I find myself thinking about this New Year in a new way.  I’ve never been one of those new year, new me type of people—well maybe a long time ago.  But this year I’m seeing the patterns I need to break and where I need to be both harder and softer with myself.  While driving home last Friday, I saw that I parked really wonky in the driveway.  There had been a car following close behind me so I pulled in quickly and didn’t correct to pull over more.  That simple action made me realize that I’m always looking behind me, adjusting to those after me, or I’m giving into other people’s opinions and trying to adjust to meet their needs.  I never took the time to accept myself, I took the time to make myself palatable to anyone around me.  I love the space I take up.  I love that I am allowed to take up space and I will continue to do so.  I become myself by honoring myself.  This year I want to work on continuing to embrace me and welcoming those little nuances of who I am. 

There is beauty and simplicity in accepting who we are. There is an ease in accepting who we are. I want to make my plans and work on that without letting other people derail me.  I want to plan and execute and allow the good in, the sexiness, the creativity.  I want to feel it all.  I want to dance my own dance and feel my flow.  I’m done being pushed into things I don’t really want to do or being made to feel wrong even when I’m right.  I’m done trying to fit into places that aren’t me, or having to make myself jagged to fit into the hole cut for me.  I am more than ready and more than capable of making decisions for myself and honoring them, of seeing them through and becoming who I am meant to be.  It’s not so much about becoming, it’s about shedding what I am not.  Seeking comfort is giving into the idea that our safety is more important than being who we are.  That we can’t be safe in who we are so we have to create and wear armor.  Our safety comes from being who we are and trusting everything about ourselves.

For this new year one of my goals is to simply embrace.  I’m done trying to force an outcome, a certain way of being.  I’m tired of rejecting myself because I haven’t lived up to the arbitrary and unspoken expectations of someone else—so not only have I “failed” in their eyes, they never even told me what I wanted.  I’m done playing games and staying in environments where mind-reading is a requirement.  I’m done with equating my value to someone else’s ideas about me instead of who I actually am.  I want joy to take precedence.  I want quality time with the people I love to be priority.  I want my purpose to drive my days.  I want love and acceptance to be my baseline so I feel peace in who I am.  All of that comes with acceptance and love.  So this year is about opening and accepting instead of all the doing.  Don’t get me wrong, 2023 taught me the value of doing, of getting off my butt and starting the damn thing.  But life isn’t about that constant push.  Sometimes it’s about slowing down and asking if this is what we need to be doing in the moment.  Now it’s about aligning and being—the rest falls into place.  I’m ready to simply be.  Whatever comes of it, I welcome that with open arms.