I love seeing my husband become himself.  This isn’t something I thought I would be happy about because I’ve experienced a different side of this.  When my husband was out to find himself down other avenues as we’ve grown together, it has nearly always ended in some type of trouble, normally financially related.  He has a tendency to think that the answer is always in acquiring and spending and then not wanting to take responsibility for it.  But this time is completely different.  Yes, he is still spending money but he is much more thoughtful about it.  The thing that is really important this time around is that he has found a group of people with a different set of values—and a clear set of values—that seems to be shifting him.  And he seems to have found his niche.  My husband has always had the ability to be at home literally anywhere he goes.  He is an adapter and he is REALLY good at connecting with people and it has always made me a bit jealous, but this again is a different awareness of himself, of his abilities.  It’s like something triggered in his primal brain about being able to provide and he is proud that he recognizes he has been able to do it all along. 

While I can’t say I’m for the action of what he’s doing (he’s hunting so it makes me a bit sad for the animals), I know this is something he genuinely enjoys and he loves the people he is doing it with. It makes me feel really good seeing him do something he enjoys because I’m not sure he ever found what he liked.  He spent so much time numbing himself in unhealthy ways that he never took the time to find that thing that brought him joy.  I feel like he never wanted to do that because he was afraid he’d never get it.  Now he sees more of what he is capable of.  He is learning to trust and that means learning to trust himself too, seeing what he is capable of doing, that he can build the life he wants.  Learning new things about the person he wants to be.  That is 100% worth it. It really is a beautiful thing to see someone come into their own and find their element, their niche.  Confidence is a sexy thing and it’s contagious.         

It makes me want to be the person I want to be as well.  Stop playing small or holding myself back.  Fear is a bitch, anxiety is obnoxious, and insecurity is a bastard.  Those things are the killers of any dream or any happiness.  That’s the whole point—we have to learn to trust ourselves in spite of (and because of) our fear, anxiety, and insecurity.  All it takes is actively getting out there and doing the work to see what we want to do and what we are capable of doing.  When we do that work, it shines a light for others to do the same, it inspires others to do the same. So in finding ourselves, we are helping others find their way as well. We are helping people be who they are meant to be, help them feel better, help them feel supported.  Help people find what they want in life and be a resource to help them get there.  So as selfish as it may sound at times, watching him is a reminder to keep myself on the right track as well. We all need reminders that we can do it.  It’s ok to need that reminder every now and then.  The key is to take that reminder and take action on what we want.  Roy Bennet says, “Learn to light a candle in the darkest moments of someone’s life.  Be the light that helps others see; it is what gives life its deepest significance”.  Don’t be afraid to be the light for someone else, and don’t be afraid to ask to sit in someone’s light for a while—the candle doesn’t dim when we light someone else’s, the light gets brighter.