They say how important it is to have a partner that is focused on the same thing, that values the same thing, that has the same ambition/drive/beliefs.  I can attest that this is true, that we need to be on the same page.  Opposites may attract but in order to sustain a relationship and create a mutually beneficial world, you need to be working toward the same thing.  If you’re not, it becomes disconnected effort and a competition rather than a collaboration.  People whose efforts oppose one another’s only drag us down.  This isn’t to say that our partners need to believe, feel, say, do, and think the exact way we do—far from it.  But if we want a unified effort, we need to be sure we are on the same page.  Spending time with someone who only wants to fight instead of finding a solution, someone who always wants to blame instead of face their own accountability, is enough to make anyone feel crazy and lost. 

Relationships need love and support and care and growth.  All of those things come from a mutual love and respect for one another and understanding how the other person operates.  It is easier to feel those things for someone who operates the same way.  Relationships can’t be about a power struggle where one person is working toward a goal the other one says they want but the other one is constantly sabotaging the other person’s efforts.  This often happens when we fall in love with someone’s potential over the reality of who they are.  The truth is that anyone can be anything but they have to want to be that thing and put in the effort to get there.  If they don’t it’s a waste of time because we aren’t here to change anyone.  As much as we don’t want to be changed, we can’t change others.  Accepting ourselves makes it easier to accept others and to recognize when we aren’t accepted.  Forcing someone to be something other than who they are (or being someone other than ourselves) leads to disaster.    

Understanding that a relationship built on anything other than a shared vision will eventually fall apart is the real lesson here.  In order to know what we value and what we need in life, we need to know who we are prior to getting involved with someone.  We want to attract who is right for us instead of what we think we deserve—instead of settling for something.  We need to see the person for who they are.  We are all flawed, but someone’s character speaks louder than their perceptible flaws.  Don’t ever take someone who isn’t already actively emulating what we value.  We aren’t here to control the other person, nor are we meant to diminish ourselves.  We are meant to celebrate who we are and we honor that version of ourselves with the people we surround ourselves with.  If we don’t have “our people” (those who appreciate us as we are and believe similar things to us) then we need to move on.  Forcing other people to change or forcing ourselves to be anything other than who we are isn’t healthy—we must accept, adapt, and move on. 

We can be blind to who a person really is because we want them to be a certain way so badly.  We tell ourselves that things will change and they may even tell us that they want to change.  Words without action mean nothing.  We have to ask ourselves how long we want to deal with someone who says they want things a certain way and then don’t follow through.  What does it do to our motivation?  What does it do to our morale?  What happens to our future when we aren’t working on what we want in our lives because we are waiting for someone else to follow through in their lives?  Resentment, anger, frustration.  Life is too short to deal with that.  Life is too short to not celebrate and love what we have every day.  It’s too short to worry about our needs being met because someone else doesn’t want to hold up their end of the deal.  Respect and honor ourselves (and the other person) enough to walk away and allow them to be who they are.  It takes time to accept, but it’s easier in the long run.