We needed to go out with some friends on Sunday to pick up some supplies for an upcoming, truly important trip.  We had several things on our agenda and it seemed all we did ended up taking significantly longer than it should have.  I had no intention of being gone all day—and it turned into an all day excursion.  When I woke up on Monday, I found myself thinking about accountability for the life I want and how different I felt on Sunday.  Why did I have such a sense of urgency?  To be fair, I hadn’t planned on it taking all day, and we were behind schedule from the start.  By the time the day was ending, they wanted to go get ice cream really far out of the way and there was a line no less than 30 people deep and it was taking an inappropriately long time to complete orders.  While I was standing there I knew I was being impatient but I couldn’t stop myself from thinking that I just wanted to be done standing around doing nothing.  We’d been out for almost 12 hours already and I still had things to do at home.  I don’t have someone doing my laundry, cooking, cleaning, dishes etc. for me—that’s all on me in addition to working.  But it hit me that I’m always trying to just get things done.  Why am I always trying to get to the finish instead of enjoying where I’m at?  Why not take the time to enjoy a beautiful evening enjoying ice cream with friends?  Enjoying seeing my son enjoy his first dipped cone?     

I’m trying to fit in four lifetimes in one because I haven’t transitioned to what I want to do with my life.  Not fully.  On Monday, I knew that I didn’t want to HAVE to wake up at 4am or earlier anymore to try and fit things in.  I don’t want to continue working for someone who doesn’t appreciate what I’m doing anyway.  I want to create opportunities for myself but I’m afraid they won’t come through.  I don’t want to be rescued because I don’t want to be obligated to someone else but I know I need help.  I’m confused with a business opportunity because I know it’s good but it’s something I feel wastes a lot of valuable time—we spend a majority of our meetings saying the same things about the same people and I feel we lose the meaning behind what we are trying to do by either doing the same things on repeat or jumping too quickly from one item to the next.  But I understand the only way to transition is to slow down and be present.  I love going on walks so I should have just enjoyed the day.  Finding books together in the second hand store, going to the Lego store, it was all pure joy.  Why couldn’t I just slow down and be present in that joy?  It’s ok to follow the path of what feels good—I preach that we need to do that all the time anyway.  So what was holding me back? 

Life isn’t just about getting things done.  There will always be something else to do no matter how much we check off the list.  There will always be something else that needs to be done.  And when everything is done in our lives, we are dead.  So we need to start taking care of who we are in our souls and following what feels good, wake up to what is right in the moment we are in and constantly express gratitude for that.  Do more of what we love and let the universe know we love it and more of that will come.  Life isn’t something we get through—it is supposed to be an experience filled with love, joy, creativity, connection, and purpose.  We want to make it a beautiful life and we need to be awake every moment instead of trying to do all the things at once.  We have to trust that what we do in a day is what we are meant to do and that we have done enough.  Presence is key.  No, I don’t do well with doing nothing—I need to be doing something—but I also don’t have to overwhelm myself with doing all the things at one time.  Stay aware of what I’m feeling, and when it gets tough to settle into the newness of something, just breathe and stay present.  Stay aware of what feels good.  It’s ok to slow down and enjoy a day doing something we didn’t think we would be doing.  It was a great adventure and we really did have fun with some amazing people.  If that’s more of what I want then that is what I have to do.