The most loving people are the most truthful, not the nicest.  Niceness can cover viciousness rooted in fear. When we are devoted to loving ourselves and bridging our humanity with our divinity, we need truth.  We need to be fine being seen as the villain if it means staying true to our hearts.  I spent so much time being what others expected of me because I was raised to put my desires aside and help others at any cost.  I was raised to be a pleaser and to make people happy, to put their needs before mine and to do so in order to be accepted.  The second I stopped giving these people what they wanted/needed, I was no longer of use to them.  I no longer fit in and I was no longer accepted.  Had I been truthful more often, I would have had fewer people around me but I would have had genuine people who stayed.  It was never about quantity, it was about quality and knowing how to remain true to myself. 

I was raised under the idea that we needed to be nice to everyone at all times.  We weren’t supposed to upset anyone.  It was fine if we got angry but we were never supposed to tell anyone about their role in that anger.  Just smile, no one did anything wrong, and keep going about the day.  I felt that resentment pick up and build over the years, never letting go, getting stronger and stronger.  I’d start snapping on people instead of communicating with them.  I’d expect them to see why I was so angry and to take responsibility for it in that moment.  That anger I felt really did make me viscous, I hated everyone and didn’t trust people.  Soon everything other people did became an attack on me and I was a victim of the universe, never getting anything I wanted—and that was when I knew I had to stop that nonsense because even as it was happening, I knew it wasn’t true.  I started thinking about what would happen if I just said what was on my mind instead of being agreeable—it takes practice, it didn’t solve everything, but it abated some of what I felt.    

As we have turned the page on this calendar year, the goal needs to be honesty and holding that type of truth with ourselves.  Yes, it’s nice to be nice and I would never encourage unnecessary mean-ness under the pretense of doing something good.  I do encourage accepting and being honest in the moment.  I do encourage that continued evaluation of the moment and asking what is needed and what good comes of our responses/behaviors.  The goal isn’t to be accepted, it’s to accept ourselves so we need to be able to receive the same truth that we give out—and we need to know how to use it constructively.  What parts to integrate into our lives.  I want to be a loving person and yes, being nice is a part of that, but not if it enables something that ultimately causes harm in the form of complacency or misdirection. Don’t sacrifice our own voices for the sake of someone else’s untruth.  This is the year of being heard and letting go of any fear of being wrong when we know the truth.  Let go of the anger, and simply let the truth out.  As painful as it can be, sometimes the truth is the kindest thing we can provide.