“Your true self is going to shock you because it’s far more powerful and beautiful than you ever imagined,” Richard Miller.  I’ve been experiencing a lot of fear reactions lately.  Much of it is because I’ve been in limbo too long.  I’ve made my future contingent on someone else’s decisions—things my husband wants, what my child needs, whether or not I get this role at work.  I’m waiting to show who I am and what I am capable of based on where I am accepted.  I’m determining my life based on someone’s decision if I am worthy of moving forward.  I have a lot of interest in multiple things and they are all good things.  But my attention is divided and I haven’t spent as much time developing myself as I should.  I’ve been focusing a bit here and there on different avenues and things that pique my interest, but I haven’t declared what it is I want.  Just when I think I have, I notice that my energies are still scattered.  As we get closer to a decision, I am aware of the feelings I have around it—I have reasons for wanting this and not wanting this new opportunity—and I am fortunate enough to have other opportunities as well.  But if I’m being fully honest, I know I’m afraid of making a decision because it’s riskier.  I’m afraid that if I make the decisions then they won’t happen anyway so it’s best to allow myself to be rejected rather than fight for something I’m only luke-warm about.

With all of that being said, I am very well aware that taking the time to find my true self, to find my own identity (much as I’ve been describing for years) that another person’s decision won’t matter. I see my former employee and the clarity she has in making choices and following through and I admire that so much.  But I still have that fear in me that if I declare I want something that I won’t get it.  I’ve been treating the universe like it can “grant” every other person’s wish but that my real desires will always be tested and that the opportunities I seek won’t happen.  Admittedly I’m stubborn and there are things I have refused to do that would probably have gotten me closer to my goals faster, but I also think that’s fear of not getting what I really want.  I felt like if I didn’t control every action and that if things didn’t go according to my plan then it wasn’t meant to be and it wouldn’t work out. 

Being our true selves is about ease.  It’s about honor. It’s about connection.  It’s about peace.  It’s about joy.  We will never have to fight to be our “True” selves—we simply are.  Taking the time to slow down and connect and really understand what it is we are feeling and when we need to guide those feelings, mastering our minds and emotions is key.  We will never have to fight to be who we are—that should be one of the most natural things in the entire world.  We have to stop accepting who the world tells us to be and simply be who we are born to be.  The close we are to that version of ourselves, the less we worry about tailoring and controlling anything about how people look at us.  As soon as we honor the fullness of who we are, we see the full spectrum of our color and embrace all of our power—and power isn’t dominance, it is ownership of our actions based on who we are.  So when we know our true selves, we see the world in its entirety and suddenly it’s very clear what we are meant to do.  We see all the good our personal power can bring upon the world.  We see all the space there is for people to step up and lead their lives so they can help others lead their lives as well.  We are powerful beyond measure, we just have to tap into that, we have to accept that, we need to honor that, we need to be that.  Allow the full spectrum of who we are delight us.  Experience the raw power of our beauty.  Live how we are meant to live and be amazed.