“When your mind knows it won’t quit, the body will adapt.  Don’t stop when you’re tired, stop when you’re done,” David Goggins.  I believe I’ve spoken about something similar to this before because there is an innate difference between stopping when the task is finished and stopping when we tell ourselves we need to.  Now, I am not encouraging ignoring the body’s limits in any way—this is where I slightly disagree with Mr. Goggins because there are in fact times when pushing forward is detrimental to both mental and physical health–but I am encouraging an honest evaluation of those limits and whether or not it is the mind telling us to stop or if we reached the point of fatigue/failure on the action.  Being this fresh into the new year we need to learn the key: it isn’t to dive right into new actions that we aren’t adapted to and then giving up because it’s too hard to maintain.  We need to work no honestly meeting ourselves where we are and setting the goal to incrementally move forward without stopping.

In the game of growth and change, development and improvement, the key is to keep moving.  Rest, yes, stopping, no.  The limits we set are internal and can just as easily help us fly or cement us in place if we aren’t honest about what we are doing and where we want to go.  I spent a lot of time offering advice that I didn’t live myself.  I was scared and thought my job was to maintain the life I had until I was able to transition fully into the life I wanted.  Looking at it now I see that I truly didn’t feel worthy of being the person I wanted to be.  I wanted to help people get there but I didn’t know how to follow the steps myself so I stopped working on it.  I see now that I missed out on growing sooner because of the limits I set.  We cut ourselves short when we do things like that.  The truth is we can’t live with one foot on either side of the equation.  We need to fully commit and that is the type of not quitting that ultimately underlies what Goggins is talking about.

We are capable of so much more than we think we are and if we consistently eliminate the negative discussion and question about when we need to stop and about our ability to adopt and adapt the behavior we want, the sooner we are able to fully embrace the life and behaviors we DO want.  Stepping into the energy we want and matching that flow opens up an endless source of movement and effort.  We become unstoppable and tireless when we accept the flow of who we are.  We will always feel tired, like it’s an uphill battle when it comes to doing things not aligned with who we are.  Remember, the effort we put toward tending what we think we should do versus what we want to do is the same but the results are different.  Choose which side needs to be cultivated and put all of our effort toward that.  That’s how we don’t quit, that is how we sustain and maintain the energy to get the results we want.  Adapt to flow and it all gets done.

The most loving people are the most truthful, not the nicest.  Niceness can cover viciousness rooted in fear. When we are devoted to loving ourselves and bridging our humanity with our divinity, we need truth.  We need to be fine being seen as the villain if it means staying true to our hearts.  I spent so much time being what others expected of me because I was raised to put my desires aside and help others at any cost.  I was raised to be a pleaser and to make people happy, to put their needs before mine and to do so in order to be accepted.  The second I stopped giving these people what they wanted/needed, I was no longer of use to them.  I no longer fit in and I was no longer accepted.  Had I been truthful more often, I would have had fewer people around me but I would have had genuine people who stayed.  It was never about quantity, it was about quality and knowing how to remain true to myself. 

I was raised under the idea that we needed to be nice to everyone at all times.  We weren’t supposed to upset anyone.  It was fine if we got angry but we were never supposed to tell anyone about their role in that anger.  Just smile, no one did anything wrong, and keep going about the day.  I felt that resentment pick up and build over the years, never letting go, getting stronger and stronger.  I’d start snapping on people instead of communicating with them.  I’d expect them to see why I was so angry and to take responsibility for it in that moment.  That anger I felt really did make me viscous, I hated everyone and didn’t trust people.  Soon everything other people did became an attack on me and I was a victim of the universe, never getting anything I wanted—and that was when I knew I had to stop that nonsense because even as it was happening, I knew it wasn’t true.  I started thinking about what would happen if I just said what was on my mind instead of being agreeable—it takes practice, it didn’t solve everything, but it abated some of what I felt.    

As we have turned the page on this calendar year, the goal needs to be honesty and holding that type of truth with ourselves.  Yes, it’s nice to be nice and I would never encourage unnecessary mean-ness under the pretense of doing something good.  I do encourage accepting and being honest in the moment.  I do encourage that continued evaluation of the moment and asking what is needed and what good comes of our responses/behaviors.  The goal isn’t to be accepted, it’s to accept ourselves so we need to be able to receive the same truth that we give out—and we need to know how to use it constructively.  What parts to integrate into our lives.  I want to be a loving person and yes, being nice is a part of that, but not if it enables something that ultimately causes harm in the form of complacency or misdirection. Don’t sacrifice our own voices for the sake of someone else’s untruth.  This is the year of being heard and letting go of any fear of being wrong when we know the truth.  Let go of the anger, and simply let the truth out.  As painful as it can be, sometimes the truth is the kindest thing we can provide. 

One of my team mates, Rich Duong, shared a parable during our team meeting the other day about the tools the Devil uses to tend his garden. God has his garden, but the Devil has his as well.  The tools he has are the things designed to bring us down and prevent us from becoming who we are meant to be or from seeing things clearly.  The thing that really caught my ear was the rake of discouragement.  This is said to be the tool the Devil will never give up.  When all other tools in his arsenal fail and an individual keeps pushing forward, the rake of discouragement is the tool that never fails.  This is the tool that stops everyone in their tracks because when we no longer believe in ourselves or our ability to achieve, we stop.  Progress halts and we wallow where we are.  That is the goal of those negative forces: to stop us where we are so we don’t change and we forget our own power, to make it so we don’t share our power to bring progress to the world.   

We need to remember that we are the creator of our own reality.  Don’t believe what is used against us—it’s all perception and we get to choose our beliefs and how we operate here.  Don’t let that voice take us down, we need to remember our self-worth and do what is right for us.  Allow us to take our own power and make our lives easier rather than buying into fear or a system that doesn’t work. The main idea is that we don’t let what is outside influence what we know inside.  Some of the truest advice I have ever heard (even if it took a long time for it to sink in) was that not everything is as it seems.  Pause judgement and belief and interrupt the trained reactions we have when we think we know something.  Even when things seem a bit dark, that is when we need to keep pushing through.  Even if we are tired, keep going and do what we say we are going to do.  That is how we make it happen.  Whether we tend the garden of growth/joy/love/peace or the garden of despair/fear/hate/unrest, the effort is the same—the result is what differs.  Choose the tools we use to cultivate the life we want and step boldly into it with relish and love—we are the only ones who can stop ourselves so don’t let discouragement be the end game.    

I want to follow up on faith for a minute.  I’ve consistently vacillated between being a take charge person and a victim.  The issue I’m seeing with this is an inconsistent faith.  I never trusted enough to allow what I wanted to come to fruition on it’s own.  I couldn’t just take the steps I needed and be patient—I took control and wanted it to happen right away.  I asked for answers and I would ignore them, or I would be so busy moving forward that I didn’t hear them.  The truth is I wanted to have faith, I wanted to be patient, I was just so afraid of missing out on everything, I was afraid that if I wasn’t the best in everything that I would get nothing, that I didn’t know how to find who I was.  I didn’t know how to sit still and listen to hear the next steps.  My own inner monologue was so loud and so engrained in victimhood because of how people treated me (and the beliefs I started to adopt about myself because of how they treated me) that I didn’t know how to shut up and hear a different tale.  The answers were always there, I just didn’t hear them or I told myself I didn’t know how to act on them. 

In my heart, I actually do believe and feel that I will be ok—that all will be ok.  I’ve been so scared to fall in with my faith and just believe that I’ve continually tried to control the outcomes.  At the same time, I legitimately believe in the magic of source and the universe and that it puts all together.  I need to have patience and believe.  Right nowt he steps are taking care of myself and letting go of what isn’t working.  Changing my behaviors and thoughts isn’t like a light switch.  I need to take the small steps every day to make that transition.  With small steps and practice the faith will come more naturally and I will feel guidance—and be able to understand it.  I’ve known for a long time that I have a story to share and that it will help people—I’ve just been wrestling with ego and the potential fall out from what I have to tell people.  I know once I share that work, everything will fall into place.

Tabitha Brown shared the story of her viral Whole Foods video from 6 years ago and I got chills because it demonstrated the true faith that I’m talking about here.  She explained that she had gone back to that Whole Foods to thank the young man who made the sandwich and that he was no where to be found and no one seemed to know who he was.  My immediate thought was this was an angel sent here to put her on the path to sharing the message she had.  How else would he disappear?  I’ve heard faith stories about things like this before and it sounded just like the work of source to send someone to help us on our way when we are doing our work.  I believe that as long as we are patient and aware, we all have an angel that works in our favor like that.  We just need to trust and do what we are being asked to do even if it doesn’t make sense. So, another goal I have this year is to lean into my faith more.  It’s hard for me, but if I am going to be softer and open to what I am asked to do, open to releasing what doesn’t serve, I need to let go of control and embrace trust.  I am not a victim, I am being guided—just as we all are.  Have faith—we are always encouraged to keep going. 

Today I am grateful for intuition.  This week has been remarkable.  It started off with a bang, tons of chaos at work, dealing with bills, dealing with the energy of other people around me.  But in all the chaos and energy, in all of the frustration and anger I felt, I definitely felt most alive and authentic.  The words I said in the heat of frustration were true—while the delivery was emotional, my emotion wasn’t in it, it was the emotion behind truth. Not to be conceited, but the things I said could not be disputed or refuted in any way.  I FELT it.  I felt all of the things I needed to be doing  including what I need to focus on, how I want to feel, where I want to transition, what I need to do next, and what this upcoming year will look like.  Certain parts are still a bit fuzzy (like the how and the when for some of it) but it doesn’t change the feeling—I know it.  I woke up on Thursday immediately thinking about gratitude but didn’t do it immediately because I had JUST done it before bed (like written it down less than 6 hours before) and then as I walked down the stairs I thought about how I need to move my body again.  I drew my cards and two were about appreciation, one was about focusing energy, and the last one was about movement.  Don’t EVER discount intuition.  I know at times it may feel like being pulled in a million directions or the intuition conflicts with something, but learning to read what the mind is saying and feel what we need clarifies all of that.  Intuition is real.

Today I am grateful for people who want to support me.  I’ve been a person who always does it on my own, always shows up when I need to (early, even), who tries to make people want me there, and who wants to reciprocate so I don’t owe anyone anything.  All of that has gotten me where I am today.  But I’ve noticed more and more that I feel awkward accepting help or that I feel indebted.  At the same time, I know the things I’ve been helped with have been immensely relieving.  I also know that the help I’ve received has pushed me forward.  I’ve been seeing that the timing has been right for each of these scenarios.  I’ve also noticed that as soon as I thank the person who has helped me (instead of trying to deny the assistance) I’ve felt much better.  I’ve accepted the help and in some ways that’s like accepting myself.  I may not be able to reciprocate in the exact manner they helped me, but I know that I can return the energy in my own way—and that’s really what matters.  The energy exchange and the intention behind it.  Instead of feeling guilty or obligated when we receive help, be grateful and be on the lookout for how we can assist next time.  It’s that easy.

Today I am grateful for expressing myself.  I’m struggling with a very close partnership (or what is supposed to be a partnership) that is on the verge of failing.  We’ve been in this semi-partnership for years and we tend to work against each other even when we don’t mean to.  We both have repressed thoughts and feelings and needs that we are working to discover, express, and meet for ourselves and each other.  But as I hosted an event over the weekend, this person literally wasn’t in the room.  They watched their vlog, sat upstairs away from the group, and walked away after all was said and done.  I didn’t argue with this individual, after everyone left, I told them that I had really needed them and when I asked what was wrong, they said they just weren’t feeling it.  Instead of yelling, I asked if I had ever left them high and dry like that.  They immediately said no.  It didn’t turn into an argument. They said they understood (but we will see), but this would have been something I got dramatic about and fought about for hours.  We had a 10 minute conversation, I said my piece, and that was it. 

Today I am grateful for finally standing my ground.  I’ve had several conversations over the last couple of weeks where I’ve been repeatedly informed I’m wrong about a lot of things—various things, every day things, inconsequential things—but it’s been a constant nagging about all of the areas that I’ve been incorrect.  Yes, I know this sounds like an ego thing but this became more of a mental issue for me.  I’ve been very candid about my struggles with short term memory—but my long term and my retention of facts has been pretty solid.  When people start questioning those areas, I do get a little extra sensitive.  These are environments where I shouldn’t have to prove myself—areas where I’ve had the experience and I’m familiar.  I am the first to concede when I’m wrong—I’m tired of having to always be wrong.  I finally stood up and maintained what I knew over two incidents this past weekend—and I was right.  This isn’t a tally system, but this was a way for me to tell this individual that I have a strong knowledge base too, let’s focus on something we can do together.  I’m not here to appease or be nice, I’m here to be collaborative and cooperative.  We both have ideas to share.

Today I am grateful for moving forward.  We’ve officially ended our holiday season—I mentioned last week that we were delayed due to illness in the family.  I have to admit that I am so grateful to still host and have the family around that we have.  But I’d be remiss if I said I wasn’t anxious to move forward and put focus and work toward plans for this year.  I’m ready to turn a new leaf and welcome new experiences.  There is progress to make this year and I feel the heightened energy to make it happen.  I can’t see where it will go, but I know it’s something I need to do.  I’m ready to cleanse, clear, and move forward.  Cleansing being the operative word in this moment. 

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.   

Just because you fall, the earth isn’t going to move.  You just have to get up, even if you’re bruised, you get up and keep going.  Falling isn’t failure—it’s only failure if you give up on your goal.  This last month has been beautifully chaotic.  Beautiful because of the experiences I’ve had and the people around me, but chaotic because it has been busier than normal—there were several times I felt like I was going to drown.  Then people started getting sick and things simply weren’t going to pan out how we all wanted them to.  That chaos has distracted me and I’ve allowed myself to nearly get derailed from my goals because the vision wasn’t clear.  I thought I had failed in so many areas and I realized that not only were my goals not very specific, but the goals I did have weren’t a primary focus.  Bishoi Khella talks about how we feel inspired and then lose that inspiration when we don’t keep the goal at the forefront of our minds.  Look, life happens to us all and it’s not uncommon to have plans derailed or plans changed in the middle of a journey.  We just have to keep going.

We all fall sometimes—and we are taught when we are babies that when we fall we must get back up.  That’s a lesson we need to continue throughout our lives. As babies learning to walk we celebrate the attempts and encourage each other to keep going no matter how many times we fall.  As adults we need to remember to shift our perspective and encourage the attempts we’ve made so that we can continue to get up and move forward.  It isn’t the end of the world, it’s simply a moment.  Keep our priorities and goals at the forefront of our minds so that way little stumbles don’t even matter.  Focus on where we are going and the steps in front of us-life happens for us, not to us, so if we want to get where we want to be, we can’t let those hiccups stop us.  As we approach the end of the year there will be a lot of talk about setting goals and what we want the next year to look like.  Instead of being general or doing what we’ve always done, take the time to get really specific, get really honest, and get really focused.  Pick some small steps that can work toward the broader vision of the goal instead of trying to eat the whole whale and make sure that sail is pointed to catch the wind in the right direction. 

As painful as a fall may be, the truth is we can take it.  We can’t let a bruised ego derail a big dream.  We can’t let the noise or the demands of other people deter us from where we are going.  And we can’t let a little bump in the road stop us.  We are designed to move forward, we are designed to do the work.  We just need to put aside the fear of what others think of us.  We need to be willing to change what we know doesn’t work for us and we have to be willing to do things a different way if we see it isn’t working.  We have to be willing to endure the pain of an honest evaluation of ourselves and look at how we align what we say we want with what we do to get it.  We have to be our own loudest cheerleader and support.  We need to be willing to walk away from habits, patterns, thoughts, behaviors, and the egoic traits that keep us where we were.  We need to be willing to give up what we knew for the dream and hope of something bigger.  As long as we can do that, there is no failure.  Accept our blessings with gratitude and clarity and move forward.  Keep going.

Perfect for a follow up from yesterday.  I struggled with the word toughness as it came to mental health.  The more I wrote yesterday, the more I realized that being tough is what caused me massive anxiety and ADD and that’s really why the word toughness bothered me.  I think the message I was trying to convey outside of strength and resilience was discipline.  We absolutely need accountability and firmness in our lives and that boils down to one word: discipline.  It isn’t about being tough in the manner of intimidation or being rude or cut throat to get what we want.  We need to assume responsibility for our lives, our decisions, and our goals in order to get what we want and see our purpose through.  It’s through daily habits and discipline that we get where we need to go. We build the content of our character through who we are and what we do shows who we are.  I’m not saying that it’s easy.  We often have to make choices between the now and the long term.  

One of my goals is to spend more focused time with my kid and to be more present for him.  Like any other person in our society, I have a lot of time conflicts and I often find myself getting short with him because I have things that need to be done so there isn’t much time for playing.  But I’ve realized that I have goals I want to achieve and many of those goals offer the opportunity to have limitless time available with him—but that means giving up some time now.  I won’t give it all up because I love witnessing the moments he is growing up and I need to be present for those.  But I also have to have the discipline and accountability to say no to his wants every now and then, including playing games, if I need to work on something that is going to give us a long term gain.  Discipline means letting go of the perception that I’m hurting others by doing what needs to be done for myself now.  The key is knowing what needs to be done now and the rest falls in line.       

My other issue with the perception of toughness was the idea that we had to carry it all and do it all on our own.  Being tough meant handling it all.  That was a real show of strength.  We never asked for help until we were officially drowning.  Ironically we were also the first people to tell each other and others to reach out if we needed help-but we never did so ourselves.  I know that I can’t cry victim with every little thing if I want to move forward successfully.  I can’t choose to carry the entire load when there are opportunities for help and then complain that I can’t move forward.  Discipline is knowing what needs to be done, knowing when and how to do it (including asking for help), and seeing it through.  The more we practice discipline, the more clarity we have.  It’s not about being tough or being perceived in a certain way—it’s how we perceive ourselves and how we hold ourselves accountable to the things we say we want.  Are our actions aligned with the person we say we are?  Being that person is the greatest gift we can give ourselves and the world.  We don’t need to be tough, we need to be aware, and when we are aware, we are free to be who we are.

I heard one of my team mates talking about mental toughness the other day.  She spoke in terms of resilience but she kept using phrases like we have to push, keep going, make changes, deal with it.  I understand what she was talking about and I know her intentions were good but I found myself thinking about toughness.  The word implies an armor we wear to protect ourselves.  A means of not getting hurt again.  A means of pushing when we don’t think we can get there.  Before I go any further, there is a time for that, we just need to be more aware of it.  Force isn’t always the answer.  Ok, so the conversation was about how to push forward when we don’t want to and how we have to keep picking ourselves up when we fall.  I don’t always want to be tough.  I want to allow myself to be soft enough to accept who I am and strong enough to honor that.  The toughness comes in defending who we are and standing up for ourselves when we think we can’t.  I want strength and resilience and the drive to keep going—but I don’t want to have to carry the weight of that armor with me.

Society tends to value toughness and we make it a priority, something to wear as a badge of honor.  Again, there is a place for being strong.  But we don’t talk about what happens when we take the time to stop and navigate who we are.  When we take the time to honor what the truth is.  We don’t often praise those who say they will not tolerate what is considered the norm and go off on their own.  We need to celebrate the softness and the self-awareness as much as we do the drive to push.  We also have to learn to accept the basic fact that there are times we need to refuel.  There is no shame in taking the time to stop if it’s the time to stop. Sometimes toughness looks like maintaining a boundary.  I don’t want people to go through life thinking they need to maintain a persona that isn’t who they are.  Rather, I want people to understand that dropping the persona and being vulnerable is one of the toughest things we can do.  Toughness and resilience naturally develop when we consistent and aligned—so don’t confuse toughness with aggression.  Be firm and consistent and maintain the boundary of respect for who we are—that is the toughness we need to keep going.  So.  Keep going.  

Who you are should define what you do—not the other way around.  I think the essence of alignment is exactly that: who we say we are matches what we do.  This isn’t how most of us are trained to operate. Many of us spend our time trying to make people feel a certain way about us.  So often the discomfort of our lives is because we are trying to be something we are not.  We seek approval that we don’t need or that doesn’t exist.  We seek to validate our worth with things instead of actions.  We equate value to a dollar amount.  When we bring all we are to the forefront of our lives, the decisions get easier because we know who we are and we know what we need to do, we know what we are willing to do and the actions we need to take.  We know the person we want to be and we behave as such, making decisions comes with ease.  So much of our time is spent doing what other people want us to do or trying to fit in—much like I spoke about yesterday.  When we try to force ourselves to fit in places we don’t belong, we lose sight of who we are and lose direction.

I’m the first to admit that making the decision to approach life with ease and alignment in who we are over constant doing is a huge adjustment.  I’m a constant do-er.  I rarely want to sit still and even if I’m sitting, my mind is highly active with planning, writing, reading, etc.  I’m never not doing something.  I started that habit as a way to prove my worth.  People’s initial reaction to me was that I wasn’t capable of doing something because of how I looked so I would go into hyper-drive and do all the things, pretending I wasn’t exhausted and that I could do more and do it better than anyone.  It worked for a while.  But I still found myself behind the 8 ball—people were moving further ahead of me while I continued to do the grunt work.  Even though I proved myself, they simply piled more on.  Moving into who I am and accepting who I am means new boundaries.  Environments that seek to treat me that way and do not align with honoring who I am are low on my priority and I will get comfortable walking away. 

Our time is too valuable to spend our days worrying about other people’s opinions and waiting for their approval and their judgement of when we are ready and what we deserve in life.  Sometimes we simply have to move forward and take what we know is ours.  When we align our actions with our words, being who we are meant to be is easy.  We know what we need to do.  We get lost in the shuffle if we are constantly trying to make people see us a certain way. We jump from thing to thing rather than knowing what we need to do next.  Life slows down when we are in our element, in our purpose.  Assuredness and confidence grow when we know who we are and don’t allow the noise to sway us in a different direction.  There is certainty in following our purpose.  We just need to believe that we know the answers and that we can trust the answers we have inside of us, know that when we ask an answer will come and we will understand the guidance.  Don’t be afraid to stand in who we are, bring light to everything we are and dive into it fully. 

I have this massive desire to take everything from Christmas down already even though we haven’t celebrated with the family yet (sickness has delayed us getting together).  Yes, I adore the holiday and I love all the things that come with it, but I’m looking forward to the new.  I’m looking forward to taking action on my goals.  I find myself not wanting to sit in the reminder of the holiday right now.  Yes, the holidays have always brought me comfort and joy—and the holiday was absolutely beautiful in spite of not being with family how we normally are—but I find myself needing to purge, clean, and organize.  I find myself looking forward to cleaning up not only my space, but my habits and actions.  I find myself wanting to clean up my soul and understand why I want things and where that desire comes from.  I am ready to begin anew.  The last straw for me aside from all of us ending up sick at the end of the year was seeing how many things I wanted to accomplish and how much further I needed to go.  This isn’t a bad thing—but it was a sobering thing.

I spent so much of the year wandering on a personal level.  We had an amazing time, a busy time, but there wasn’t really focused time.  There wasn’t clear time and there wasn’t actionable goal time.  I thought I had a few times toward October but I still couldn’t quite get things through.  So I’m ready to put away the things I love about the holiday because I find them more of a distraction than anything at this time.  I’m ready to take clear action.  Plus I feel the call of change in general.  I feel the desire and the drive to do something new.  I’m ready to move my body and connect with spirit and soul instead of trying to repeat the same patterns over and over again.  I’m ready to put aside fears about failing and start making moves towards what I want.  I literally feel the old dying and stripping away.  The difference is I’m not afraid of it this time.  I’m ready to let it go.  To be grateful for it and let it go.  I used to be afraid that letting go meant forgetting or not having that feeling ever again (the feeling of safety).  Now I see that it’s burdensome to carry things that are no longer present with us.  We can always be grateful for it, but we don’t need to carry what was with us.  Especially if it has different meaning to those around us.

So I’m ready to admit and acknowledge and work on the things I need to change in my life.  That change will allow who I am meant to be, who I really am, to shine forth and guide me the rest of the way.  I don’t have to do it all on my own.  But I need to be honest about what comes next and stricter with myself on figuring out how to navigate that journey.  Break the habits.  Be the person I am meant to be, and I need accountability to do that.  I’m consistently amazed at the process of evolution and change because these are all things I’ve spoken about for years, things I’ve actively practiced—and still there is room for more.  There is need for more release.  There is need for more trust and acceptance.  There is need for more time and care.  There is need for more boundaries.  It’s constantly flexing, releasing what doesn’t work.  The more we hold onto things, the more stagnant and heavy it becomes.  So this is a good time to clean and release both external and internal clutter.  When we get rid of the old, we see who we are.  Clear the mess, welcome the new.