We were at a birthday party for a friend and neighbor the other night and I had the opportunity to hang out in a way I haven’t before.  I tend to get really socially awkward and that makes me judge people because I feel like I’m being judged.  I put them on a pedestal and I realized that night that we are all just people.  It was a really nice reminder of confidence—something I always preach about but still severely lack myself.  I learned a lot about one of my neighbors, someone I’ve been next to for 3 years at this point and had never really hung out with on a personal level.  There is a common theme amongst my neighbors of a different kind of hardship than I have faced.  They’ve dealt with teen pregnancy, bad relationships, money struggles, all of it.  Some of it in the same vein as I’m dealing with it and some of it worse.  And the other common theme is that all of them are still here and they are doing REALLY well for themselves.  I have no shame in admitting they are doing far better than we are in a lot of regards.  But they say that we attract the energy we give off so if I am able to attract these people who have overcome and succeeded at a level I want to be at, then that means I am capable of the same thing as well. 

Now, during the course of this party, what I realized is that there is no longer room for this control freak, perfectionist streak that I’ve been battling for so long.  It’s time for it to be killed—not phased out, but absolutely destroyed.  It serves nothing for me or my dreams, for anyone around me, or for those I want to help in the future.  I realized that the same message I have professed for so long needs to be deeply indoctrinated in me and practiced: it isn’t about being perfect, it’s about being perfectly me.  That is where the confidence really comes in.  I stress over things falling apart because I’m so afraid I can’t rely on myself (or others) to put it back together.  I need to rely on myself and decide and commit and execute and follow through.  I need to give into joy and WHO I am.  Not recklessly, but completely.  It’s only in giving over ourselves, not to whims, but true calls of purpose that we develop confidence, security, and knowledge of who we are.  We can’t, I can’t be afraid of who I am.  My choices ARE my story (the same for anyone)—I don’t need to be the main character for everyone else.  I need to be the main character for me and I need to be consistently and completely me. 

We meet new people for a reason, we are called to do things for a reason, even if we don’t understand it initially.  Don’t be afraid to follow that if it is something that doesn’t go away.  Meet new people, do new things.  Unite with others instead of dividing over differences.  Learn.  Spend time with people.  In being inclusive of others, that fear of being excluded goes away. Stop distracting ourselves with all of the should, must, have, to-dos.  Pick a lane, have some fun, and do what is right for us.  It’s ok to have fun.  We need to have fun.  Stop putting so much pressure on things and just love life as it is, experience it as it is right now.  Complete, full acceptance.  Again, complete acceptance, but not reckless acceptance (we don’t need to keep those habits that hurt us or others) will keep us on the path meant for us and show us our strengths and remind us of what we are capable of.  We are all the bosses of our lives and the owners of our paths.  Don’t be afraid of it.  Enjoy it. The themes that return to our lives have lessons for us and they pop up when we least expect it.  Sometimes it’s a reading.  Sometimes it’s a kid’s birthday party.