I was listening to a reading the other day and he said that we need to tame the beast in order to harness our power and make something more substantial through taking action.  I considered a beast a system that told me how to live, a boss that I needed permission from, a system that told me no every time I went after something, a system that wouldn’t let me break the confines of where I was at even if I went about it the “right” way, something that fought me every step of the way. While all of that is true, something else came over me: there is more than one beast that needs to be fought.  My beast isn’t solely an outside oppressor, I’m my biggest limiter.  There are many outside influences that try to keep us small, but the truth is they only work on us if we let them.  We are only small if we choose to be.  I know and speak first hand to the fact that playing small seems normal and that is what we are expected to do.  I know from experience that this is a bullshit construct that we can break free of at any time.  I may not have entirely done that yet, but I am 100% certain it’s true.

I have a beast of fear, of self-doubt, of inaction, of confusion/lack of clarity, and a lack of belief.  The more I thought about it, the more I realized that these beasts were far more dangerous and limiting than anything I had experienced coming from the outside.  The only reason the outside limited me at all was because I believed it did. I believed that I needed to live in those confines.  I resented as much as I envied those who naturally broke those rules and did their own thing.  It baffled and angered me when I saw those who shirked the rules not only facing 0 consequences, but surpassing me in nearly everything I wanted to do.  I never thought that was something possible for me, that I’d be able to move beyond and see those highest/deepest dreams.  Additionally, I wanted the safety net, I wanted something to fall back on.  It seemed the smarter choice.  Soon that net wrapped itself around me like a suffocating cocoon and I couldn’t move anywhere—and I blamed others for that.  Then it became a self-fulfilling prophecy: because I was wrapped in the net, I never gave myself the opportunity to try the things I wanted to so when I finally did, I failed. Then the cycle repeated.  Pent up energy, erratically try something, fail, do nothing.    

When dealing with a beast, it will run free unless we tame it, and it can be tamed in one of two ways—slaughter it or train it.  I know I don’t want to kill any of these qualities inside of me, so the answer is to harness that energy.  It has nothing to do with stopping the energy, it isn’t even about slowing it down.  It’s about directing it where it needs to go so it can be unleashed and do everything it wants to do, exactly what it is meant to do..  All of these things I want that constantly chaotically run through my mind need to be harnessed into the seed that can be tended and allowed to grow.  I’ve worked with animals my whole life and I instinctually and instantly knew it wasn’t about stopping them from doing/being what they are.  It’s about working with it.  Instead of taking “it” out of them, we teach them to be exactly what they are while learning what not to hurt, and we always remember they are wild.  We need to learn to expect he same of ourselves.           

The beautiful part of all this is that I understand I have many beasts inside of me.  While there are things that may hold me back, there are things that propel me infinitely forward. I have a beast of pure joy, love, and creativity.  A beast that sees limitless possibilities for this world and has so many ideas it wants to share.  So much information to share to make people love themselves and open themselves to creativity.  I have a beast that would defend anyone it loves to the end no matter what that looks like or what it does to itself.  I have a beast that loves so fiercely it has wounded itself looking for the same love.  I have a beast that intensely wants the best for everyone, to make everyone happy, that wants to show everyone how to be happy.  I have a beast that simply needs to be heard.  I wouldn’t trade any of that for the world.  The beast that survives is the one we feed so I’m choosing every one of them in this last paragraph.  I will starve out the others.  What a magnificent creature that will become.