“When we speak, we are afraid our words will not be heard or welcomed.  But when we are silent, we are still afraid.  So it is better to speak,” Audre Lorde.  A concise and powerful reminder of the power of our voices.  Just because the words aren’t welcomed (or we fear they won’t be) doesn’t mean that they aren’t necessary.  If we misspeak and say the wrong thing, if we anger others with our words, at least we have the chance to correct it or explain it.  If we say nothing then the words die before they even reach our lips.  Nothing can change if we don’t speak honestly.  It’s normal to fear being contrary to what others think.  It’s normal to feel fear when we do anything against the crowd.  When we do things against the grain we are putting ourselves at risk to some degree—we become noticeable and it can feel like we have a spotlight on us.  In some cases that may even be true.  We have to decide between the risk of saying it or being silent.  It is better to share a fear and possibly have it mitigated rather than swallow that fear and hold it inside for the rest of our lives.    

As a child, I was never really a suffer in silence girl—I always tried to be respectful with adults but I didn’t hesitate for a second to point out what people were doing wrong, especially to each other. When it came to doing the right thing by others or explaining their voice (if needed) I was happy to be their voice and explain their side.  Looking back that’s probably how I got the know-it-all reputation with a few of my peers.  I was also quick at recognizing when I needed to be silent on behalf of others so I didn’t intrude.  At some point things started to shift and I didn’t feel comfortable or confident in using my voice any longer.  I became afraid of what others thought of me—it was easier to speak for others than myself.  I know that when I started holding back it began to feel like poison.  It wasn’t just the fear, it was seeing the missed opportunities for not raising my voice, feeling like I was saying the wrong things at the wrong time, knowing what I should have said, etc..  So I learned that not speaking up had bigger consequences than just staying silent—and I learned that staying silent had bigger consequences than being quiet.

The body functions on energy and flow and it isn’t designed to hold in and repress the energy of unspoken and unresolved emotions.  That’s why it can feel like poison.  All of that energy needs to go somewhere.  I started to physically suffer because I felt I couldn’t control what came out of my mouth so I was controlling what went in–I’d eat and eat and consume because I couldn’t find the time to create and say what I really needed to say, to move the energy along.  I shrank myself from what I really wanted to do and my body got bigger, more cumbersome, and my confidence diminished in a perpetuating cycle of fear of what others thought of me either for what I said or how I looked.  I wanted to be heard, and yes, understood but I was afraid I wouldn’t be.  Over time that energy became too much to bear and something shifted.  I was tired of hurting myself for the sake of the potential of what others thought.  I was tired of holding these things in and still being afraid.  And the words started pouring out.  That energy moved again and I knew that it was better to feel afraid for a second than to repress it for a lifetime.  We all have a voice—use it.