I want to share a piece written by Ashmi Pathela—I have nothing to add to this one. Enjoy…..
“You are anchoring more light every day and this means you are anchoring more trust. The highest timeline is the one in which you surrender and trust the flow of life to bring you exactly what you need when you need it. The part of you that wants to control and plan is the part of you that is hanging on to the limitations and you cannot create what is next for you in that energy. It is confusing to the mind because the mind says, ‘If I let go then nothing will get done’. And this is the cosmic conundrum. The key is to start playing with the what ifs—not with your fears as you have done many times before but with the possibilities. What if it all works out better than I can imagine. What if it all comes in more easily and magically than I expect. What if letting go, not trying to let go but truly trusting is the portal to it all…. The path of force is no longer the way you wish to experience life….you wish to remember that you are the entire universe and you can command your quantum field. And most of all you wish to take a break once and for all from the exhausting hamster wheel of your mind, because you know there is another way. You can trust that it is all coming together without you mentally forcing everything into place because your true self is orchestrating it. The more you let go, the better the flow. The more you trust, the more you will be given to trust. The more you open to the divine in you the more you will see that nothing is out of place. It is actually harder to truly let yourself be than do. And it takes a lot more courage. IT takes much more power to resist the momentum of doing and rushing which has accelerated over lifetimes. You felt comfortable and safe doing it the old way. But what looks like inaction to the outer world is true action. First coming into stillness to be able to hear your inner guidance your own heart beat. It takes time to practice this, to honor this, to choose to trust your heart all while letting go. Of course when you feel nudged, you will take action. This is not about doing nothing, but the action will feel like it is moving through you, inspiring you to move. It will not come from the mind, trying to think of the next thing, the next step. IT will just come and you will know. Your true power of creation lies in the zero point field, in the now moment. In the still ness of your being, in the frequency of holding the trust. And doing this actually takes more effort than mentally and physically spinning your wheels doing everything, trying to figure it all out. Its actually harder to slow down the relentless urge to do more and be more and instead choose to trust,” Ashmi Pathela.
“Be so calm about it that it ends up working itself out. Sometimes you just need to surrender it and enter the trusting phase to allow things to come together for you,” Idil Ahmed. This one is short and sweet: let it all go. Let the emotion go and learn to feel into our bodies. There are things in this world, this universe that we will never understand. They simply operate as they are, and they do it without our input. We are gifted energy that allows us to create and do something new, but the universe will continue moving with or without our action. Spending time trying to control every detail, the way things look, the way people see us is a waste of time, and frankly, a waste of that energy we are gifted. We need to put it to good use and we do that in letting go of how it happens, when it happens. We learn to celebrate our wins and the wins of others because we learn there is no real winning. We progress when we advance ourselves and develop the talents we were gifted. We progress even more when we learn to harness it and come together with others. Energy spent on anxiety and worry is a waste of time. We just have to trust that all will come together as it is meant to—because it will—and it doesn’t have to look at all like what you expect.
The amazing thing about life is that there is this process of discovery. We often talk about rock bottom in reference to a low point where we know we need to turn around, suggesting we can climb out. But as I continue this journey in life, it feels more like there are never ending layers of information, things to discover about ourselves. It isn’t just an inward journey where we have to get to the core, it builds outward as well. The universe operates infinitely inward and outward—there truly is no end. The more experiences we have in life, the more layers we add, the more we have to learn from. As we learn more, we decide more about what we want and we start taking actions toward that goal. There is always more; more we can develop in ourselves, more we can learn and build. I used to look at life as something to figure out, something with a specific destination and that was who we were. The truth is we are constantly changing and shifting direction. We can become anything we want to at any time. We are allowed to integrate and take our experiences and make them something else. I’ve always tried to keep the outer layer shiny and clean, something palatable and acceptable to other people. When we only care about what we look like, we lose the depth within. We have to go further and further in until we find the depts of who we are and then we have to allow that to expand infinitely outward like a ripple to the universe. The process of discovery is creation.
Our evolution is never really complete. The more we listen, the more we find. The fact that we have this genetic makeup with this ability to relate to our thoughts and experiences and feelings gives us an incredibly unique experience. It’s physical and carnal but a result of cerebral output. It means we have a limitless portal in our minds—we can truly become anything we want and then we can become something new. We can embrace our lives and redefine them. I’ve made the same mistake so many do in this self-help journey: I’ve tried to define it. Yes, we need boundaries and we need parameters so we can better define the journey and know our limits. But the truth is that we need to work on destroying those limits and allow ourselves to operate outside a single definition. We aren’t one thing—we truly are limitless. The mind has the capacity to create literally ANYTHING—we need to find ways to bring it into the physical reality. To that end, because we are limitless, we don’t have an end point. Self-discovery doesn’t have an endpoint. Self-help is about maintaining our ability to create the life we want without shame or fear—to always live in that alchemic zone of creation. We have the opportunity to become whatever we want to through embracing who we are, dedication, and focus.
Life isn’t designed for us to end in a shiny package, pretty, but desiccated and unused. We are meant to be full of joy, love, excitement, life. We are meant to show the wear of our stories, each line a mark of a memory we etched in the confines of our skin. Sure, looking pretty is nice, but it’s also pretty boring. Restrictive. And from personal experience, I can say with 1000000% certainty that looking good isn’t indicative of a damn thing that occurs beneath the surface. Anyone can create the image that something looks good—the truth is that the prettiest packages can conceal some of the darkest secrets. We need to remember that making something look good doesn’t mean it IS good. That isn’t to say a lotus can’t come from the mud. In fact, that is the point of this piece: we need to enjoy the process of discovery and going deep enough to find where the lotus blooms. Allow it to emerge from each of us: don’t be afraid of the dark or the light. Simply use each for what it is. The darkness protects the fragility of who we are and the light brings that element out of us. Let it unfold, through the mud and all. And have fun learning along the way. Don’t pinpoint an end date because when we stop learning and experiencing life, we are dead. Just enjoy the journey along the way.
“We need to feel we are worthy of a good life in order to make a better decision,” Aleksandra Cummings. Aleks shared this during a training she gave us last week. We all struggle with worth at some point. We have all settled for less than we deserve and we have all questioned what we deserve. When we design our lives, we need to remember that there are no limits, and that includes no limits to our worth. Once we can wrap our heads around the concept of infinite creation, we can work on our concept of self-worth. Worth is a subjective term. We all have different ideas of what things are worth. We have different ideas of what we are worth. There is no way to truly value a human being. Society tries to downplay or even ignore inherent worth, suggesting we need something about us to determine that value. We have inherent worth and we have the ability to use our gifts and talents (and the ability to develop those gifts and talents) to bring unlimited value to other people. Based on that definition, I’m not sure we can or even need to define what a person is worth, or frankly even spend time thinking about it. We need to spend more time appreciating each other. The more we live in appreciation, the more opportunities we see. And that is how we make better decisions.
I struggle with the concept of “Deserving.” I’ve been one of those people who believed that if something exists, we all have the potential to get it. I operated under the belief that the effort got you the result. I never took into account the fact that there are certain circumstances that are skewed against people, I simply believed that if someone wanted something they just needed to work for it and they would get whatever they desired. Then I saw and experienced the disparity in the world. The results I was promised for the work I did never came through. The life I was promised for the things I sacrificed never showed up. Was part of that lack of clarity on my part? Was it because some of those goals weren’t really mine at the deepest level? Yes. But the truth is that this system tells us we can have everything but it doesn’t tell us who it is designed for. It doesn’t tell us who the system favors. It doesn’t tell us the sacrifices and work necessary to get it—or that sometimes sacrificing those things still won’t get us there, even if we give up who we are. It doesn’t tell us we need to give up identity to receive and even at the cost of ourselves, the payout may not come. It’s clever because it bases the idea of worth on what a person does and makes them responsible for the “failure” or lack of results. If we didn’t get it, the effort we put in wasn’t good enough when the reality is there is some Oz figure behind the curtain granting wishes and access based on how he feels that day.
The truth is we all deserve the best this life can offer. We all deserve to achieve our goals and dreams. We are all worthy of what we want. Some desires are universal but we are meant to be the architects and alchemists in our lives, not copies of someone else’s dream. It’s just convenient if we forget that and it’s easy to ostracize those who don’t fit that definition and blame them. We can’t let opinions and interpretations from others, what others tell us we are worth define that for us. We are infinite beings and we need to remember that we are worth anything that comes to mind. If we have the idea we are worthy of it, we are meant to have it, we are meant to bring it forth into our lives and into the universe. All of our work, while it may be focused on the self, is designed to create abundance for us that we share with others. We are meant to share our skills and information and create a world without limits or hierarchy or rules for accessing resources and information that is readily available for all. If someone tries to block us, that is an action of ego. When we block ourselves, that is self-doubt. We may have no control over the former, but we can certainly work on the latter and create an environment where we aren’t waiting for someone to give us access. Believe, my friends, and more than believing, feel in our core the weight of our worth and the energy of our being. Bring it out and let that light, the joy of an idea coming to life radiate into the universe. That feeling wins over anything.
Photo by Dan Cristian Pu0103dureu021b on Pexels.com
Today I am grateful for the zone. Rob Dyrdek talks about abundance and flow in terms of entering a zone where time slips away—Joe Dispenza talks about the same thing. A lot of people talk about entering the zone whether in regards to creative pursuits, sports, other work etc. and how the energy, time, and thought move differently. Our minds operate and perceive differently. I’ve been working on a group for my mom friends for a while. It’s something I’ve wanted to do for them as a way to create built-in support. We are all busy women who need to take care of our homes, families, businesses/jobs, and ourselves. While I was planning this, I felt something come over me and idea upon idea came out, just filling me with more and more warmth and joy as I kept going. The more I wrote, the more came out, the more ideas I had to help and create an open space, the more ideas came to me. In what felt like an instant, I had a ton of things written down and I felt lighter. The zone is an incredibly powerful space to be. When we strive for more in our lives, that is a place of abundance and joy.
Today I am grateful to integrate and understand. While I was having lunch with a colleague the other day, I started feeling funny (dizzy, jittery, anxious) in a way I haven’t felt before. It felt like I needed to crawl out of my skin so I checked my heart rate—it was at 109 BPM. I’d been really confused and frustrated and scared and this was the result of waiting for someone to make a decision on my life and me falling into old habits instead of doing the work I needed to do. As I’m learning about what feels right for me and trying to apply this quantum way of thinking (Thank you Joe Dispenza), I’m understanding my needs more and that learning something new means unlearning what I used to know—and that means really letting it go, not repeating the pattern. As I was getting ready to go out on our first date in nearly 6 years with my husband, I saw my body differently; initially I was sad, angry and disappointed, but I heard a voice say this version of you got you where you are now. Suddenly I felt appreciation instead of disgust. I looked in the mirror and I said, “Thank you for what you’ve done to get me here. It’s time for me to do something else.” I realized that I needed to grow and that means accepting help and actually doing what needs to be done instead of thinking about it. It’s the application of the lesson. I can’t hate myself because all that I went through got me here. I need to love myself and that means being grateful for what I’ve done. It means accepting my worth, accepting help and love, and accepting responsibility to take the actions necessary to get where I want to go. If I want something different I need to feel something different and do something different.
Today I am grateful for sharing energy. My husband and I have been talking about various projects around the house for ages but we weren’t moving on any of them. Before anyone gets judgy, when I say “ages,” I want to clarify that we’ve talked about it for 3 years—it’s not like I was getting anxious after a few days. Things I needed done in my area (storage and living in the basement) were contingent on moving things around in his area (the garage). I didn’t want to make decisions and move ahead with moving his tools or anything else without his input otherwise I would have done it myself. It definitely felt overwhelming looking at the amount of stuff that needed doing—but once it started, my husband entered his zone. Next thing I know, insulation and drywall are up in the garage, peg board is hanging and the tools are going up. Every day he’d work in there and it keeps getting better and better. The energy is contagious and he admitted it felt good to focus and get things done. Plus it was a great example that he was supported and people would help him—friends/neighbors and me. It’s really just about taking that first step.
Today I am grateful for generosity and kindness. I grew up with a family that, while helpful amongst each other, still had the undertone that anything that happened was our responsibility. Meaning, the learning curve for most every day things was pretty steep. They’d help you with something but it would be on their terms in their way. Again, it wasn’t to leave you high and dry, it was just their way of making people accountable. It made it easier to just do most things on my own until I really needed help. Asking for help made me feel weak, like I should be able to handle it all on my own—whatever it is. So when I found this group of friends and they started telling me they would help me with stuff like watching my kid so my husband and I could go out, or when I had my kid and my sister told me the same thing, I never knew how to ask or accept that. It always felt like there was something else behind it, some unspoken expectation of like, ok I’ll help you but then you need to do x for me. Completely in my head, but it was the guilt complex that carried over—I felt I needed to be responsible for my child. Last night we had a lovely meal with friends to celebrate one of the birthdays and my sister watched my son. It was an incredible evening filled with laughter, joy, and love. My son had a great time with his cousin, my sister got tiramisu, and we had a ton of fun with friends.
Today I am grateful for a new start—with a new definition of what that looks like. I’ve had a few points in my life that I would consider a new start. Whether it was health related or trying a new discipline in the morning or how I spoke with people/managed my emotions, I would start strong and eventually give up. I’d get too lax with myself and would easily fall back into whatever the old habit was. Whenever we face something new or decide we want something new, the universe has this little way of testing us to see if we are going to stick with it, to see if we really want what we say we want—change isn’t easy, so I don’t think it’s a malicious thing, I think it’s an, “are you sure?” type of thing. When it comes to integration, sharing energy, trusting people, and accepting help without guilt (all the things I’ve learned this week), I finally understood what was holding me back: my idea of the how when it came to how things happened for me, the fear of change, and lack of clarity. If we don’t know what we want then we don’t know what steps to take to get there so we fall into old habits, if we control and obsess over how and when something comes, we ignore opportunities we should take, and if we give into the fear of the unknown, we never expand into something new.
Last week was Valentine’s day. It’s a holiday my husband and I don’t celebrate in the traditional sense. Ironically, in spite of all the issues we’ve had over the years, we learned long ago that saving the love/adoration for each other for one day is dangerous. There are at least 364 other days in the year (this year happens to be a leap year so we get one more 😊) so why do we save it for a single day in February or one in October? We can express love every day—and we should. Even if we are good at sharing and expressing love throughout the year, over-hyping love on one day is also dangerous and we get skewed ideas of what love is “supposed” to look like. People have different definitions of love which means they feel and express love differently. Some people do like things more over the top and overt while others value the little things and quiet expressions of love. Some like both. No matter your preference, what we don’t need is a consumer-driven, mass-fed delusion of things to demonstrate our love. We need to really look at what love is and what it means.
At its basic level, love is a chemical reaction in the brain. What it triggers in the body varies for each of us. The chemicals of love are also wide ranging on their impact, whether it be mental, verbal, or physical expression. But there is more to love than that. Love is about connection and bonding. It’s easy to misinterpret at times and can be overwhelming with its nuances and details. But what I’ve learned of late is that we truly do need to spend more time working on loving ourselves—as we are, for who we are. Self-love means truly valuing your own wellbeing and happiness. It means showing up for and championing ourselves. It means letting go of judgement, regret, and negative self-talk. It means embracing our authenticity. It means offering ourselves the same level of kindness, patience, and forgiveness that we offer so freely to others and maintaining boundaries that support who we are. There’s the physical and mental component of this and we need to honor both.
The longest relationship we will ever have is with ourself so this means we really need to take the time to get to know who we are and how we operate. We need to know what makes us tick, how we are motivated, and how we recognize and honor our needs. This isn’t something we can do one or two days a year—and we certainly don’t need to buy ourselves candy or flowers to learn this. It’s a critical component to survival—we find our groups that way, our people. We learn to sustain ourselves and what we need to be fulfilled. We can’t operate with the expectation that someone will fulfill those needs for us. The more we take care of ourselves, the less we will need a day of focus on the overt, commercial expressions of love. This isn’t to say that there isn’t value in spending a day like that, but it shouldn’t be based on consumerist expectations. Take time to invest in and cultivate a relationship with the self because that is where we manage and navigate those chemicals that tell us we are in love. Focus that love on ourselves first and we will never need that from another person again. In short, self-love is the ability to honor and prioritize who we are without shame, guilt, or regret. Chocolates and flowers only required if we are craving them.
“Big dreams create the magic that stir men’s souls to greatness,” Bill McCartney. What a perfect follow up to our discussion on tiptoeing. It is human nature to dream big—we feel the calling to do something with our lives that we can’t always identify at first. It’s a thought that creates a feeling, a drive for us. But there is more to it than merely thinking of big things: we need to bring those dreams/visions to life. We can’t realize big dreams if we don’t dive fully into our lives. Big dreams inspire action, and all action has an impact on the energy around us—it makes waves. When we have an idea we start to feel a surge of creative energy inside of us and that energy needs to be expressed. If we merely walk through life standing on our toes, we lose the full effect of what we can be because we minimize our impact. This world is designed for us to create, to funnel our energy into creation. It isn’t meant for us to stand on the sidelines hoping and wishing for something to happen. In the pursuit of big dreams we may find ourselves guided toward something else, another big dream, or even just refining the dream we have. It is the thought of something bigger that inspires us to take action.
As we discussed yesterday, we need the confidence to take action and assurance in our step. We can’t develop our confidence if we aren’t using the full weight of our being. No, things don’t always turn out how we expect them to, but as we learn to trust our abilities, we learn to adapt and refine the dream and we learn to apply those lessons to that dream. So many things in this world have begun with the question of “what if” or “wouldn’t it be cool if” or even, “I think this would make it easier.” Truthfully we never know how wide-ranging our ideas may have an impact—but if we don’t act on them or if we continue to act with restraint, we will never see the full impact regardless. We need to trust that if we have an idea, we are meant to see it to fruition. All of this is to say that we aren’t meant to shy away from the things that inspire us because that may inspire others as well. Simply sharing our action and our story may inspire people to go after their own idea/story as well. The universe loves action and creation. We aren’t meant to simply be cogs in this machine—a machine that, to be totally fair, was an invention as well. As I’ve said before, if we created that machine, we can re-create it as well.
Creation is the alchemy of an idea, passion, faith, and action. But all of that requires us to respond to that call with curiosity and follow through. We should never ignore what our own heart/soul is telling us. We should never take a half-hearted swing at what could create an entirely new trajectory for our lives. We need to go for it. The universe may not give us all the exact grand design of the dreams that we envision in our brains, but it will allow us to realize what we are capable of. It will grant us the confidence to create more and to dream more. I will add a caveat to this as well: we must not confuse greatness with popularity. Some of the greatest ideas may not be the most popular or far-reaching, but just because they don’t have a world-wide reach doesn’t mean they aren’t great. They were great to be realized for those who needed it. We get to define greatness. Anything that makes us happy and fulfilled, anything that puts us in the zone of creativity and purpose is great. No one need bear witness to that to make it worthy/valid. We need to define that worth for ourselves. So go after the dream that creates greatness in our lives and make it as grand as we want. Let it take over and see how great it can be.
“Tiptoeing through life is causing problems…put your feet flat,” Tabitha Brown. Tab shared a message that we need to stop tiptoeing through life because toe-walking causes weakness, imbalance, and strain throughout the body. The same is said when we don’t commit to living, more specifically, to living our purpose. We can’t dance around the edges hoping that something will come of it—we need to dive in. Last week I shared a video I made on IG about diving in. I said when we wade through life, going half in and half out, the universe can’t pick up on the frequency we are sending out. I understand the hesitance we feel: we don’t want to commit to something when we can’t see what’s coming. But if we never dive in, we never learn to swim. Similarly, if we only ever tiptoe through life, never making a noise and skimming the periphery, we never learn our own rhythm. We never learn to walk to our own beat and, if we can’t walk, we certainly will never learn to dance—and we are meant to dance.
I’ve learned that if we don’t start moving, we will never move and we never experience the fulfilment of discovering all we are capable of. It’s tempting to sit on the couch of life and observe others, criticizing what they are doing, or wishing we could do it. But if we never DO it, then nothing will happen. For a long time I thought it was impressive to not make waves but in doing so, I lost my identity. When we stop making waves we stop living because the definition of living is making waves. We send out energy and ripples into the universe with everything we do, it is simply the nature of living. Doing nothing may keep things calm, but we will never experience all that life can be. I found it interesting in speaking of the physical act of tiptoeing the amount of physical issues that arose from it. I mean, it wasn’t surprising because I have a background in body work, but hearing the reminder and seeing how the body literally gets off balance is a sobering thing. It is the same with life except it’s our energy signature that gets disturbed.
As we develop confidence and assurance in our own step, we can put our weight behind it and follow through. We are less concerned with the noise we are making than we are about ensuring it is heard. As our confidence grows, we don’t mind being heard when we step through with ourselves. We can let go of ego and worry and stand firmly in our decisions or learn from them. So make decisions. Make Choices. Make the effort. Take the chance. All of those things create confidence in who we are and our abilities. Suddenly the sounds we make are intentional and we move with ease. Whatever metaphor you want to use, we learn how to dance or swim as we practice the steps. For some of us learning to take the first step is enough. That is a challenge in itself. For others we want to develop our skills and we refine the choreography. While some dancers are light-footed, I’ve never seen one who didn’t leave a mark. So make your mark and let your life come into balance. We will feel better physically and mentally.
“The truth is this: by learning from your mistakes and experiences and by evolving through them, you practice the greatest form of self-love which is to grow,” unknown. “Mistakes” is a broad term and a matter of interpretation—we can choose how we define it. Some people are gifted with the ability to look at any situation in life as an opportunity. We aren’t all going for the same goals so things that might appear to impede some won’t impede others—not everything matters in the same way to everyone. If we’re not planning on being a professional athlete, then it doesn’t matter if we don’t try out for any sports, you know? What is true, regardless of defining a situation as a mistake or not, is what we allow ourselves to experience and how we interpret that experience determines what we get from it. I struggled with letting go of my ego and expectations and the thought patterns those habits created. I firmly believed I knew what was “right.” I didn’t ever want to veer from that course because it was known and safe. But it still felt wrong.
By repeating patterns that I’d learned from my family and developed through my experiences, I was inhibiting my own growth. I wasn’t getting anything new—I wasn’t even able to replicate what those around me had. So I was quite literally getting no where—not on their track or my own. I had misinterpreted the point of life as repeating what I knew to perfection. It wasn’t until many years later that I understood there might be a different purpose: learning and alchemizing this information into a broader, more universal lesson—and in some instances, a more personal lesson. Perhaps a more precise lesson on letting go of what we know and integrating it to learn something new. To become something new. Habits and thought patterns like we’ve been talking about this week are beneficial when it comes to survival because the brain thrives in the known—it’s easier to recognize when something is different/a threat when it doesn’t match the patterns we know. But it inhibits us from spreading our wings—and we have spent millennia learning to fly.
As we learn to adapt and create new experiences, we create new thought patterns. We can redefine how we look at mistakes, and we can redefine what a mistake is. Humans are indeed meant to grow and evolve. When we allow ourselves to be our most authentic self, we are evolving not only ourselves, but the world. We are bringing new ideas and perspectives to the world. This isn’t a punitive thing. This is a spiritual thing. This is a learning curve and no one knows how high the bell is set. We simply need to live our lives and share what we know. A mistake isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes things have to go wrong so we know which way to pivot so they can go right. Growth isn’t always easy and it certainly isn’t pain-free. Change is hard and requires a lot of dirty work. But it is all worth it. Rising from the darkness requires a lot of pushing through the dirt and ash. But once we reach the top, we feel the light and we bloom. Don’t inhibit ourselves because we think we veered in the wrong direction. Simply keep pushing forward and allow the course to correct. As we allow ourselves to be who we are and to fulfill our highest purpose, we learn what love is: the unconditional welcoming and acceptance of who we are. How evolutionary/revolutionary of us.
“Do not allow negative thoughts to roam free, unregulated and unmanaged. Take ownership of them and start to practice managing your thoughts so that they can work for you rather than against you,” unknown. Control of the mind is truly one of the most difficult things to master. Our thought patterns become set based on how we feel. We associate how we feel with the thought and soon we train ourselves that our thoughts must be how we feel. I’m paraphrasing Joe Dispenza where he talks about changing how we feel through managing our thoughts. We can’t let our bodies dictate our thoughts. That isn’t to say we ignore our bodies and what they tell us, but we need to understand the power we have to shift the feelings in our body. So many of those feelings are temporary and they only become permanent because we continue to wire our thoughts that way. The same is said for our thoughts. We respond with the same patterns and soon we are thinking the same thing in similar situations or we are repeating the same situation over and over again. We have so much more say than we are trained to think we do.
Managing thoughts begins with recognition and awareness. I know certain events from earlier in my relationship with my husband cemented responses I still have to this day. I didn’t realize how impactful it was and I didn’t realize how much I repeated it. Honestly it expanded even to simple things: expectations on dishes, laundry, and caring for the house. For example, my husband gets home significantly earlier than I do so my expectation was helping a bit around the house (not on a daily basis, but not having to be told what needs doing). I’d find myself thinking the same resentful thoughts every day when I’d get home and see that the things that needed doing weren’t getting done. I had to stop and ask myself why those things even bothered me in the first place. Does it really matter if the dishes are in the sink an extra evening? Doing so freed up space in my mind–Granted I still get irritated because any help is appreciated, so it’s not just because I have this expectation that isn’t fulfilled.
I started asking where else I allow thoughts to run free like that. While driving. While at work. While waiting in the drop off line at my son’s school. When interacting with friends and family. When interacting with people at the grocery store. The more I worked through the list it was clear how often I was thinking negative thoughts—and more importantly, how often they were automatic. I’d spent so much time with these thoughts they were the track my brain followed. And I wondered why I had felt negative and exhausted for so long. The world wasn’t working the way my brain thought it should, the way I had been taught to expect it to work, and all of those things created stress for me (now I see it wasn’t real stress) and that turned into negative thoughts. This was how powerful unregulated thoughts are in the body. Not only do we think them before we can stop them, we feel them, and whenever we are in similar situations, we are triggered to feel the same way again. Gaining control of our thoughts helps us gain control over our lives. When we can put aside expectation and accept what is, we can limit the neural permanency we create through beliefs and thoughts that are likely not even originating from us. If we find ourselves in the same situation repeatedly, start asking where our thought patterns come from and why we feel the need to continue to think that way. Asking the question opens the door to an entire new way of thinking, one that feels infinitely more open, aligned, and authentic. It all begins with the mind.
The Intentional Dreamer 