I love the open skies out here on the prairies/farms. The clouds literally look like giant cotton balls, the fields seem to stretch on forever. You truly (and literally) can see the curve of the Earth. It makes me feel so small and so powerful at the same time. We are these tiny beings floating on this giant rock in space, and we can literally see that—if you have the chance to feel that kind of humility, find a way to sit in that every day. This world turns at its own pace and it is in its own time and we are just a blip on the radar. But even if we are “just a blip” think of the ways we still have an impact. Being human is a funny thing because for as powerless as we are, we have incredible power in our own lives, in our time. We are so small but we are able to do so much. It’s hard to break the habit of what we think we are supposed to do in favor of what we know we are supposed to do. But when we see the expanse of the Earth and know that we are part of this grand design in some way, that we are part of the eternal energy of the universe, we know that there is no reason to not jump whole-heartedly into what we want to do with our lives. There is no reason to not take every moment and love it, to fully embrace it, to be everything we want to be and do everything we want to do. Our place is to love this time, this place, this energy we are in and if we don’t, then we need to find a way to change that. Know that we have the power to shift our reality, and sometimes that is exactly what we are meant to do. Remember how small we are, know that we can act with humility while still following our purpose. And the truth is that is all we need to do—even if we feel out of place or embarrassed or scared. We are simply meant to do what we are called to do, to fulfill our purpose. That is our place.
I take a lot of pictures, especially of nature, the sky, the moon. I was going through my roll and I saw this picture I took of the moon, full and bright and the next one was from the following morning where the sun was sitting high in the sky. Something about those photos being next to each other just hit me. Two totally different scenarios, different times, and both filled with light. Both exuding a different kind of light but both in their own way and in their own time. It was such a visceral visual representation that we are always guided. There is joy and purpose and there is always light, even in the dark. It’s the true combination of the yin and the yang. We are creatures of timing and there is a purpose for both times, day and night, specifically in our cycle. Both are energizing and we use them both to recharge. The night literally allows us to stop and regain our strength while the sun is our fuel and creates the energy for us to consume. There is magic and necessity in both. It goes to show that no matter the time, there is always something lighting the way. We simply have to find the source and allow it to do what it does best: shine. And if there is ever a moment when we can’t find the way, consider that we may be the light.
There was a description of Chi (Qi) lines that caught my attention where it basically said there is energy everywhere, we just need to reach out and grab it. I’m not going to be disrespectful and pretend I understand everything about that type of energy, but something clicked about my relationship with source and managing how I want to feel, how I want to use energy. I’ve been doing a lot more focused spiritual work and I’ve realized that life and spirituality is an amalgamation, an alchemy, of a lot of things: energy, physics, nature, source/God, the body, understanding the elements, respecting timing, etc. Without putting these things together, we have a half truth, not true understanding of the nature of the universe. But with practice, we can see how it all comes together. We’ve been so fixated on domination and proving what we know, feeling and exerting our power that we’ve forgotten what real power there is in connection to this type of energy.
Control is an illusion. Well, control of the outside is an illusion. We’ve bought into a system, a beautifully designed guise telling us we have our freedom when we do the same thing every day and all we do is feed a system, creating wealth for the few while the rest of us do the work. We live in distraction, waiting for the next time we are “allowed” to focus on what matters to us. We believe that is free when our soul knows it’s looking for all of these other things to fulfill it. Our body, mind, heart, and soul all want us working in the depths of what we feel, in the timing of the universe, not trying to find time to make our true nature work. We need to BE our true nature. It’s when we are connected to our true nature that this alchemy can begin and the magic happens.
Magic, at its core is about presence and connection. When we are present and connected to our true nature, we feel and see differently. We understand differently. Letting go of the illusions and ignoring the distractions we face becomes easy. We understand what is truly important and how to do that work instead of what we are told to do. We learn to feed ourselves and nourish our own systems instead of the systems we are told create freedom and give equity to people. We forget we are wild, we forget we are animals, part of nature and that we have gifts and are meant to work with them. To work with our hands and create. To be in nature’s time, not our own. To judge our success by how we feel and what we create and not how much we consume or show off. If we give up the idea of things needing to be a certain way and change our viewpoint of what life is, what success is, what we need to create, the entire view shifts. THAT is magic.
Today I am grateful for reminders of what is important. We had a birthday party the other day and there were so many lessons. 1. Getting older truly is a gift because not everyone makes it. Not everyone gets that much life. If we can approach a certain age with health, love, and joy, we are blessed. 2. Do not take our health for granted, not even for a second. Do whatever we can to care for ourselves. 3. Not everyone lives their life the same way and we are all simply doing our best. We do what we think is right—there are no instruction manuals in this game and all we can do is keep trying. We need to treat each other with a little more grace and respect because sometimes the person who offers a hand is the last person you’d expect—and you never know when you need that hand. 4. There is so much joy and beauty in simplicity and presence. Sometimes all we need is an acknowledgement of love, or to step outside and climb some rocks, touch a tree. When our brains move too quickly, we need to find a way to slow down and come back to presence. 5. Sometimes the people who show you they care, even when you think they’ve forgotten about you, are the last ones you’d expect. It doesn’t need to be a big show, but it is so important to feel included, acknowledged, and loved, to know that our existence matters. 6. Take the damn pictures and enjoy every fucking moment no matter what. No matter what. Capture that moment and cherish it, and always be present.
Today I am grateful for both surviving and thriving. I try to spend time in gratitude every day because I am well aware of the importance of each moment in this life but the truth is sometimes you have to survive in order to thrive, to appreciate what you have. For a long time I never understood some of the people in a certain person’s life. I see now the appeal of the people in his life—he fought to prove his existence his entire life in everything he did (which he never had to do but he felt that) and these people don’t bat an eye to open their arms. They’ve taught him to slow down and find value in the moment. Take the picture, be happy and we don’t constantly have to work on proving ourselves—we are allowed to have fun and enjoy our lives. Life doesn’t have to be that serious and even if we make a mistake, we are human and we learn…and we move on. A mistake doesn’t need to be held over someone’s head for years. The people in my family who always created that sense of needing to prove are on different spectrums now. Some see the value in life as it is—or they are at least awakening to it while others are still trying to control life, place value on certain people, and judgement if things aren’t exactly how they think it should be. We only get so much time and we can spend it living, learning, and applying or we can stick in a moment and let life stagnate until that moment becomes what we think it should be. I choose the latter.
Today I am grateful for being able to return a favor. It really does feel good to give back. We are incredibly blessed to have some super loving and generous neighbors. We aren’t always able to return the level of generosity they have (for various reasons) and sometimes it makes me feel really anxious (talk about needing to prove myself). One of my gifts is being able to pick up on when people are in distress or out of sorts or just not ok. The other day I was keenly aware that one of them was in total disarray mentally. I immediately took stock of the situation and let her speak and she shared some very similar things to my circumstances—attention constantly divided, needing to take care of everyone around you, unable to articulate thoughts because you can’t finish a sentence even if you know what you want to say, feeling obligated (or actually being obligated) to take care of to take care of everyone but yourself. I took steps to give her what I could, to provide resources with what I had and I could see the relief in her. It felt amazing and reminds me of the actual work I want to be doing, the type of impact that I want to have on the world.
Today I am grateful for new opportunities. Today we are going to attend a conference for our business and I feel like I am on the precipice of something. There has been a lot of emotion over the last several months, surrounded by confusion—some of it self-created, some of it from too much stimulation—but all of it has left me feeling drained and confused about which way to go next. I understand now that this isn’t the narrative I want to keep repeating so I know that I will need to make a decision soon. I am grateful to have the opportunities that are coming my way, and I am even more grateful that I have a choice amongst them. As hard as it is to not see the end, I can’t be upset that I’m not clairvoyant or all-powerful to see the end of the circumstance. And the reality is that the end is the end—I don’t want to have to rush through my life to get there SO, the point is that I simply need to make a decision and trust it is the right one. Trust that all the opportunities that are meant for me will come my way and that my life is unfolding as it should. Stop keeping my life on pause because I don’t see farther down the road. Enjoy the moment, make a decision based on what feels right, and let go of the rest.
Today I am grateful for remembering myself. I’ve been in the corporate world for a really long time and I’ve been leaning more and more toward taking myself too seriously. I don’t feel connected to anyone around me at times in regard to getting things done. The list of what we “need” to do is getting longer and longer and treated with less and less appreciation and we have to do it with less people. I’ve felt like the only way to survive in that environment is to be a machine and just churn out the work. It’s an incredibly overwhelming feeling. Sometimes when we are letting go of what we know it feels like we are doing something wrong. We feel this pull to do what we feel is familiar whenever we try something new. I know I personally get this sinking feeling in my stomach, like I’m incredibly uncomfortable. But I know that I need to start embracing the unknown and start working more toward those things until they become familiar too. And then I go on to the next adventure. It’s about knowing what works for me and doing what’s right—for me, what feels right.
Today I am grateful for being busy. The last week has been super overwhelming—I have a lot on my plate at work because I am down an entire department and I’ve been working with my child as he is back in school, and I have all of these projects at home in addition to things like birthdays and conventions. It’s been overwhelming and I literally didn’t know what to prioritize first. But the truth is this: being busy means there is action in my life, there are steps forward, there are things to do. I have the ability to say yes to things I want and no to things I don’t want. I am blessed with things to do, I am blessed with choices, I am blessed with people who support me to do new things. I am blessed to be supported by people who sometimes struggle to know what it is they want. Being busy means that I have choices—I can be busy doing what I think is right or I can be busy working on the things I want to. Making the transition is scary, but I am learning to rely on my own steps every day. It’s not perfect, but I have the ability to do it.
I was watching a cartoon with my son the other day and one of those realizations flashed through my brain. One of the characters finds a way to produce a food that everyone seems to love so she injects her tree with a type of fertilizer to force it to produce more than it normally does. Meanwhile there is a shaman that advises the other character that she needs to stop and appreciate the relationship she has with nature and to appreciate what is being given to her. He even advises something along the lines that you get force too much [fruit] off of one tree, you may need to divide the job amongst several others. She doesn’t listen and eventually kills the tree. Her source dries up because she didn’t appreciate it, she didn’t listen to advice to stop, and she didn’t respect what it was capable of (its own timing and productivity). How often do we do this? Push and force ourselves, those around us, and yes, even our food to be more, to do more? It isn’t healthy. It isn’t how to yield the best results. We need to respect ourselves, our ability to produce, our timing—and maybe delegate some of that responsibility to others so we can all carry the load to produce the best outcome for all.
We are trained to believe that if we don’t do it all on our own that we are somehow less than…something or someone else. That somehow the work we do isn’t worth as much if we needed help or if we needed to take a different path than others to get where we wanted to go. There are so many ways to achieve things in this world and none of them has been deemed right or wrong (with the exception of hurting other people or things for personal gain—I think we can all agree that’s crappy). When we were fighting for survival (literally fighting, like in cave-man times), the only thing that mattered at the end of the day is if we lived. Didn’t matter how, but if we survived and we were unscathed and we could go another round, it was fine. As we evolved and became more and more adept at manipulating our environment, something shifted and we thought we needed to get specific and tell people how to do certain things—and we assigned a value to it. We lost sight of the inherent value in everyone and what they could do. We thought control meant that people needed to do the same thing in the same way or it was somehow not worth as much. All that served was a system. We made ourselves and others part of the same system so we could understand what was “worth it.”
It’s quite simple: the more we force things to be a certain way, or the more we force something to do more of what it already does beyond its natural capacity, it becomes destructive. We pretend it’s under necessary to produce more and more and to be more and more instead of respecting who, what, and where we are. We have a lot of talent and a lot of good that we can give this world and it doesn’t have to live up to anyone’s standards. In some ways, yes, this is simply about being enough as we are. But it’s also about respecting nature—and we are a part of nature—and appreciating what we have, what we can do, and what the natural world provides. We don’t need to manipulate anyone or anything to do something it doesn’t do naturally (or to do more than it does naturally). We are all part of nature and we all have our own rhythm and we are meant to follow it. The closer we align with what we naturally are, with what we naturally feel, and our natural capacity, the better we feel—and the more we can produce. It isn’t our job to force more or to produce more—that’s an industry and capitalist thing. We know we want to live according to the natural rhythm of the world, and the world feels better when we do so. Don’t allow our source to dry up because someone put an expectation on us. Be who we are and honor the pace we live. It all comes in its own time.
You cannot be where you will not go. I’m not sure where I heard this so apologies, no infringement is intended. The simplest definition is that if we don’t do the work, we will not get where we want to go. If we are unwilling to do what it takes, to follow the steps to get somewhere or achieve something specific, then we will never see it to fruition. We have to do what we say we will if we are to move forward. We can’t wish in one hand and expect the results to show. We have to wish, align, do the work, and allow it to come to be. This isn’t to say change is easy, but if we aren’t seeing results, we need to look at our own actions.
I’ve felt a disconnect lately, like the inside doesn’t match the outside. There are days I tell myself how powerful I am, that I’m in control and I got this. I FEEL successful, I FEEL powerful–but I too quickly fall back into my patterns of losing confidence. I got frustrated the other day because I really looked at my body and saw myself as a mess and realized that isn’t how I feel or how I want to portray myself at all. My mind has all of these goals and ambitions, I see myself as this healthy version doing what I say I will but that isn’t happening. Like out of habit, I still drink when I’m with friends, or I have a diet soda—and I had completely stopped those things for a while. It hit me, though: as much as I am frustrated with how I look and feel—because mentally I am ready to go but physically I can’t seem to get myself there–I can’t be mad at my body. 1. I did it to myself. The decisions I’ve made and the habits I have got me here. This wasn’t something that happened overnight. 2. My body, no matter how I feel about its appearance, got me here. I breathe, my heart beats, my brain still creates, I move—those are major things to be grateful for. As long as I can do those things, I can fix the rest. I know I can’t and don’t want to keep operating as I have been—so I have to stop doing what I’m doing and live the life how I would operate as that version of myself.
So the truth about not getting where you will not go is as simple as this: we have to do what we say we will. If we don’t feel it, if we aren’t aligned with it, if our actions don’t match the words or the feelings—and yes, if the outside doesn’t match the inside—we need to make some changes. Sometimes our challenges are harder than others but the truth is change is never easy. If something isn’t working then we have to do something different. It isn’t a punishment or anything designed to make us feel bad, it’s a guidance system. If it doesn’t feel right then we know we’ve gotten off course. So take stock, take a look at where we are at, and address the areas that aren’t working or aren’t what this new version would do. It starts with small steps: the other night at dinner I didn’t order a soda. I ordered a lemonade. Yes, still sugary, but it was a step away from something I know hurts my brain. I made smoothies the other day and I literally felt total clarity that I have to be that person, making better decisions and following through. Success is a decision. If I want to get there, I need to do what it takes to get there, in all the small ways. We all do.
“If you really want to fly, just harness your power to your passion,” Oprah. Just when I thought I was done talking about desire, this little gem pops up. I think this is a great reminder and a nudge from the universe to remember that it’s up to us to figure out our passion and then build it up and to focus it into results. I mentioned in the piece two days ago that desire can easily transform into fixation and this is where I want to explain that a bit more. We don’t want desire to become fixated because then we are locked into a specific way to a specific result and we will repeat the same action over and over again until we see that result—and often times we won’t see it or it will take us longer than we ever would have thought. What we are actually looking for is to turn desire into passion. Passion keeps us focused on the end result but not so much on the how. Yes, it will show us the steps we need to take, but it takes the ego out of it and we don’t feel the need to determine what that step is. We allow the universe to show us what’s next.
In creating anything and developing desire to passion, it’s important for us to understand what is measurable and what is producing the results we are looking for. I will us the familiar analogy of running a track. Yes, we are moving and creating/using energy as we run circles, but we aren’t getting anywhere. The goal is to get those ideas off the ground and to start living that life so we must direct that energy to the things that lift us up. Or at the very least things that help us progress forward, not just run circles. So all in all, the lessons so far are this: feel the thing that calls inside, the repetitive thoughts we can’t let go of and start working to raise that spark into a little flame. See if it’s something we can develop into something more—and more importantly, if it’s something we want to develop into something more. From there, find what will bring us to the next level. What gets us moving? Even if it is in circles at this point, what is helping us move? Next is the real development. Now we ask ourselves what moves us forward? Not just moving, but intentionally moving forward? And lastly, is the harnessing of that power. What will bring us to the point where we are no longer running, but flying? Not only do we move with intention, but we have an intentional destination. That is how we move and create with desire and live with passion and drive. We learn to fly.
“The greatest power isn’t atomic energy—it’s human desire,” JR Ridinger. As we spoke yesterday, desire is what makes this world move, specifically our own worlds. I want to press home the point that our goal doesn’t need to be to change the course of the world, rather to develop and change the course of our own worlds. Never underestimate the power of the example we can set through harnessing our own power and desire—and through focus. The interesting thing, and something we’ve spoken about often, is that creative power is destructive. It shatters the paradigm and lessons of everything we thought we knew. The mind is infinitely powerful so if we have a thought or something that tells us we need to work on it, then it is there for a reason—it is there for us to develop. Those desires, the initial sparks and flames of knowing there is something else are no joke. We are meant to fan that into something huge.
The difference between atomic energy and human desire is also this: atomic energy seeks to destroy through harmful means while human desire destroys that which harms in favor of something new, first for ourselves, and then for everyone. Our creation can go either way so we need to manage the fuel and the resulting flame. All forms of destruction contain power—it takes that kind of power to willingly walk away from security and what we knew in order to learn and create something else. The whole point is this: we need to know the end goal of what we see and feel around us. We need to know what we are looking to create in our lives and then, more importantly, how to build it back up into something functional, not just a repeat of what we’ve already done. We can use our power and creativity for whatever we choose, yes, but when we choose to harness it, magic happens.
Spend sometime thinking about what we truly desire in our lives. What do we truly crave? How do we really want to feel? Are we doing the things that bring us to that state? Or are we waiting for something or someone else to give it to us? The truth is we can have it at any time as long as we are dedicated and focused enough to follow through. That alone is enough to shift the course we are on. We can’t wait for someone to take our dreams, develop them, and give them to us. We’d be waiting our entire lives, so that work is our job. Finding that clarity and what it takes to bring the idea to life is our job. Don’t squander the gift of energy we have because there will come a time when our energy is gone and it will be our time to transition it back to the Earth from where we came. If we are here, if we are breathing, if we are able to alter the course of our lives, then now is the time to honor that desire and do it. What do you really want to do with that? I hope we all take a moment to figure that out and envision the future.
“Desire, burning desire is basic to achieving anything beyond the ordinary,” Joseph Wirthlin. I want to caveat this understanding that desire is a tricky thing because it can quickly lead to obsession or fixation on a specific result. That isn’t to say that WILL happen, but it is to say we need to direct and choose our focus thoughtfully. Without desire, we lack motivation to make changes or do anything else. We lack a direction or a drive to where we want to be. We lack clarity on what to do next. Desire is a fire we need to contain and direct—never extinguish, but guide and direct like a controlled burn. We fan the flames where they need to be otherwise we burn what creates life, the life we are looking for. So often we look at fire as destruction and discount the life-giving properties it can have. Yes, it scorches and burns and eliminates and consumes what is in its path, but in its wake, it leaves the Earth prepared for new growth. It clears the way by removing the old to make way for the new. Sometimes that slow burn is all we need to create something new.
Desire makes us believe that there is something else possible. It tells us that what we currently have is paving the way for something more, something different. Desire is the spark inside of us that inspires us to action to create. We are highly adaptable creatures and we are gifted with incredible ingenuity to create what we envision. When we sit on that, we waste time that could have been devoted to creating it. We are meant to recognize what needs to burn in order to create space for new growth. We don’t have to set out to create an extraordinary world or alter the entire course of history—we need to change our own world and alter our own path and in doing so, we will find ourselves and show others how to do the same.
Don’t let anyone put out that flame. Surround ourselves with people who encourage healthy development and practices and who we can co-create with. We need to work with people who allow it to build and develop and help us to harness it. If we suppress the flame all we do is burn ourselves and we fear that which can open the door to an entirely new life for us. Don’t pretend the desire doesn’t exist. It doesn’t matter what it is as long as it’s something that drives us—it isn’t for anyone else to determine what is right or good for us. If it feels good, if it’s something we think we can create with, then that is what we need to do. The only way to change is to allow change to happen and if we want to make a change in our lives, we need to know which parts of the old version of ourselves we need to let go. Flame is a death, but also a rebirth, for out of the ash, new life is born much like the Phoenix. Let the life we are meant to have flourish and awaken.
So often we don’t realize that our expectations of things going a certain way are the very things holding us back. We aren’t allowing things to progress if we demand a certain thing come in a certain way at a certain time. We have our life on pause until that thing happens the way and when we envision it. When we release the expectation of how and when, we free up the energy needed for the thing to come. We let go of our idea of what others think of us and we simply become who we are. That acceptance of self and the willingness to accept lessons and direction (or redirection) clear the way. We know what to do and then allow the rest. Stop creating our own obstacles by demanding the how.
I didn’t realize how much of my expectation of things going a certain way was actually stopping me. I thought it was a matter of me being responsible and keeping to course to a certain degree. I never considered it was a control thing. I thought it simply was a trial and a test to see if I was dedicated enough or committed enough to see things through no matter how tough. I never considered it wasn’t a test of resilience but rather a test of faith. A test that I could trust enough to let go and float and things would still come to pass as they were meant to. It wasn’t about my resolve to see things through, it was about having faith enough that what was meant to happen will happen and get me where I need to go.
Sometimes things don’t look how we think they will. I know there was a period where I got confused and I started settling for anything because I didn’t think that anything I wanted would come to fruition. I stopped saying yes to what I actually wanted because I didn’t think it was for me—I confused the alignment with chasing a carrot while demanding it look a certain way for me to be worthy to receive it. But when we put all of that aside and we learn to take life as it comes, we see that all we are meant to have finds its way to us no matter what we are doing. We can’t stop what is meant to be. We can’t demand it be a certain way because that isn’t ours to control but we can allow and adapt to things as they come. Don’t allow our expectations to be what stops us in our tracks. Trust what comes.
The Intentional Dreamer 