Today I am grateful for understanding my power.  There are moments in all of our lives where we have the choice to stand up or the choice to remain down.  As I’ve been working through some serious transitions in my life, I’ve understood that I was afraid of something different than I thought.  I used to think I was afraid of time passing, of not being good enough, of never “qualifying” for something I really wanted.  The truth is I was afraid of my worth and I was afraid of my power.  I was afraid to unleash it because people wouldn’t accept me.  But now I see what it feels like to own it and how to maneuver with it, how to guide it, and even how to channel it.  I understand that I didn’t need permission and it wasn’t that people thought I wasn’t good enough.  They were afraid of me.  I was afraid of me.  I thought I needed permission when I needed to make a declaration—I needed to appreciate more.  Instead of looking for the faults, I needed to celebrate the good. 

Today I am grateful for the transitions I’ve made.  It’s been 43 days of solid work on my body and mind.  I’m down 10 pounds.  I’ve stood up for myself.  I’ve put myself out there for different opportunities at work.  I’ve begun developing a program at work in spite of a different directive/belief in what I do.  I’m no longer waiting for permission in that regard.  I’m no longer waiting for someone to tell me it’s ok to do what I know needs to be done—what should have been done a long time ago but I was too scared to work on.  I’m no longer wanting anyone’s opinion of what I do to validate that I should go for it. It’s no longer about seeking their approval or their belief—it’s following the knowing that I’ve always had.  When we feel that spark of greatness, that flame of creativity, that thing we know we can’t let go of—the thing that says, “THIS. This is what I’ve been telling you.  It’s right,” that’s the thing we need to listen to.  Not someone’s thoughts on the matter.  Their path is not ours and they aren’t meant to understand what we are doing.  They don’t always need to know where we are going.  Focusing on personal development and following through on it is a game changer.  It’s not easy to get started on a transition, it’s difficult to maintain.  But once it’s integrated, it’s easy.  We only complicate it in our minds—the body is incredibly adaptable.  Love it and respect it and keep it healthy.  The mind is malleable as well—perspective is a bit more challenging but it IS possible to change perception.  Allow the possibilities to unfold.

Today I am grateful to be a connector.  I struggled with friendships for a long time.  Struggling with control, trust, perfectionism, and a severe lack of knowledge of self from years of people pleasing led me down a fairly lonely path.  I was always afraid of being left behind and there are times I still am.  I get insecure that my friends like each other better than me even if I know it isn’t true—it’s a blessing to have a group that gets on so well. I am grateful because I’ve managed to connect a beautiful group of people.  I’ve managed to help employees find their path.  I’ve mentored people toward better self-perception.  I love having the gift of cutting through all the bullshit and getting to the meat of the matter.  Some people are afraid about that with me—and it has caused a few issues. But I know in the end that directness is far easier than playing nice.  I spent years playing nice and it literally got me nowhere except looking for the next person to tell me what to do or praise me.  Dancing around an issue is never the answer.  I never mean to be cruel, I just don’t like pretending the issue is something other than what it is for the sake of someone’s opinion.  I love that I have this beautiful group of people around me.    

Today I am grateful for the laughs in life.  For the laughs that I heard for the first time, the laughs I couldn’t control, the laughs that bubbled up and out without thought, the laughs I will always remember, the laughs I won’t get to hear again—and so wish I could.  I love the genuine laughs—hearing the sound of my son for the first time all the way to my grandfather guffawing.  I remember the smile across his face when something struck his fancy.  I spent too much time worrying and missing out on the laughs.  I always thought that I had to be serious so I would appear like I knew my stuff and no one would hurt me, like I was older than I was.  But in that process I lost learning about myself.  I missed finding out what I really enjoyed, finding out what I was capable of, finding out what connected me to others.  Don’t misunderstand, I had many beautiful moments, but we so often forget how beautiful life is in every moment.  Find the laughs.  Find the moments to laugh.  Find the moments to feel the joy.     

Today I am grateful for advancing.  We are our own worst critics and it’s difficult at times to acknowledge or see our progress.  Sometimes we are too close to the scenario to really see the progress—we may feel different (which is key) but seeing what we want is challenging at times.  Last night we were celebrating with some friends—and I’m grateful to have neighbors that are truly such good friends—and there were people in the group who hadn’t seen me for a while.  They commented on progress I’ve made with my health.  This was something I wasn’t even sure was noticeable, but they did.  It gave me the encouragement to keep doing what I’ve been doing.  It really is something I’ve been working on and I’ve been proud of it regardless—we’ve often spoken of how difficult a lifestyle change can be so I’ve already known I was proud for sticking with it—but I am grateful to be making the moves I am in life.  I don’t know specifically what comes next, but I am grateful and I know it is something bringing be me closer to where I need to be, closer to the goal. 

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.