply some personalities that didn’t work well together.  I took the time to start working one on one with some of the women and then it became a group of 3 of us.  Within that group we have found a really nice dynamic and it is so nice to feel genuine support.  No competition, no fear of loss.  Just support and understanding and literally hearing and witnessing that we are going through the same things.  I couldn’t have moved forward in some regards without them.  Some of my closest friends have recently informed me of some things that make our relationship near non-viable and without this other group of women I would not have gotten through.  I am grateful to see how we can rally each other and to feel that we got this.  Because we do.  Imperfect and faltering, but we got this—because we have each other. 

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead

“All worries and conceptions from others are bullshit and that’s what holds use back,” Richard Miller.  We’ve spoken often about not worrying about what others think of us and how to work on being completely ourselves—and that who we are is enough.  But what of the anxiety behind it?  I’m not sure I realized it was an anxiety about what others thought.  I thought it was just anxiety about what would happen.  The more we try to elicit a reaction out of someone the more we are tied to that person.  The more we allow that person to determine what we do with our lives.  I’ve really taken a look at that over the last few days because I saw how much I let this impact me.  My husband and I were are a graduation party over the last weekend and I really struggled.  I felt so awkward, lost, just not myself. It has been a long time since I’ve been with a large group of people.  I’ve been working on healing a lot of things since the fight with my husband several months ago and I was simply not ready to deal with the outside.  So at this party I found myself overwhelmed because there were people there that were partially the cause of my mini-break down.  I understood in an instant that I had been basing my decisions on how they would react, what they would think of me.  I wasn’t doing the things I wanted to do in spite of being in the situation.

Let me clarify.  So I honestly wasn’t feeling well (digestion) and I was uncomfortable because these people have continually excluded me while accepting my husband and my husband has consistently chosen to be with them.  I admire my husband because I see how giving he is of himself and how generous he can be with people.  I see how easily he communicates and relates and simply is himself.  I don’t begrudge him friends, I begrudge the consistent choosing of friends over the needs of his family.  Regardless, I found myself really uncomfortable because I physically wasn’t feeling well and there were people there who had treated me like crap and I haven’t spoken to them in some time.  I felt like I was expected to put all that aside.  And truthfully that party wouldn’t have been the place to address any of it anyway so I had no plans to address it there.  But as I watched the evening unfold, as drinks were flowing (something I no longer partake in) I noticed that I really wasn’t enjoying it anymore.  It wasn’t fun to watch them devolve and laugh and not be able to function under the guise of “letting go.”  I don’t feel like I was judging them because it was a legitimate observation, but my reaction to it was different.  It hit me that if I didn’t even like the activities, then why was I trying to relate to them?  Why was I ever worried about what they thought of me, thought of my need to heal, my need for respect if they don’t even respect themselves?

Then the cycle of control and ego hit me with my son.  He was having the time of his life and I found myself getting angry because he was hanging out with a kid that I truly have an issue with—him and his parents.  It’s like when we are angry and someone tells us to calm down we get even more pissed; I don’t want people stepping on my toes and determining how I raise my kid, allowing things that I don’t allow while I am expected to respect their boundaries.  I see my son loving on these people and having fun and it stings because I feel he respects them more than me, he has a better time with them than me.  And I don’t know if I have the energy to give him what he wants, to allow him to do the things that terrify me.  I know I can’t be with him all the time and at the end of the day my goal isn’t to make him be a certain way.  I just want him to be safe and not do the things I know he is so brazen about that can hurt him.  I also want the opportunity to raise my own kid without interference from the group. 

With all of that being said, I understood how this was ego and fear related to me, my perception, my control, and my relationship.  I understood how all of my anxiety was caused by my own brain and expecting things to go a certain way and to be treated a certain way.  And simultaneously realizing that I’m allowed to expect to be treated with respect.  I have to get over this idea that because I’m short I need to defer to other people.  I am allowed to voice what my expectations are in regard to my boundaries and I am allowed to hold those boundaries.  I don’t need to choke back those feelings because if people are only friends with me because of what I give into for them, then they aren’t my friends.  If they can’t respect me then I don’t need to be around them.  But I do need to expect my husband to back that up.  We are partners and it isn’t unrealistic to expect my partner to demand that respect for me as well.  He needs the party still, I do not.  But I need the respect and I need to believe that what I contribute is enough.  I need to believe that I am able to share and be enough as I am, that my dreams are enough, and that I am allowed to focus on those things instead of demanding basic decency from others.  I deserve to be around people who appreciate and want me around and who I can reciprocate energy with.  My perception of their energy is irrelevant to my decisions—I need to do what is right for me, to be secure in my decisions for me, just as they are allowed to be.  Anything else is holding back forward momentum.  I choose to release that burden, that pattern, and move forward.       

“The challenge is not to be perfect, it’s to be whole,” Jane Fonda.  While I still believe the little pieces of us can add up to have a big impact, putting them all together makes a far bigger impact.  We have to release the fears of what people think, stop pleasing everyone, and learn to trust our instinct and all of that inner work will bring us to a clearer picture of who we are.  It doesn’t matter if we look perfect or if people think we are perfect—we become perfect when we embrace the entirety of who we are.  Life isn’t meant to be what others consider perfect.  In finding what works for us we learn that the definition of perfect varies from person to person anyway.  Finding wholeness within ourselves is key.  Trusting that what makes us feel whole is enough is key.  We don’t need to be more than what we are, we don’t need to push ourselves to create more than we are capable of, we don’t need the accolades of the entire world to be worthy.  We simply need to embrace the entirety of who we are.  When we choose to show the curated parts of who we are, we hold back from the greatness of what we can be.

I’m not saying to not strive for greater—I believe we settle for mediocrity far too often (myself included).  I am saying that we need to strive to be the greatest version of ourselves rather than being perfect.  When we are secure in our identities and we know the goal, we should constantly seek ways to improve, to develop, and to learn.  But that motivation needs to come from the innate desires we feel, the things that drive us.  It isn’t about looking to be the greatest/most/ best or to attain the greatest/most/best.  It’s about allowing the greatest expression of who we are be enough, understanding that all of those little pieces, all of those splinters, those sparks we carry are perfect as they are.  It’s understanding that each of those little pieces contribute to who we are.  The sum of our parts is greater than anything we can imagine.  Holding that back out of fear of rejection (or any fear) is one of the saddest things we can do—and we all do it.

So see the perfection in who we are and allow all of that to show to the world.  Embrace it, love it, share it.  I understand there are those who think that all of these avenues of acceptance are detrimental because we are working on accepting things that aren’t always healthy.  But the concept of acceptance in itself is one of the greatest steps in our evolution that I can think of.  We really are all perfect and we don’t need someone else to tell us we are in order to express that worth.  It isn’t our job to live up to billions of other’s definitions of perfection or answer to how they think we should live our lives.  It’s our job to become who we are meant to be, fully, and to embrace that, and share that with the world.  It really comes down to being whole in ourselves so that we don’t have to break off the pieces to feel worthy.  We don’t have to break off pieces so others feel whole in themselves.  Stand completely in who we are, help others find themselves so they can stand on their own, and see the perfection in simply being complete just as we are.     

“You decide you’re not worthy the moment you try to become worthy,” Sam Rossi.  Rossi mentioned this in conjunction with, “We don’t get what we ask for, we get what we believe.”  I heard these quotes and I understood the act of manifesting differently than I’ve ever understood it before.  The focus needs to be on the act itself, not merely the result.  We are a results oriented society and we tend to forget that the action is what produces those results.  Sam talked about making money because she loves to sell things so she focuses on selling because she enjoys the notifications of someone buying, not because the goal is to make money.  I’ve studied manifestation for a long time and this is the first time I’ve understood the process like this.  Shortly after I heard Sam’s words, I came across a video that explained manifesting isn’t about letting things fall in our laps, or that what we “get” determines our worth or what we are meant to have.  Manifestation and receiving are decisions.  More specifically, manifesting is an active receiving which means actively using the gifts we are given help others.  We have to do something in order to receive, we have to act on the gift in order to develop it and receive more.  Receive really is an action.  We need to demonstrate the assertiveness to take hold of the gift and use it.  It’s through that willingness to apply our gift we show our faith in ourselves and the universe—our worth.

The act of trying to become anything suggests we are currently NOT whatever we are trying to become.  The act of seeking suggests we do not currently have something, that we are lacking it.  We often put our focus on the end result rather than the process.  The process is work and we feel vulnerable when we are in the middle of anything with no results to show, so we feel weak and unsure.  Constantly extending the goal and ignoring what we’ve accomplished implies there is always more to do, that we are never fully worthy as we are, where we are.  Any suggestion we are not currently what we want to be means we are not that.  In this context we are showing the universe we believe we aren’t whatever it is we seek to be.  This is why we need to align our energies and actions toward what we want.  We need to believe that our action means we know we will get what we are meant to have.  That we have decided we are worth it and we believe we can accomplish anything, that we can handle whatever comes our way.  Change the way we think and what we believe and all will fall into place.        

“You have to trust in what you think.  If you splinter yourself, try to please everyone, you can’t,” Annie Liebovitz.  As I finished that last piece and read it to myself, as I sit here thinking about my scattered energies, I understand this quote at a deep level.  I’m ambitious and driven and also highly susceptible to distractions and not committing to finishing what I start (thank you ADD).  Throw in the proclivity to people please and it’s a recipe for disaster as far as trying to get anything done of value.  It’s on two levels: one is that I literally struggle to even get the thing done because I’m trying to do all the things at once (or I don’t even start because of analysis paralysis) or I’m caught up in what other people will think and make my decisions based on how they will feel or react.  We aren’t supposed to be everything to everyone all at once.  I can attest to it driving us crazy on a deep level.  We run circles all day exhausting ourselves but we are getting nowhere in spite of the movement.  The fear of making a mistake is still present.

Learning to trust what we think is challenging when we’ve based all of our decisions on impulse or on what others will think/how we think they will react.  Trusting ourselves is foreign and we have no gauge for what that trust looks like.  Living with blurred boundaries for the sake of being accepted on top of no focus leaves us building a house out of sand that we put together one grain at a time.  We have to zoom out and connect with who WE are instead of what we think others think—or what we think others think we are if that makes sense.  Trusting ourselves is a scary thing when all we’ve done is trust what others show us, trust their approval, and based our decisions on their reactions to us (and potential reactions).  We have to trust that we are capable of finding our way based on what we feel, that we are guided to what we feel for a reason.  That this path is our own and we don’t have to do anything based on what others think of us.  Like I said yesterday, sometimes a mistake is exactly what we need to get us on the right path.

Speaking as someone who has a 9-5, runs a business, is working on a book deal, who writes this bog for fun, who pulls cards for the public every morning, is a wife/mother/daughter/friend, I can 100% validate that splintering the mind never works.  Things get done but not how I would like them.  Some things don’t get done at all.  We can’t have that many obligations (self-created or not) and expect that we can keep all of those plates spinning.  Something has to give, and it’s never an easy choice as to what doesn’t get the attention it needs—sometimes it isn’t our choice what falls.  I have little faith in myself because I never see the results that I want.  I give into distraction in spite of doing all these things I want to do because my brain is trying to take a break.  If I simply trusted my instincts I know I would find the way.  I actually believe that with all of my heart—I feel it in my being.  But that instinct is calling for me to do something so radical that I have NEVER been able to force myself to take the steps necessary to do it.  Not the big one at least.  I still don’t feel fully supported, it feels selfish, and it feels like I would be giving up too much—or forcing those around me to give up too much.  But I see the potential to offer so much more by taking that risk is becoming greater than sitting here stewing over what I should do next, or fearing what others will say.  There are billions of people in this world and only one of me.  Not everyone will relate with this anyway—so why try?  Share who I am and let those who resonate with it, find it.  That is enough.  We are all enough.  So go for it—make those mistakes and stop splintering who we are.  One whole person is better than a billion fractions of a person.  All we need is that one little, precious spark and we can ignite the flame of our entire existence to light the path for everyone.  Stay whole.     

“And now go and make interesting mistakes.  Make amazing mistakes, make glorious and fantastic mistakes,” Neil Gaiman.  We tend to take life too seriously.  There is a balance, we know that some decisions are heavier than others but we need to be able to find the balance to move forward.  Let go of what other people think of us and just do the damn things.  Stop being so self-centered and take the risk.  Ironically the way to stop thinking about ourselves is to simply be ourselves—follow our instincts, give up ego, and just do what calls to us.  When we get out of our heads and connect with the feelings we understand what feels right for us.  Mistakes don’t matter.  We don’t need to take life seriously.  We don’t get hung up on what we “should” do and we allow ourselves to learn what we “must” do, the path we need to follow.  We learn what makes sense to ourselves and we can do that without fear of repercussion.  We understand that the greatest repercussion is missing out on our own lives because we try to please others.  We say no to the things we really want to be doing in favor of what we think we should be doing and then resentment builds.  A cycle begins that we feel we can’t stop and we wake up having lived the same life every day rather than living the live we were meant to have.

How we stop that is by doing what Gaiman says.  This life is an experiment and we were all given different tools, different understanding, different callings, different drives, and different talents.  We are meant to test those tools and see what we can make with who we are, not how we can conform those tools to be who everyone else is.  How dry and boring is that?  We were given these expressions (and chose this life and these trials if we believe that) for a reason and we are meant to use it.  Nothing is more suffocating that stifling our own voices because we fear what people will say or how they will react.  It’s shutting down the very essence of our beings for the potential reaction of someone else.  The very thing that sets us free is our ability to follow our instincts and trust what we know—and trust that we can learn from what we do to apply it and do better when the time comes.  The things that others may label as a mistake (and we may initially think it a mistake as well) can be the very thing that we need to set us forward toward the very answers we need.  Sometimes we find those mistakes weren’t mistakes at all.

Life is simply too short to waste it tailoring our actions based on how we THINK people will react.  If we think about it the very notion of that is ridiculous: we stop ourselves from even trying because we think we know what someone will potentially say.  We aren’t mind readers.  The human animal still operates with the survival brain, we haven’t evolved enough to understand that the ego has nothing to do with survival—or that we can’t actually predict every thought that goes through someone else’s mind.  How often do we hold ourselves back or miss out for the possibility that someone will say something negative to us?   Why don’t we start asking ourselves, “Who cares if they react this way?  Even if it’s something I perceive as a negative reaction, who cares?”  I’d rather find out what I am capable of and learn what I am meant to do by following the call of my heart than waste my life trying to predict every other person’s reaction before I’ve even tried to make it happen (whatever it is).  So make those mistakes, take those chances, and find the beauty in a life you may not have ever been able to imagine.