Written the other day when falling into old habits at work:  I feel a groove, a dance I do where I am rubbed raw and THEN flow.  I find myself doing things I hate doing on autopilot and with incredible ease and efficiency and clarity—but it’s only after doing what I hate to fit in and be accepted.  The only way I can fit through (fit in) is through wearing away and cutting off parts of myself.  This isn’t a dance I created, it’s the dance I was put into and programmed to do.  I’m tired of my edges being dulled so I can fit in or to gain praise/attention/accolades.  Just because I CAN do it doesn’t mean I SHOULD.  Loving myself means saying yes AND no.  Fine, I fit in, but what did it take?  What did I lose to get here?  What parts of me had to be worn away for the sake of someone telling me my ideas or even my identity is worthy?  What do I gain from doing that?  It seems some pretty significant chunks of my personality, talent, and creativity were worn away over time.  That spark has never been dulled, the spark of creativity, the spark telling me to move forward and do the creative work in my life.  But there seems to be a little less material to work with at times.  I’ve lost the essence of who I am in the process of finding acceptance outside. 

What good is the groove, what good is doing a dance that I don’t even understand (or care to do)?  What good is fitting in if I lost MY rhythm?  What good is fitting in if I was only fitting into what others expected of me?  What good is fitting in if it still isn’t my style in the end?  What good is fitting in if I still can’t stand the outcome?  What good is fitting in if I need to keep cutting away at pieces of me over time until there is nothing left?  I am not here to make myself small so other people are comfortable with me.  I am not here to make myself palatable or easy to manage.  I am not here to give myself up or to give up on myself for the sake of someone else using me as a doormat. (not the same as not helping others, just not going to erase who I am so someone else can succeed over me—their dreams are no more or less important than mine). The groove becomes a rut when we lose sight of ourselves or when we have made ourselves so small that we can’t hear our own voices.  That is dangerous territory because we risk losing ourselves entirely. 

This is when we have to stop the music, stop the noise we hear from the outside (like David Goggins says) and focus on doing the work, our work.  We focus on creating the steps we need to take to achieve our goals.  The more steps we take, the more we help others find their rhythm, we find our own.  We find our creativity, we find what is aligned with who we are, and we put in the work.  We choreograph a new dance, we find the ladder, and we move out of the groove/hole we dug for ourselves.  That groove was never a place to dance, it was a place to wear us down and keep us stuck.  As we climb out of it and learn to hear our own rhythm again, we feel complete and light and we are able to share that with others.  The impact of finding our flow isn’t just for us, it’s for how we interact with the world and inspire others to do the same for themselves.  This world is waiting for our love to light the way, for us to love ourselves enough that we can love others.  For us to be the conduits of an energy that drives us toward something higher—for everyone.  Step away and into the rhythm of what we are meant to do and all becomes clear.