Today I am grateful for a slap in the face.  Sometimes when we try to change we get caught up in what we are doing.  Especially if we have a proclivity for fixation.  I’ve been so fixated on the changes I’ve been trying to make that I haven’t taken into consideration the integration of it.  I’ve jumped right to doing and expecting others to do the same.  I’ve been scared about external circumstances I can’t control so I fell right back into trying to control everything around me.  Some of it is about me stepping back and expecting people to step up and when it hasn’t happened I’ve fallen into frustration and anger.  Other things are about not understanding where people are coming from, how they can forget certain things etc.  I’ve had some power struggles with my kid lately and I was just given his report card. He has done beautifully.  So much more than the effort I’ve seen at home.  I can’t get so caught up in what I think things should look like that I forget there are new ways to do things now.  Some of it I may not be meant to understand, I just have to let it be.  But I’m glad for this reminder that all is well, that I need to accept more. 

Today I am grateful for opportunities.  There truly come moments in life where the opportunity comes out of left field.  Sometimes it’s hard to see an opportunity as such when you aren’t expecting it to look a certain way.  Sometimes the universe gets creative, in my experience when I’ve been in some fairly desperate moments.  Then it literally feels like the lifeline is being extended—but up until that moment it can feel like we are about to drown, like the land will never be in sight again.  In those situations, we certainly wouldn’t refuse any type of help, even if it’s a piece of driftwood floating by.  We’d cling to it.  So we need to keep our eyes open and be grateful for all the opportunities that come our way.  You never know which one will be the exact thing you’re looking for. 

Today I am grateful for intuition.  Along with opportunity there are situations where our body and our instincts cue us to something going on.  Even if we can’t tell specifically what it is, our body’s are often aware of something being off before we are.  Sometimes our ability to perceive that issue is dulled because humans have great capacity to ignore their intuition and to convince themselves that what they feel is second to what they see.  Eyes lie, my friends.  We were given instincts for a reason and if something is telling us that something is wrong, we need to learn to believe that.  The last week has provided some interesting developments in my professional world, none of it substantiated, but every fiber of my being is screaming that something is happening, something is coming—and certain people around me are savvy/privy to information that isn’t being shared with the whole group.  In that regard, we have the choice to ignore it and take it in stride until the ball drops, we can behave as if we are waiting for the other shoe to drop (living in fear), or we can be proactive and trust it—dig a bit more or start making some moves to change.  I spent the majority of my life allowing others to decide what information I was worthy of knowing.  At 40 years old, that isn’t a game I’m willing to play any longer.  I have no choice but to trust my instincts, and I respect myself enough to know when respect is no longer on the table.  I choose to trust my intuition.  I do not take that for granted.

Today I am grateful for redefining my focus and efforts.  As the life I knew slowly fades away, I find myself diving in differently with this one.  I spent a lot of time curating this life, attaining the things I have in my home, the things I wanted to surround myself with.  Even the people I choose to have around me.  How I behave and eat.  Walking into a new life means I am on unfamiliar territory and I don’t always know how to behave.  I don’t know how this version of me reacts to certain things yet.  Old habits still rest just below the surface and I need to be very cautious and cognizant of what I’m thinking/saying/feeling.  But I am able to lean into that new version of myself more easily than I have before. 

Today I am grateful for the chaos and clutter.  This doesn’t mean I’m inviting chaos and cutter in my life but the last few weeks have made me look at it differently.  While there has been so much stuff around it was difficult to think at times, and it was also indicative of me trying to hold onto things in a certain way, the truth is there is something more to the clutter.  Yes, it actually did provide me some level of mental protection, a barrier and a refuge when I really needed it.  Then there is the actual component of having it: I’ve led such a beautiful life and I have been privileged enough to be able to accumulate that type of clutter.  I have created a life where I brought in all of these things around me through my own work and effort.  At each moment those were exactly the things I wanted.  Each little thing that rests here is a little thing I wanted to remember.  I am blessed to have been able to create the chaos and clutter.  I will never say it didn’t need organization, but the effort I put in at the time had a purpose and it was served.  I am grateful I was able to do that and still be able to redefine what I need. 

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.